Mushrooms010 - Mushroom Lover

heres the thing, also. Even if things don’t get better, I’ve still got anywhere from 0-70 more years left on this earth. I would rather still fight to make those years liveable, comfortable, thriveable even. That alone is worth it. It isn’t all or nothing. It never has been.

I wonder what it’s like to be normal If anyone normal really exists And if they do, what does it feel like? If it hurts less Or if they’re hollow on the inside Fitting in flawlessly with the world around them I’m dying to know If it’s worth it or if it means losing what’s inside me When I see a normal girl living a normal life I wonder if her insides are twisting like mine Or if she really is as glossy as she looks I’m dying to taste normal just for a second To see if it exists To see if it’s worth it Or if I’m better off Unclean

Welcome to physics class, buckle up because we've got things to cover

"Untold riches if answered correctly, endless suffering if wrong," said the Sphinx.

"I accept. Ask your question, beast." "Why does an object fall when dropped?" it asked.

Circles

I sit here

And in circles I go

Round and round this carousel

My mind and my heart at war

He loves me, he loves me not

I love me, I love me not

But the flower is just as confused.

I lay here

And in circles I go

Around and around and around

I can’t feel my soul and my heart is losing the fight

They love me, they love me not

I love me, I love me not

I’m out of flowers and I‘m just as lost.

I tumble down

And in circles I go

Round and round and round

I can’t breathe and my mind is screaming

He  loves me, he loves me not

I love me, I love me not

A roll of the dice away from something stupid

A spin away from losing my mind

I can’t put the shovel down

He loves me, he loves me not

I love me, I love me not

In circles and circles I go

Around and around this carousel ride.

C.A.R.E and M.I.N.E

These two poems are part of a set of four, so that's why H.O.P.E. is mentioned!

C.A.R.E. is for

Concern for those around me, even if it’s not reflected

A is for altruism- work in progress, but I’ll try

R for resilience because that’s what I’ll need to practice, and

Effusion for e because four walls can’t stop my thoughts

C.A.R.E. stands for care and nothing more

Because caring is a skill I will learn to adore

C.A.R.E. is to experience the world

Painful and confusing though it ends up at times

But I won’t stay in these walls forevermore

Because I’ve only ever learned outside of the halls

C.A.R.E. is how I’ll start to live

Even if I begin to wish the box was still with me

Only with the will to fly will I reach the sky

And only from the heights will my path begin to be mine.

———————

M.I.N.E. is for

M will be for mindful, learning to adapt

I is for inspired by those around me every day

N is for natural and being me in my entirety

E is back to effervescent because that’s who I want to be

M.I.N.E. is for a willingness to grow

Because now I want to learn how nobody is the same

I’m fascinated, please, teach me what you know

Let me make a library and place your book inside

M.I.N.E. to adapt and overcome

The way it’s uncomfortable will show me how to grow

Nothing good ever came without struggle, so I know

Giving up is easy, but I will keep moving on.

And a fall is just an opportunity

To learn and fly again

H.O.P.E. wasn’t right, in the end

M.I.N.E. for the person I want to be

C.A.R.E for the person I owe it to

Giving up is easy but M is to be mindful

Of my actions and the consequences that they will always bring

So giving up is easy, but I will learn to fly.

^ actual blessing of a post

Today in therapy I learned the term double bookkeeping and everything makes much more sense now

“Double bookkeeping is a term introduced by Eugen Bleuler to describe a fundamental feature of schizophrenia where psychotic reality can exist side by side with shared reality even when these realities seem mutually exclusive.”

This is why I can know I’m schizophrenic and still believe my delusions. My psychosis is its own separate reality where everything is possible. Logic doesn’t apply there, I’m unreal, my reality is unreal so unreal things can happen. I know it’s physiologically impossible and implausible, I know it’s a symptom of psychosis and not an experience I share with most of the world, but it’s still real to me

Do any other schizospec folk experience this?

also a poem from the new, unreleased collection. very possibly my own all-time favourite.

Embodiment of War, Shamura

the urge is strong to harass mutuals. I love you guys that's why I do it I swear!!