Nessicaa - ☆Ad Astra Per Aspera☆

I have a confession💔..I like D&D, Audrey hepburn, Fangoria, Harry houdini AND croquet.

I can't swim, I can't dance and i don't even know karate😞😞

should i face it💔💔

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Im gonna be so real can yall actually talk about ways we can support trans women in the UK instead of giving all the attention to fucking JKR. I already know that Harry Poter sucks, I wanna know how to actually HELP people. Something something you have to love the oppressed more than you hate the oppressor

The Holiday  2006 dir. Nancy Meyers Production Design by Jon Hutman

I think Crowley falls into two of the classic pitfalls of people who see that the problems are systemic long before anyone else around them does: impatience and despair.

(Yes yes I know, “Crowley was an optimist.” Book Crowley is an optimist. I don’t think that line is particularly useful for analyzing TV Crowley. Stay with me here.)

Let it be said that 95% of the time, Crowley has the patience of a fucking saint (ssh don’t tell him) around Aziraphale. He knows that Aziraphale needs to build his little plausible deniability rationales in order to do something that they both know he wants to do (because it’s right or simply because he would enjoy it) but Heaven wouldn’t approve of. And most of the time, Crowley is happy to help Aziraphale get there, asking the questions Aziraphale is afraid to ask, offering excuses and justifications until Aziraphale finds one he can accept. He does a lot of work of parsing out when “no” means “you haven’t convinced me yet, keep trying” and pushing through all the “I’m an angel, you’re a demon, we’re on opposite sides and mine is the good one” talk that Aziraphale gets up to all the way through s1. Because he knows that Aziraphale doesn’t really believe that stuff, right? He just needs some time to talk himself around his own cognitive dissonance, and most of the time Crowley is not only happy to facilitate that but sees it as part of his role in their relationship.

But then when the chips are down and Aziraphale is still dithering, that’s when he gets frustrated, because HOW CAN YOU NOT SEE what’s been blindingly obvious to Crowley for millennia, that Heaven is just as cruel as Hell and no one is going to step in and fix it because the system is working as intended. And that’s when he says things like “how can someone as clever as you be so stupid?” Which is a surefire way not to convince the person you’re arguing with of anything.

And then there’s the despair. I really think the running away thing is not about cowardice or selfishness or some kind of unhealthy level of avoidance of hard or scary things, but about hopelessness. They’ve spent their lives avoiding very very real danger, and of the two of them Crowley is much more constantly aware of the danger that they are in from both sides. Yes he’s hypervigilant but he is also almost always right about the amount of danger they are in. Trying to get as far away from danger as possible is not an irrational response, even if it’s not always the correct one for a given situation.

When you feel like you’re the only person who sees how rotten the system is, how it needs to be dismantled entirely, but you are also VERY aware of how strong the people in power are and how ruthless they are about crushing dissent because you experienced it personally…well that gets fucking depressing after a while. Because even if you think the whole system needs to go, that feels like a completely unattainable goal when it seems like no one else even sees the problem, or if they see it, they are too afraid to do anything about it. And can you blame them? You know exactly what happens to people who speak up.

So it’s very easy for your goals to shrink from systemic change to just taking yourself and the people you love and finding somewhere for them to be as safe as possible, for as long as the system will let you exist. Because reforming the system is a fool’s errand, and dismantling it entirely seems impossible. I think this is where Crowley is at. Even if on some level he knows it’s an imperfect solution, because both of them have enough compassion that they would feel guilty abandoning Earth and humans to save themselves, and because Heaven and Hell really can find them anywhere in the universe. He just doesn’t see another option.

And look, I think Aziraphale is 100% wrong that Heaven can be reformed. But he is not wrong to want to stay and fight to make things better, even if it means sacrificing the Earthly comforts he loves so much, and even if it means doing it without Crowley by his side.

Ultimately they both need each other. Aziraphale needs Crowley for his willingness to ask questions and to see the scale of the problem, even if it’s terrifying. But Crowley needs Aziraphale for his hope, his stubborn determination to believe things can and should be better, and to fight for that. In the right hands, hope is an enormously powerful weapon.

ashes to ashes, dust to dust, reeses to pieces

tumblr users will see the word shrimp and black out and hit reblog without reading the rest of the post

🦐

my luv

he's a national treasure actually

Have we appreciated yet how inevitable the breakup really was? The truth is, whether the metatrash orchestrated it or to what extent he did, Aziraphale going back to Heaven and Crowley refusing to go back to Heaven was the only way that situation could have played out. The minute the metatrash offered Aziraphale the chance to right the wrong of Crowley's Fall, it was over. Offering Aziraphale the supreme archangel gig was just insurance.

Aziraphale was always going to want to redeem Crowley because he doesn't (yet) understand the Fall, what it cost Crowley, what it's actually done for Crowley, and how Crowley was fundamentally changed by it. Aziraphale does not yet know what Crowley knows of Heaven - and Aziraphale can't have known it yet. But he will, and this breakup is how he gets the opportunity to learn what he needs to learn to finally, finally understand what it means for him and Crowley to be on their own side.

And Crowley,who would follow Aziraphale anywhere and do anything for him? He cannot follow him back to Heaven, he cannot pretend to "be an angel" again for Aziraphale, because it is literally impossible. Crowley can't undo the millennia of growth he's undergone, he can't be un-cast out of the fold, he can't be un-unwanted by God and he can't be un-unloved. That's his lived experience of being fallen and nothing could change that for him.

There's no world where Crowley accepts the offer, and there's no world where Aziraphale refuses it. Not with them as they are right now together and separately in their arcs. And maybe that's part of why it's so painful to watch and dissect, because they hurt each other so badly and they don't want to, but it's actually inescapable. They're in a trap that they can't see until it springs. Snap. The elevator closes.

Okay, I’ve just realised something and forgive me if it’s obvious to everyone else.

Crowley is the serpent.

Aziraphale is the angel of the eastern gate, technically on apple tree duty.

Their love is the apple. Their love is the forbidden fruit. It is right there in full view of both of them the whole time. The ultimate temptation. Absolutely forbidden. A betrayal of their God-designated roles and if they taste it, it’ll change everything.

The serpent whispers that they should eat it.

The guardian protects it.

And so their dance continues down the centuries. But they elaborate on it, getting closer and closer until ultimately, it’ll be inevitable. They’ll take a bite.

Makes you wonder what God’s really planning, huh?