Tfw Ur Like Wydm Ppl Don’t Mentally, Physically, And Emotionally Exhausted Themselves To Go To Sleep????

On Friendship.

au with disciple shen yuan and shizun luo binghe is a classic but i need it with luo binghe going through the worst depressive episode known to man when shen yuan transmigrates. he sees this intimidating otherworldly figure he's read about and realizes that his shizun is just a complete mess who's been isolating himself and getting more and more irritable and miserable and depressed. he decides to make it his goal to try and coax him out of the bamboo house because no one ever really sees luo binghe anymore outside of when he travels for peak lord meetings.

in my head everything else is the same except for shen yuan and luo binghe switching roles entirely. shen yuan is a half-demon antagonist meant to be defeated by luo binghe after being pushed down the abyss and returning to get revenge but shen yuan just tells himself over and over that if he gets on luo binghe's good side surely everything will be okay? because the system won't let him leave cang qiong mountain and wander the world as a rogue cultivator and he knows that the immortal alliance conference if where everything is going to fall apart. so he's convinced himself that he just needs to game the plot by fixing shen qingqiu's reputation and his relationship and things will be fine. surely!!

and, like, it gets off to a rocky start. luo binghe throws him out of the bamboo house for about two weeks straight before finally snapping at him and asking what his deal is, to which shen yuan lets him know that the other disciples just haven't seen him in so long and they've all been worried and shen yuan just wants to make sure he's okay. and shen yuan knows he's playing the scum villain disciple but he isn't aware of the fact that this sounds so out of character coming from shen qingqiu that it snaps luo binghe out of this dissociative state he's been in for the past few months.

all of a sudden shen yuan's a sort of pet project for luo binghe. his shizun keeps inviting him into the bamboo house and probing him for seemingly benign answers to random questions, getting to know him, etc. and shen yuan thinks that wow his plan is working so well all the other disciples are saying this is the most they've seen him in the past few years. showing up to classes and everything! (of course, they're only shen yuan's classes)

eventually the investigation on luo binghe's part calms down and he hasn't figured out the truth of the matter but shen qingqiu is, all of a sudden, so much more interesting and alluring than he was when he first dragged himself up to qing jing peak a few years ago!

and what starts as a morbid obsession with a puzzle piece that seems out of place slowly moulds into like. genuine fondness on luo binghe's part. because even after the appropriate amount of time where shen yuan could go back to his regular routine and forget about needling luo binghe without seeming rude, he sticks with him anyway! always pulling him away from paperwork after hours to remind him to eat, offering to brush his hair, painting him fan's and landscapes under the guise of practice for class.

(of course, shen yuan's just! fanboying a tad! luo binghe was probably his favourite protagonist he's ever read about, only downside being the unfortunate novel he happened to be written into with the world's most unnecessary harem)

but yes. luo binghe goes through the five stages of grief before becoming inexplicably obsessed with his cute disciple and shen yuan is more than happy to dote on his favourite protagonist under the guise of getting on his good side.

there are still bumps in the road. luo binghe is stubborn and unwilling to look past the somewhat simple view of the world he's constructed in his head of demons being evil. he knows cultivators aren't all angels but the former is common sense, obviously. and he has a temper that flares in a way that makes shen yuan's body flinch in a well-practiced way. shen yuan has his bouts of intense anxiety and depression and brief near-psychosis at remembering the fact that he will have to lose all this if his crackpot half-plan doesn't work. and even if it does he'll still have to go down the abyss and he's just not ready for it, he doesn't think he'll ever be ready, not when his shizun won't be there with his kind eyes and steady form of comfort and command keeping him safe and anchored to the world. but the world keeps turning and so they both keep going until the day comes.

it's a shitshow. shen yuan's seal gets removed and luo binghe watches the demonic energy pour out of him, so numb it feels like he's been stuck in a winter snowstorm for an hour. shen yuan is pleading, desperate, forgetting half the words he tried scripting years in advance because he's at the edge of a cliff to hell and the one person he hoped would believe in him enough not to push him down there is staring at him like he's a stranger. and disciples are still screaming in the distance and the earth is quaking and the system is screaming at him while shen yuan's resolve crumbles and he starts to come to the conclusion that luo binghe will kill him here. he will. and luo binghe is just trying to breathe while he watches his kind and clever, mischievous disciple break down into tears in a way he has never seen before in his life. it sends icicles through his heart. and shen yuan is pleading but when luo binghe comes forward, sword in hand, he can't stop himself from grabbing the blade with his bare palms out of some sort of desperation. hoping and praying that just holding onto the metal means luo binghe won't try to cut his head off.

and it doesn't even matter in the end because luo binghe barely gets a word out before the ground crumbles beneath shen yuan's feet and luo binghe flinches forward, reaching out for him only to push him backwards into the gorge because of the sword that still solidly held by shen yuan, slicing through his skin.

and shen yuan falls. and luo binghe watches. and when liu qingge and yue qingyuan find him after the dust has settled, he looks too much like he did all those years ago, eyes blank and his prized disciple's spirit sword held in his hands, limp. alone again, after a taste of a life that could have been brighter.

Everyone told me testosterone would make me angrier. My family has a habit of attributing any anger I feel these days to the testosterone. I didn't feel any angrier, but my mother would still tell me that no, I am angrier now, and testosterone did make me angrier and *she* could tell.

A week or two ago, I got my proof to the contrary. I'd been having a difficult day, woke up late, and had to rush out the door, ran into minor inconvenience after minor inconvenience, and then the straw broke the camel's back.

I wrote out the kind of angry vindictive seething text message I used to write constantly. I didn't send it, of course, I copied it out and pasted it in the folder of my notes where I put all my rage venting.

And then I thought.

Huh, it's been a little while since I did that. And I checked the time and dates on my previous notes. The last one was a few days before I started testosterone.

And scrolling back, I noticed that they were *constant* at least one a week for *years* I used to get so angry that I would get the serious urge to say cruel hurtful things to or about people I cared about on a near-daily basis. I didn't realize how big of a problem it was until all of a sudden I hadn't gotten that angry in Eleven Months. Nearly a YEAR.

And then I realized in my rush to get out the door in the morning, I hadn't taken my T shot. My testosterone was the lowest it's been since August.

All of a sudden, I had demonstrable proof that testosterone really did make me less angry. That all that "you may not think you're any angrier but you are" was bullshit.

I feel like I should be angrier about this than I am. I know how angry I used to get. About everything. I just felt it again for the first time in a while. For once, it would feel justified to be that angry. But I'm not. I'm not mad. I'm just... disappointed, I guess.

Fluffbruary

@fluffbruary

Day 7 - Curls | Hand

https://archiveofourown.org/works/62659075

REVERSE TROPE WRITING PROMPTS

Too many beds

Accidentally kidnapping a mafia boss

Really nice guy who hates only you

Academic rivals except it’s two teachers who compete to have the best class

Divorce of convenience

Too much communication

True hate’s kiss (only kissing your enemy can break a curse)

Dating your enemy’s sibling

Lovers to enemies

Hate at first sight

Love triangle where the two love interests get together instead

Fake amnesia

Soulmates who are fated to kill each other

Strangers to enemies

Instead of fake dating, everyone is convinced that you aren’t actually dating

Too hot to cuddle

Love interest CEO is a himbo/bimbo who runs their company into the ground

Nursing home au

I made a list of Qijiu fics if anyone wants them

Google Docs

Shen Jiu x Yue Qingyuan Fics

A list of QiJiu fics Note: in making this list, i was ofc predisposed to my own personal tastes. I’m a sucker for fix-it/canon consistent c

Complete with tags, descriptions, and the link to each one.

hopefully this can be useful to those who are looking for more qijiu to read.

Ok but like. What the fuck is there to do on the internet anymore?

Idk when I was younger, you could just go and go and find exciting new websites full of whatever cool things you wanted to explore. An overabundance of ways to occupy your time online.

Now, it’s just… Social media. That’s it. Social media and news sites. And I’m tired of social media and I’m tired of the news.

Am I just like completely inept at finding new things or has the internet just fallen apart that much with the problems of SEO and web 3.0 turning everything into a same-site prison?

fish want me women divorce me