Listen, Sometimes A Ship Is Less About Wanting Them To Kiss Or Have Sex Or Whatever, And More About Needing

My domestic wolfstar headcanon: They 100% threaten each other … with affection. Constantly.

Remus working too late into the night? Sirius: “If you don’t come to bed, I will spoon you so hard you’ll suffocate on love.

Sirius leaves his boxers everywhere? Remus: “Do it again and I’m cross-stitching ‘Property of Remus Lupin’ into all your underwear.”

Remus trying to be annoyed during a fight? Sirius: “Keep scowling at me and I’m going to kiss your forehead so gently it’ll emotionally destabilize you.”

Bonus (ft. Harry)

Sirius being a menace during dinner: Remus: …Get off the kitchen counter, Pads. Sirius: Make me. Remus: I will kiss you stupid in front of everyone, don’t test me. Sirius, already leaning in: Okay. Threaten me harder. Harry, sobbing into his plate: I just wanted pasta.

Sirius hogging the blanket during movie night.. Remus: You have five seconds to share or I’m tucking you into my sweater and smothering you with kisses until you cry. Harry: For the love of Merlin, please stop traumatizing me.

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Sirius writes dumb love notes in the margins of Remus’s textbooks. Stuff like “I’d let you ruin me with your grammar corrections.” Remus finds them during class and turns beet red every time.

so apparently i have to say again that remus is not a loser or unattractive because he’s disabled? there are a thousand other reasons you can hc or pull from canon for remus being a pathetic loser, you can hc him as unattractive as you want, and there is LITERALLY no need to bring his disability into it! i’m so fucking tired of this

Sirius: “No I’m normal everyone thinks Remus is the hottest person alive”

Remus: excuses himself from a party after 10 minutes bc he wants to go knit. Wearing the most heinous jumper even your grandfather would shy away from. Blacks out after one (1) beer. Dies if someone makes eye contact with him. Sits awkwardly in the corner trying not to cry when he has to stay in a party for too long (fails every time). Bones pop 87 times every time he stands up. Cannot sit on the floor or he will need to be picked up bc his back is so bad. Asks Sirius + James + Peter to kiss his booboos bc his mummy used to do it and it made it feel better. Always has at least 3 books on him but needs Sirius to carry them bc he’s too weak. Hates smoking bc he’s worried about cancer. Very awkward. Loser.

Oooh. Pain au please 💙

ooh yes i was a bit nervous about this one.

this is very much still in the planning stages, i’ve written a little 150 word snippet but the rest is just brainstorming. basically the premise is remus has a fantasy version of fibromyalgia/tactile allodynia and anyone he touches experiences that pain too. i’ve done a lot of Thinking about this one—mapping my own pain onto remus, aligning his backstory in the fic with his canon backstory—and i am definitely going to write it. i’m not 100% sure if it will ever see the light of day though. it’s by far the most personal thing i’ve ever even considered writing, drawing really heavily from my own experience of those illnesses, so i’ll have to wait and see if i feel alright with sharing it publicly.

(and yes it will have wolfstar too haha it’s just a lot less fluffy than my others)

I do think people should embrace blurring the line between strong platonic and romantic love. I think time spent with loved ones these days is time well spent.

y’all ever read a fanfic that you cannot believe an author just wrote for free?? what an honor it is to read a piece of someone’s soul they shared out of nothing but love for a piece of media. what a privilege it is to be allowed their talent because you share an interest!!

hiiii there! i'm curious if u have a fave fancast for remus :)

sure! narrowed it down to two <33

People complaining about headcanons and saying shit like ‘Sirius would NEVER wear a skirt’ or ‘james would never date regulus/sirius/sybill/literally anybody’ will never not be funny

Like girl. You respect these characters too much if you think they have any free will. They don’t! They are my Barbie dolls and I am a bored 7 year old girl that asked for a lego set and got dolls instead. Plastic hair will be cut. Arms will be broken. They are mine to do with as I please

And frankly, you’re ruining the vibe by insisting that I shouldn’t contort these dolls into horrors beyond comprehension. You could have so much more fun if you were as fucked up as me. Cmon girl. You only live once

🌟 RANKING REMUS LUPIN’S BEST "WEREWOLF CARD" EXCUSES 🌟

🥉 TIER 3: LOW EFFORT, BUT IT WORKS

5. "I'm experiencing a rare sensitivity to [current weather]."

Used For: Avoiding outdoor activities (changes reason based on conditions)

Effectiveness: 7/10 - Teachers assume it's a chronic condition and stop questioning

4. "My circadian rhythms require recalibration."

Used For: Skipping early morning classes

Effectiveness: 6/10 - McGonagall's eyebrow twitches but she allows it once per lunar cycle

🥈 TIER 2: MEDIUM-EFFORT LIES WITH A STRAIGHT FACE

3. "The moon’s in retrograde." (Not a real thing.)

Used For: Avoiding having to watch Quidditch practices (James buys it; Sirius cackles).

Effectiveness: 8/10 – James panics and asks if he needs chicken soup.

2. "I've developed an unfortunate reaction to [nearby object]." (gestures vaguely)

Used For: Leaving uncomfortable situations

Effectiveness: 8/10 - Works best in potions class where plausible accidents happen

🏆 TIER 1: ABSOLUTE MASTERPIECES OF DECEIT

1. "I'm presently engaged in critical lunar research."

Used For: Leaving any situation with an air of academic importance

Effectiveness: ∞/10 - Works best when said while holding a chocolate bar as if it's research equipment

0. "I’m legally required to lie down." (No such law exists.)

Used For: Everything. Everything.

Effectiveness: ∞/10 – Even McGonagall lets it slide once.

HONORABLE MENTION (THE ONE TIME IT FAILED):

"I can’t, I’m allergic to... this conversation."

Used On: Sirius, who immediately throws a pillow at him.

Verdict: "Try harder, Moony."