TW// Graphic? SH And Su1cide

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@spaceboyden @silverwasafukintrainwreck @polomarco2

New REBLOG Game

Just fucking lie about the previous poster

Finally found a comfortable way to draw Nicole in my style, so I included a few headcanons I have for her below, Jeckole included.

Girlie definitely would have scars, and I can absolutely also see her having plenty of facial piercings.

A bit nervous to include the last picture, but oh well.

Might make this digital if I can find the energy and/or motivation, but this is all I was able to sketch out for now. Once I can figure out how to draw Jecka in my style too, I'm most definitely going to draw more Jeckole stuff (and probably a page similar to this one for my headcanons for Jecka as well).

Nicole trauma hcs??? 😽

Oh…..oh….. 💔

- Has been s3xually abused by her brother, which is a reason she avoids him so much + hatred for men stems from

- Her mums ex’s have been physically p, mentally, and verbally abusive, again fueling her hatred

- since she was only born to baby trap her dad, her mum didn’t care too much for her, meaning she was left to care for herself from a too young age. Her dad was extremely emotionally distant and threw himself head first into work, meaning she was issentially ignored (another reason why her brother was able to abuse her)

- When her parents divorced, her mum gave her one of the worst beatings because she couldn’t make her dad stay. Since it’s more likely for her mum to get custody either way in court, just for fun and some sort of ‘revenge’, she would make up the most vile accusations against her ex husband and Nicole would have to listen, and when she tried to deny no one believe her because she was too young.

- Would be locked in her room for days as punishment

- her mum is genuinly the most vile woman Nicole has ever had the displeasure of having a relation with. She is manipulative, Abusive, neglectful, an abler, a liar, and Nicole has never wanted to disappear more when around her.

- shes also a boy mum, meaning that when Nicole finally confided her in what her brother had been doing, she called Nicole a liar, an attention seeker and a cow for wanting to mess up her brothers future, even though she had witnessed it first hand. In her eyes, it was only a joke, and her son had the best life ahead of him, even though he was a ped0, future burnt to the ground by the time he was 12.

- At some point, between the stress of trying to make new friends every other week, stopping her brother from coming into her bedroom, keep up her grades, be nice, stay clean, be a good child, She crumbled and started acting up more hoping her mum would get her so ba she’d accidentally kill her. Because then, she wouldn’t be called “selfish” for taking the “easy way out”; her mum would be charged and out away for a while, maybe her brother would get caught, and her dad would have a peace of mind knowing he wouldn’t be harrassed anymore by his ex wife. She thought it would make everything better.

- She’s not actually a sociopath, but she does have a personality disorder, and ADHD. However instead of like, getting treated or therapy, her mum took it as an excuse to beat the shit out of Nicole because she saw said disorders as an excuse to act up. Her dad did try to get Nicole some sort of medication but her mum wouldn’t allow him to see Nicole so he could give it to her.

- Nicole is an empty shell of what could’ve been someone with a bright future.

- She sees herself as worthless. She lays there at night and knows that with the “casual” drug abuse, the smoking, the drinking, the SH, the attempts, the self-sabotaging and the not trying has fucked up her future. She’s “knows” she will end up in prison or dead in the future so she doesn’t see the point in trying because there’s no way to turn it around this late into her life.

- Since she sees herself as friendless, there’s nothing to do where they live, and she feels like she’s wasting everyone’s time for asking to go out - she bedrots. All of the time. To the point she had bugs under her matress creating fucking ecosystems. To the point there was mouldy food all over her room. To the point maggots had started forming on said food, and she couldnt do anything about it. She didn’t shower, laid in her own bodily fluids, had matted hair, and only when her friends at school realised that she hadn’t been to school in nearly two months without a text did they actually go and check (jecka, Ari, Emily). They were actually disgusted with the fact her mum let this happen.

😓😓 sorry Kay

gay faggots

Girl I went on this Omegle app thing with my mate and everyone called her stunning while I got called chopped, Michael Jackson and a land whale……. 😭

So anyway

Jeckole headcanons 😓😓

NOOO. YOU'RE PRETTY AF I'VE SEEN YA FACE BABES?? 🩷 (on your old acc sadlyy)

Okay sureeee!

Nicole is clingy af so 24/7 she's with Jecka, and she just doesn't show it in public, just in private

Jecka is the only one who lets Nicole call her Jessica... and she has permission too <3

Nicole is the type of girl to keep drugs on her when Jecka forgets or some shit

Jecka is Lesbian while Nicole is Bisexual

As kids they would ALWAYS play dress up with their mother's clothes n shit

Nicole is pretty much experienced in fighting so if she sees a pervert tryna spit game at Jecka, she'll beat their ass <3

IM SO SORRY IF THESE AREN'T LONG LIKE MY EMILY AND JECKA ONES😭😭 FUCK I PULLED AN ALL NIGHTER

Jecka had been at Nicole’s house all day, not that she was complaining it wasn’t like she had a better way to spend her Saturday. Besides she felt better about being there now that Nicole’s brother was in jail. They hadn’t really done anything, stayed sober unfortunately, laid around, minimal talking even. Even as she left to go home she could feel Nicole’s eyes on her, she had been staring at her a lot lately hadn’t she? Whatever don’t read into it, she was probably plotting something. She cleared her throat, “See you tomorrow probably.” She called as she turned her head, Nicole was still slumped against her headboard, tapping at her laptop as she lazily raised her head to acknowledge she heard her.

“Bye.”

Dry, not that Jecka hadn’t expected that, truly it was the only real way Nicole spoke. And out she went, checking her phone was in her pocket as she went down the stairs. She waved to Nicole’s Mom on the couch and made her way out to her car, she started it up and began pulling out when her phone buzzed. She put it in park and dug in her shallow pocket, she flipped her phone open to see a text from Nicole,

‘miss u’

‘i havent even left your fucking driveway yet’

‘so come back’

‘my mom will be pissed if i dont come home nicole’

‘you hate your mom anyway come back’

Jecka leaned her head back against her headrest, despite her demeanor with everyone else, and well even with her in public, this truly wasn’t out of character for Nicole when they were alone recently. She’d gotten all clingy, Jecka suspected whatever thing she had going on with Ari last month actually awoke something in her. Whatever not her business, she pulled back up and shut her car off, casually walking back inside despite the disappointed look it earned her from Nicole’s Mom.

When she got back to Nicole’s room she saw Nicole had barely moved beyond sliding down to stare at the ceiling and tossing her laptop on the ground. “Hey.” Jecka greeted, unsure if Nicole even knew she was there, Nicole scooted over, obviously inviting her to lay down. Jecka breathed a half sigh half laugh through her nose, why did Nicole know how to speak to her silently so well? She laid down beside her, joining her vain attempt at staring a hole through the popcorn ceiling. “This is really fucking boring Nicole, it’s like you want me to go home.” She teased, knowing that’s all it would take, just as expected Nicole rolled onto her side and hurriedly wrapped her arm around Jecka, keeping her where she lay. God, new gay ass Nicole was so easy. Jecka giggled to herself.

“Are you going to stay?” Nicole asked in a small voice, okay that, that was new. Jecka wasn’t sure if she liked that, it barely even sounded like Nicole, “Sure why not,” she answered, “Gotta go get something to sleep in though.” She finished as she tried to sit up, Nicole kept her down, “I’ll lend you something. Just, stay.” Okay maybe the voice is growing on her a little, fuck. “Fuck me for being sappy but, are you okay?” Jecka asked, Nicole didn’t answer for a while, just breathing into Jecka’s shoulder. “When am I?” She finally answered, her voice back to its normal monotone. “No.” Jecka sat up, forcefully enough this time to escape Nicole’s grasp, god she was strong for such a scrawny bitch. “You’re acting fucking weird. Is there something I need to know?” She asked, Nicole held onto her arm, clearly thinking, “No, I just don’t want you to leave.” There was that small voice again, Jecka exhaled hard before she laid back down to continue being Nicole’s personal stuffed animal. “Fine.”

It wasn’t so bad anyway.

Something about Nicole’s suicide ending fills me with such indescribable sadness that I don’t know how to describe. The fact she’s just hanging there, the room was dark, the computer was on, the bed was not made, the whole house was dead silent. Don’t even get me SYARTED on the suicide note either:

“People are books, puzzles and pawns. In that order. First theyre read, then they’re figured out, then they’re persuaded”

People are read, figured out and persuaded as Nicole says herself, but theyre also open, confusing or difficult and gullible. In that order can be a reference to Nicole before the game, listing to her mom’s advice and being a “nice” child, but ending up being gullible and vulnerable in the end. Being confusing/difficult can be Nicole struggling to “fit in” in society, with the mindset and attitude she has.

“Some would call that wrongly manipulative but whats the alternative? Basically any advice my mom’s ever given me. “Dont be mean, don’t judge, be open,”,”

Nicole doesnt see another option besides manipulating people or being stupidly nice, with no in between. It shows the difference between how both of them think you should supposed ply act in society. Nicole thinks you should figure out how to change people to have control and ‘not get hurt’, whilst her mum thinks that you should be respectful, and - in Nicole’s eyes - vulnerable. An open target, really.

“And yeah sure but, that only works when men don’t wanna have sex with you. Be tolerant of guys who get off by choking you, no way that goes south.”

Nicole recognises that she CAN act like her mum says, she knows it’s an option, except she’s also aware that men do see woman as objects and things to stick their dicks in, and in a place where she is mostly interacting with men, it crosses it off as something she can do, because she knows if she does, she WILL get hurt. She’s aware that she’s supposed to ignore the warnings and calls it out but she’s also aware that she won’t be heard, by a majority of people.

“Whats wrong with a pizza delivery-boy with no career goals? Whens the last time you asked a pizza delivery-boy if he’s a rapist?”

I feel you can interpret this im different ways. I personally see it in two different lights - sarcastic (people like crispin are seen as people with no career goals, or realistic ones, and he’s most likely (obviously in Nicole’s eyes) a rapist, yet no one ever checks because they’re seen as less educated) and Nicole seeing no problem with ‘settling down’ with someone who doesn’t have a bright future ahead of him (idk I feel like this is a reach and doesnt make sense but this is the best I can describe what im thinking 😭)

“Theyre called warning signs, but ignoring them makes you a nice person. And one day, if you’re a nice enough girl you’ll end up just like me”

If you call out people on shit behaviour, you’re seen as ‘disrespectful’ or something along those lines. If you ignore them, you might have a good life, but in the end you will be caught up in vulnerability. Nicole frequently called out and accused men of inappropriate behaviour, and she was both hated for it and liked for it, however in the end, she called out someone who didn’t have a line to cross and in the end she couldn’t ’handle?’ It, the pressure and most likefesr of what would happen to her, as again, the men in this game dont have a line they can cross.

“And just like my dad”

This is such a line. Nicole’s dad killed himself, yeah, and Nicole could just be referencing the fact they both died the same way, but were not told why he kills himself, we just know it’s apparently Nicole’s fault. This could open up so many different reasons on why he did it (Nicole’s mum giving him less visitation rights, the divorce, etc etc or just being under pressure). I think my favourite thoughts in this line is that potentially, Nicole knew why her dad killed himself, and only she alone had the actual reason, which is why she says it - knowing people will just think it’s because they’re both dead/died the same way

If you’re reading this, im dead.

Very obvious, shes dead.

Sorry if this is out of reach Icl as I was writing this I lwk confused myself 💔 but uhhhhhhhhh lmk how you felt abt it?? CUS I CANT BE THE ONLY ONE WHO WNTS TO ACTUALLY START CRYING WHEN THEY SEE THE IMSGE RIGHT???

OMG MY MOM CHECKED MY PHONE AND I WAS SO SCARED SHE WAS GONNA FIND TUMBLR

I have it good My parents actually care. I have friends, even if it's not as many as other people. I get what I want. I have a boyfriend who cares. Sure, I had trauma, but.. it's just not as bad as the ones I've heard. Mine's not even that bad. So why am I so sad? Why do I feel this way? Maybe I'm just an ungrateful child. Maybe I'm a spoiled brat. What's wrong with me ?