Maybe I DO Get The Hype For Nonhuman Gear...

Demon Of Pain - Day... ?

I had an odd experience yesterday.

I helped my sister move into her new apartment. 2-3 hours hours in and my body started flaring up (well, I had already needed to submerge my hands in very hot water to get them to hurt less and be less stiff twice. But this time it was my back and the rest of my body.)

So I biked home, parked my (public) bike. I had to walk 2-3 blocks. The entire way there I was hit urges to claw at the pain in my back by my shoulder blades, and couldnt stop doing it. Or to press my hands on the muscles, hard. When trying not to claw at it, I'd stim very obviously with my hand(s). This might sound rude, but I felt like ppl looked at me and saw an addict on a bad trip.

I was breathing weird, through clenched teeth in a permanent open-mouthed grimace. Sounded a bit almost darth vader-y. I'd bare my teeth, but there was nothing to bare my teeth at. I'd snarl at nothing. Start to hiss and then try to stop cause I was still in public. Kept having the words "fuck off" repeat over and over in my head. I dont even know how to describe what I was feeling emotionally. It felt. Barely lucid? But at the same time very aware. Like my brain was getting blinded by the light of my pain.

As I kept walking I kept doing these more. Not cause I wanted to. I just couldn't stop.

I got home and prepared a hot shower—by the time I was in the bathroom I had started repeatedly hissing "fuck off" repeatedly out loud.

Eventually it all stopped in the shower.

I know it was all just cause I was overwhelmed with the pain, but it honestly felt like I was having a fucking fit. It was horrible.

Ended up doodling it a bit in my journal and remembered a really old piece of art similar to what I drew.

Ren - Bittersweet Symphony (The Verve Retake)

I got my hair cut and feel so much better!!! No longer do I have long hair that feels unnatural!!

One more step to feeling more like myself :3

Demon Of Pain - Day 1

Going thru withdrawal again. Day 1 without seroquel (a sedative). Wish my sanity luck cause my insomnia came back with a vengeance.

Drew this when I got off of effexor almost a year ago.

My fibromyalgia is a bitch to deal with when it comes to withdrawal. Last time I was often bed bound for a month and then after gradually got my strength back while dealing with less withdrawal symptoms, and at the time I felt like I had lost my sanity. That my mind had fractured from the pain.

It's taken months and therapy to get where I am now. I'm stronger for it. I know I can make it through this, and I know what to do when I get overwhelmed now.

Still. Not looking forward to the upcoming breakdowns.

I'll most likely be posting a lot to the void on this account during this time btw, cause thats what I did last time (on a different site that my family follows so fuck that this time around). It helps for some reason.

Welcome to the Demon of Pain series where you'll be following this demon in its natural habitat... pain 😌

Did I mention I love ren

Ahhhhhhhhh I miss flying ;^; its such a nice day and it'd be so wonderful if I could use my wings right now 😩

Being a therian and seeing myself as an animal is so funny sometimes to me, because when someone says I look like another human, I don’t really see it. Then, two minutes later, I’ll show them a picture and be like, “This is so me!” But the picture in question is this:

Hello fellow kins!!!

I'm curious as to what ur forms look like, and if you'd let me, I wanna try drawing some of yall!!

My asks are open if u wanna describe ur form!

(If u have no form that's valid too!!!)

new species euphoria unlocked: consistently scaring my roommates because i “have a very silent walk” so i’ll just kinda appear behind them and they don’t know it