Angry Customer: “Well Maybe I’ll Just Take My Business Somewhere Else!”

Excuse me, a little privacy?? (at New England Reptile)

Aries | March 21 to April 19 Like a Phoenix rising out of the ashes, so too will you frighten a number of small children playing inside that ball pit.

Taurus | April 20 to May 20 Everyone laughed when you said that global warming would destroy the planet, but that’s primarily because you had your pants down at the time.

Gemini | May 21 to June 20 Lately it seems like every time you open your mouth something terrible happens. Don’t be alarmed: This is what is known as “food poisoning.”

Cancer | June 21 to July 22 Your creativity will skyrocket this week, moments after purchasing a number of colorful and hilariously incongruent wigs.

Leo | July 23 to Aug. 22 They say it’s impossible to survive without daily human contact, but then the Glowing Orb Beings from Muugaave-6 have ways of keeping you alive.

Virgo | Aug. 23 to Sept. 22 Nobody understands the excruciating pain you’re going through. Although having to listen to you drone on and done about it is torture of a whole different kind.

Libra | Sept. 23 to Oct. 22 You’ll wake up tomorrow morning to find a baby on your doorstep, just like you have for the last three and a half weeks.

Scorpio | Oct. 23 to Nov. 21 The ancient martial art of karate should only be employed for self-defense, or in your case, any time you drink too much and decide to ruin everyone else’s night.

Sagittarius | Nov. 22 to Dec. 21 It’s not the size of the ship, but rather the motion of the ocean that will cause your girlfriend to get sick during intercourse.

Capricorn | Dec. 22 to Jan. 19 The cheese stands alone. The cheese stands alone. You idiot—what are you doing!? Guard that damn cheese!

Aquarius | Jan. 20 to Feb. 18 Paved roads aren’t exactly a new innovation, but you still manage to get excited every time you see someone get run over.

Pisces | Feb. 19 to March 20 You will finally land your dream job this week, an ironic achievement considering how little you’ll be sleeping from now on.

devout monk going post by post through smashingorpassing clicking "pass" every time

what if anytime anakin was sad the sad accordion music from spongebob played

Thomas Jackson

these are actual diagnoses from my dr appt today

Luftty cargo climbing away from LAX on sunset

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