ACHILLES AND THE LONDON BOY:

Your poets? Dead. Your history? Secret. Your darlings? Killed. You? Probably not straight

CAMILLA MACAULAY

Thank you.

Why are all the best things I write just flowers and vanilla and sunlight? Honestly, I’ve detected a distinct theme. I’m not sure if I’m complaining. I do like flowers and vanilla and sunlight, and I do enjoy writing different types of light, especially that honey-gold, early-morning sunlight. I just wish I could be that good at writing anything else.

𝐢𝐟 𝐰𝐞𝐫𝐞 𝐯𝐢𝐥𝐥𝐚𝐢𝐧𝐬, 𝐦.𝐥. 𝐫𝐢𝐨

“𝘸𝘦 𝘸𝘦𝘳𝘦 𝘢𝘭𝘸𝘢𝘺𝘴 𝘴𝘶𝘳𝘳𝘰𝘶𝘯𝘥𝘦𝘥 𝘣𝘺 𝘣𝘰𝘰𝘬𝘴 𝘢𝘯𝘥 𝘸𝘰𝘳𝘥𝘴 𝘢𝘯𝘥 𝘱𝘰𝘦𝘵𝘳𝘺, 𝘢𝘭𝘭 𝘵𝘩𝘦 𝘧𝘪𝘦𝘳𝘤𝘦 𝘱𝘢𝘴𝘴𝘪𝘰𝘯𝘴 𝘰𝘧 𝘵𝘩𝘦 𝘸𝘰𝘳𝘭𝘥 𝘣𝘰𝘶𝘯𝘥 𝘪𝘯 𝘭𝘦𝘢𝘵𝘩𝘦𝘳 𝘢𝘯𝘥 𝘷𝘦𝘭𝘭𝘶𝘮.”

A Pretty Little Message to Myself

A boy with eyes like glass jars swishing with waves of the blue abyss,

I wrote my pretty little poems

about a pretty little boy with starlight eyes,

moonshine hair.

The lives I regret to wish

that I had lived,

The girls.

Belgium, Switzerland.

French and Italian and American

Geneva, Brussels.

I try to say my life has changed;

Never the pretty little boy

with the odd Swiss accent,

and the lopsided smile,

and the shy, wry, understated wit.

Never again.

06.18.22

headed to visit friends for the long weekend ,, i always have such a hard time convincing myself to go places when i get in a routine w school or work, but you gotta take advantage of the time you have ig

🎧: the door is closing - spirit of the beehive

I dream and I dream and I dream.

"Perhaps one did not want to be loved so much as to be understood ".

George Orwell, 1984

I've been thinking about this for weeks:

Gorgeous by Taylor Swift, but it's Neil Perry when meeting one Todd Anderson, because, goddamn, how can someone be that damn pretty. it shouldn't be allowed.

at first he thinks it's envy. it must be.

todd anderson, gorgeous, gorgeous, todd anderson, who is not only beautiful, but so talented, and poetic, and somehow he manages to make tripping over a stair look graceful !

but then, if it truly is envy, why does he love it ?

why does he love the shine in his eyes, and the peeking prose that hides under his lips ?

he's furious. todd anderson is so gorgeous it hurts, and he can't take it. he loves it. he can't breathe. he's never felt this nervous in his life before.

and who knows, if he actually is just painfully in love with those ocean blue eyes looking in his, that's nobody's business but his own. and maybe todd's. with his stupid, gorgeous face.