この涙 星になれ / ZARD

this was so fucking funny

This whole convo makes me wanna fight people who think the IT genuinely hate each other

Oh a fellow Rika lover! Any thoughts on her as a whole? Everyone views her differently and she's certainly a very complex character with lots of layers to her (another reason why she's one of my faves!). Maybe how would you interpret her own happy ending?

Hello, fellow Rika lover!!

I'll put my thoughts under a "read more", partially because I fear this will get lengthy and partially because I know Rika is a sensitive subject for many people!

Also putting a TW for SA and general abuse!

Honestly, I find Rika to be an extremely relatable character, at least from my perspective. She's a good (albeit exaggerated) example of what can happen if people who need help are abandoned.

A rough background is never justification for crime, but it can help explain it. This is a girl whose earliest memories are in an orphanage, who only had one person she could rely on. When she was stripped away from Mika, she at least thought she would have a happy, loving family.

Instead she lived a life where abuse came at her from all angles. Emotional and psychological abuse by her mother, physical and sexual abuse from the priest. She was treated like she was worthless--no, worse. She was treated like she was evil, a scourge upon the earth, devilspawn that would plague everything she touched.

She didn't want to be evil. She genuinely wanted to be a good girl and just have someone love her and be proud of her. But she turned to that "devil" that everyone made her out to be as a defense mechanism. If it kept her safe... how could it be a devil?

She genuinely strove to be a good person. She took in Sally, a stray, because she saw her own loneliness and neglect in that dog. She did originally want to use charity to help others. She went to a different church from the one she grew up attending, so that she could have a fresh life where nobody would judge her from the second she arrived, and she could actually help out.

The problem is that she still was missing that love. By the time she met V, she was... 18, if I recall correctly? 18 years of being unloved. By then she figured she had to be someone else, put on a mask in order to be liked, let alone loved.

And V was her sun. V, who could capture beauty and warmth in photos that Rika could have only dreamed of. She saw light and love and passion in his work. Truly, Rika at her core is a romantic, because V was genuinely surprised to hear her explanations and theories of his photos. He was the one who said, "Huh. It wasn't that deep for me, but part of the charm of art is that it means something different to everyone who sees it. I'd love to hear more about your beautiful, romantic visions of my pieces."

She saw his sunlight and wanted it for herself. But just having the sun in her arms wasn't enough. When V started calling Rika his sun, too... she wanted to become the sun. Because she saw the sun as a mother who gave a warm embrace to all of her children on earth. Rika had never known that warmth, and she needed it. Physically, mentally, emotionally.

Of course, we all saw how everything spiraled when Mika was dying, when Sally died, when Rika turned into a black hole that began to suck up the sun. V didn't--and couldn't--give her what she needed, and she snapped.

Candidly, I don't think that's too unrealistic. Growing up in an environment of abuse, and reaching out desperately to be loved but everything keeps falling apart around you. She went into survival mode, and that meant relying on her "devil." The darkness inside her protected her, and she couldn't give up on it entirely when it had saved her time and again. She didn't want to give into dark desires, but she felt that she had to. She genuinely wanted to be the sun.

And I think that's something people miss in Another Story. In casual & deep, she's too far gone. But Another Story, she still has a tiny fragment of hope of being able to love and be loved. That's why she's so desperate to form her "happy family", and why she goes off the wall when Ray disobeys her. She doesn't know how a mother is supposed to love. She never had that love. It's not good, it's not excusable, and it's not pretty.

But it's all she knew.

Rika is someone who had more masks than she had names (and she had three of those). She never was able to just exist as herself, always trying to fit a mold someone made for her (i.e. her mother), or to become someone else who lived a life she wanted (i.e. V). She lost herself along the way.

I think she genuinely loved the RFA, and to a certain extent did believe she could "save" them. She advertised Mint Eye as a haven for other outcasts, as a place where those who'd been scorned by the rest of the world could find solace and love. She had to become their sun, their Savior.

But Rika never had anybody to save her.

Now, common critiques are that she should've gone to therapy longer. And let me tell you, if you have a bad therapist? You don't want to go back. There is nothing more emotionally taxing than pouring out your heart and fears and insecurities and troubles to a stranger. Sometimes you get lucky, and you get someone who's patient and understanding and willing to work with you.

Sometimes you get a horrible person who invalidates your feelings, talks over you, and flat-out tells you, "You're too unstable for me to handle. Go get on medication then come back to me." (Speaking from experience, here.)

And that hurts! Having someone spit on the very essence of your soul! Picking yourself back up to find another therapist and pray things go better is... it's one of the toughest things a person can do. I can't blame Rika if she had a terrible therapist.

Plenty of people like to blame V, and let's be honest, he has his faults too. He couldn't give Rika the love she needed because he was so focused on fixing her. No, seriously, he went, "I can fix her. I can help her." But he's someone else whose intentions were pure. He saw how his father abandoned his mother, and he never wanted to do that. He saw a woman in need, and he thought of his mother. He had to help her. His conscience told him to, and he didn't want another ghost on his hands. He's self-sacrificing to a fault, and he's also insanely stubborn. He decided he'd follow her to hell and back to save her. It wasn't love, it was obsession, and he didn't realize that until it was too late. It was a moral fixation.

They both needed help. They weren't right for each other. But they clung to each other and fed off each other, and that's why V has a tragic end in every route but his own. Rika doesn't even get that.

So, I don't condone Rika's actions. But I can say that it's easy to see how someone with pure intentions and a will to do good... can lose themselves in a world that is so vile and full of malice, hate, despair, and suffering. I see Rika, and I see my own struggles to stay afloat in a world that wants me dead, as a queer Jewish AFAB person living in Florida. I see my own struggles with narcissistic parents and how I'm constantly second-guessing my thoughts and feelings. But I digress.

Anyway, a happy ending for Rika? Cottagecore lesbian. I'm not even kidding. Gosh, she's so lesbian-coded. Don't get me started. Nope, I'm starting, but I'll keep it brief.

Basically, oppressive Catholic upbringing telling her she's a devil who's going to hell no matter what and she has to take the abuse if she wants to be saved. She clings to the first person who shows remotely any interest in her well-being and thinks it's love. Rika is a lesbian who had to suppress her feelings or else damn herself further, and she clung to a man in a serious case of compulsory heterosexuality because he was kind to her and she was not accustomed to that. Look at the V bad ending where she seduces MC. She has way more chemistry with MC than she ever did with V. That's a comphet lesbian with gender envy of her ex, your honor.

Let her live in a cottage in the woods, far from the hustle & bustle of the city. Let her live alone with a woman where they bake pies and cross-stitch and read and just exist peacefully. Get her another puppy. She needs peace, fresh air, and grass.

Screenshots to show that I'm not just pulling my Rika analysis out of thin air, lol.

She's extremely insecure and has horrible fear of abandonment. But she was failed at so many levels: the orphanage, the church, V, therapy.

I want nothing more than to see Rika be happy.

That Anon made me go back and glance at Saeyoung’s After Ending since I don’t really go there that much. Most of the time, i just head into the Secret Ending to replay that content, but I had to do a double-take because I forgot about this detail. Apparently, his dream Toy Shop is unbelievable to look at… This isn’t located near his bunker, but it might as well be according to Jumin. What the hell does this Toy Shop look like, Saeyoung?

I don’t even think I could draw a model of this! Hey, Saeyoung MCs, do you have an idea what this man would create this building to look like?

i love violin covers

i was listening to joel sunny's covers while i wrote a warm up drabble

ray x reader

when no one's around

"ray!" you smile so brightly when you lean out the window, tucking the hair that the wind blew into your face aside, staring down at the pretty gardener with a love sick expression.

"good evening, prince /ss" he feels shy, but reaches out his arms to you, inviting you to sling your legs over the windowsill and carefully hop into his arms and down.

it's cold outside, and he insists you take the magenta coat - and it feels heavy, and smells of flowers and him, and for a moment you wonder if its almost what hugging him would feel like. your conversation is brief, it's not important or interesting to the outside world, you're sure of that, but to you it feels like floating above clouds. his voice is low, a barely there whisper, a hesitant conversation. just in case she finds you. just in case you suddenly hate him.

all the flowers in the garden couldn't compare to his beauty, in your eyes at least. the longer you speak the more confident he gets, flourishing and blooming, speaking poetry with a tender smile. somewhere someone is playing a violin, it's so far away you can barely hear the tune clearly. but it makes you want to dance with him either way, even at his sheepish "i... don't know how to dance." you gently hold one of his hands regardless, resting the other on his chest.

"neither do i. but we don't have to perfect at it."

there's enough space to dance. to move slowly to the sound of the violin, to spin sometimes. he's stiff at first, stuttering apologies every time he trips or steps on your shoe. but slowly he relaxes, he learns a few tricks, he could dip you down but he's worried about dropping you.

you don't really remember when the violin stops. you're too invested in sweet conversation as you dance.

the night goes too quickly, he knows you'll be tired tomorrow, so he takes you back to the window. the window you blow kisses from while he works to watch him blush. or speak to him from. or turn love letters into paper aeroplanes.

the window isn't that high. but he lifts you up anyway. your feet can't touch the paved floor, but you know if he leaned up and you down you could kiss him so very easily.

so you do. its tender, he doesn't know where to put his hands so he just rests them against the firm window, and you cup his cheeks so softly he wants to cry. and when he pulls back his face is red, and your sure yours is as well.

"see you tomorrow, ray."

"y.. yeah... tomorrow."

kiss his cheek goodnight before you slip back into the castle, confirm your promise about tomorrow to the dazed boy. he'll watch you leave with a smile, he'd wave if you look back to do so as well.

your sweet prince

and of course.

you're his sweet prince/ss.

Collected Reading List for Hello Charlotte

I have collected every book either directly referenced (character names or bookshelves) or thematically relevant (that I can find. I am sure there are more.) in hc! Books marked with an * are the most relevant to the game/my personal recommendations. Notes under the cut.

One Flew Over the Cuckoo’s Nest - Ken Kesey

The Kingdom of God Is Within You - Leo Tolstoy

Golden Apples of the Sun - Ray Bradbury

Physics of the Impossible - Michio Kaku

Physics of the Future - Michio Kaku

The God Delusion - Richard Dawkins

The Selfish Gene - Richard Dawkins

Bad Science - Ben Goldacre

Flatland - Edwin Abbott

On Aggression - Konrad Lorenz

Lullaby - Chuck Palahniuk

*Childhood’s End - Arthur Clarke

The Castle - Franz Kafka

Simulacra and Simulation - Jean Baudrillard

*1984 - George Orwell

Civilized Man’s Eight Deadly Sins - Konrad Lorenz

*Brave New World - Aldous Huxley

Cats Cradle - Kurt Vonnegut

1Q84 - Haruki Murakami

Fahrenheit 451 - Ray Bradbury

*Slaughterhouse 5 - Kurt Vonnegut

Hitchhiker’s Guide to the Galaxy - Douglas Adams

Time Machine - H.G. Wells

On the Freedom of the Will - Arthur Schopenhauer

The Man Who Mistook His Wife for a Hat - Oliver Sacks

The Joyful Wisdom - Frederich Nietzsche

Afficher davantage

Good night, my love. 

🌼 poems that set me free in april (even for a short while) 🌼

Stranger, an Armenian folk poem (from “Anthology of Armenian poetry")  

Dawn Does Not Break in the West, Eghishe Charenc (from “Anthology of Armenian poetry")  

Your Unripe Love, Paruyr Sevak (from “Anthology of Armenian poetry")

The Rope Looped Itself, Hamo Sahyan (from “Anthology of Armenian poetry”)

The Analysis of Yearning (Garod), Paruyr Sevak (from “Anthology of Armenian poetry")  

I Can Give Myself To Her by Yosano Akiko

“I was thinking…” by Elena Shvarts (tr. by Stephanie Sandler)

Love by Bob Hicok

Note for My Wall by Charles Bukowski

Here and Now by Peter Balakian

The Sound of Trees by Robert Frost

A Kind Of Loss by Ingeborg Bachmann

Excuses For Why We Failed At Love by Warsan Shire

‘One Heart’ by Franz Wright

Mayakovsky by Frank O'Hara

I Have a Terrible Cold by Fernando Pessoa

I felt a Funeral, in my Brain, (340) by Emily Dickinson

Wet Evening in April by Patrick Kavanagh

You Who Never Arrived by Rainer Maria Rilke

For M by Mikko Harvey

“Little Crazy Love Song” by Mary Oliver

whatever go my yuri….

something random to get me motivated to write!

- mod kokichi

Jealously | One sided feelings!Rika x F!Reader

CWs: none

"I should be jealous of you, shouldn't I?"

You froze in place, standing in one of those public gardens lovers take one another, or parents take their children to play in the crisp grass, or friends take baskets of food. Perhaps you weren't surprised, as you turned silently to find her standing there, golden hair framing her like the backing of a painting.

And she looked like one too, beautiful, soft, and out of reach. The distant, faraway look in her eyes giving away her craving. You assumed it was Jihyun. Or rather, the love she felt from him.

Her voice was tender, quiet, barely there. "It would be normal for me to be jealous. A pretty girl steals away my fiancé with a smile. Surely I should hate you?"

Was this the moment she confessed she'd fallen out of love with him? Or never did?

"I don't." And silence fell over you both. You were unsure of your words, so you simply waited. "Everyone else got hurt," And you knew what she meant, for she really was like the sun. Distantly beautiful, yet hurt those who got close. "Not you, but then again... You never got close, did you?"

Melancholy. That was how she seemed.

Minutes, or perhaps hours passed. It was always perhaps with her, never definite, always questioning.

"Goodbye, Rika." And with that you turned your back, on the shadow of the girl that once was.

"I think.. I think I'm jealous of him." And just as you turned around, she was gone. Disappeared behind trees, as though she hadn't just stood in front you.

Everything seemed a bit dim, like the sun has disappeared. And perhaps it had.