Feminism Is In Trouble. Underneath A Veneer Of Supporting Women, There's Too Much Navel-gazing Over Which

best advice you’d give a girl?

Fight tooth and nail for your boundaries

august 2, 2022

I think that it's because asexuality is to sexuality as gender identity is to sex.

There's no consensus on what asexuality even is.

If it's a sexuality, then it would be the simple state of not being attracted to either sex, the direct opposite to bisexuality, and then it's fair to discuss oppression, invisibility etc.

If it's a spectrum of whether someone is sex repulsed to someone who only enjoys sex after having a deep connection with someone else, then the real issues here are misogyny and pornification, since women tend to be the ones that claim some form of asexuality over men, and the idea of "I'm asexual because I need to form a connection to someone else emotionally before desiring sex and can't just fuck a stranger at a club like everyone else" is the definition of a pornified society. That also means that it's not a sexuality and it's wrong to conflate it with sexuality.

I personally can't see how asexuality can be both, but hearing "asexuality and aspec identities" does sound just like a sexuality version of people calling themselves "nonbinary."

I really dislike radfems hating on asexuals. Not desiring sex is deviant from what is expected of society, whether among the right or the left (yes, even among radfems and it's quite obvious). There's a level of sex negativity that is encouraged in these spaces (don't have sex with men), but people taking it further upsets you (because you're a woman with the same desire for sex as the men you dislike). I will always support asexuality and acespec identities. If you want sex positivity in any form and don't want those "annoying asexuals" to bother you, just go outside. Stop acting like your stance on sex is not a mainstream opinion

Really tired of people on this hellsite acting like being gay comes with political obligations

Homosexuality is apolitical. Sexuality doesn’t come with a set of beliefs or rules.

Gay people belong to a diverse array of beliefs, religions, and communities and yes that includes ones you disagree with or dislike.

Stop saying shit like “terfs can’t be lesbians” “so and so isn’t allowed to be a lesbian because of xyz” “he’s not actually gay because he is of a/b political group”

It makes it clear you think being gay is a choice and that it comes with a set of rules you need to follow to be ‘validated’.

Gay people are gay even if you don’t like them. Shut up.

So a TIF who, in that very screenshot, calls herself a "gay man" and therefore outs herself as being a homophobic heterosexual who fetishises gay men is the fault of bisexual liberals?

bisexual liberals have achieved levels of homophobia that the Westboro Baptist Church could only ever dream of

Fake, performative support is worse than being indifferent about something or not expressing an opinion

I'm sorry, but I genuinely can't read this. I have absolutely no idea what you're attempting to say, so I'll explain my point of view and reasoning a little more clearly.

If asexuality is a sexuality, it would be short and sweet to understand. Sexuality is very simple that way. There don't need to be other caveats. Lesbians are women who are only attracted to other women. Straight people are only attracted to the opposite sex. Bisexuals can be attracted to either sex. Therefore, as a valid sexuality, asexuals would be unable to be attracted to either sex.

If asexuality is nothing but a spectrum of "utterly sex repulsed" to "fine with sex with someone I love," then that isn't a sexuality, that's personal preference over physical intimacy and intercourse, and to compare it to the oppression of marginalised sexualities is entirely wrong.

The reason that I bring up misogyny around asexuality is there are a lot of women who feel so pressured to be sexual that they think that having the label of "asexual" will protect them and separate them from others who they believe are much more content with a ton of sex. That they're conflicted about some same-sex attraction, and hide behind asexuality. That they were abused and use asexuality to protect themselves. Romance has been destroyed by the normalisation of hookup culture to the point that there are women who believe that wanting to wait and form a connection with someone else before any intimacy is asexuality and therefore pathological, which is down to misogyny and pornification of the world around us.

I think that the comparison to aspec and nonbinary is accurate, because there is no such thing as being "biromantic heterosexual." As a bisexual, it's incredibly offensive. It's either a bisexual who's so in pain over their sexuality that they've been made to feel that they have to bury it under a different label, or a straight person who thinks that caring deeply for someone of the same sex entitles them to our space.

You cannot have your cake and eat it with wishy-washy, meaningless words.

For the record, trans people are not inherently "queer." They're men and women. I still hear "queer" being used as a slur, and will never accept it.

As a feminist, I believe that women should have the right to be able to say that they never want sex again. If a relationship is fulfilling without sex, amazing. I am personally uninterested in sex right now, if that helps. I'm also uninterested in hearing about how much or how little sex anyone else is having - aside from criticising kink and prostitution etc.

I will always support someone who says that they are asexual, as in, "I do not feel attraction to either women or men, that is how I was made," but I can't take any other kind of "asexuality" seriously. It doesn't make sense at all.

If it really is just a bunch of people claiming to be oppressed and navel-gazing over nothing more than how much or how little sexual intimacy they have in their relationships, then they need to grow up and find a hobby. I remember seeing a billion different versions of "demisexual demigirl" back in the day, and I don't know how it isn't just nonbinary but make it sexuality flavoured.

I really dislike radfems hating on asexuals. Not desiring sex is deviant from what is expected of society, whether among the right or the left (yes, even among radfems and it's quite obvious). There's a level of sex negativity that is encouraged in these spaces (don't have sex with men), but people taking it further upsets you (because you're a woman with the same desire for sex as the men you dislike). I will always support asexuality and acespec identities. If you want sex positivity in any form and don't want those "annoying asexuals" to bother you, just go outside. Stop acting like your stance on sex is not a mainstream opinion

I saw a post asking about whether there was a woman or women in your life that changed your view about misogyny in society, or made you realise that women needed feminism, and I immediately thought of my abusive mother, the woman that gave me the CPTSD that I still struggle with.

She was the one that gaslighted me to avoid apologising for something that she had done wrong, but cried and apologised to my brother.

Where I was abused, my brother was excused, and when he stood by me and supported me, that was still my fault, and I was punished for it.

She was the one that eagerly bragged about being supportive of gay men, but was quick to share how disgusted she was by bisexuals, particularly bisexual women, and lesbians.

She was the one who screamed and beat me if I ever tried to stand up for myself, but when my brother stood up to her, she beat me again for not telling him to stop - and then absolved him of his words by deciding that he had been possessed by the ghost of her own abusive mother.

I was the one broken down and trapped into being a carer and homekeeper to take care of the family, and gaslit into believing that I was lucky to be able to be able to do that in the first place.

Feminism doesn't absolve women of their crimes. I'm glad that she's dead and gone and won't forgive her memory. But that wasn't random abuse. I was treated much worse than how she treated my brother and her husband because I was a girl and then a woman. She quite literally deluded herself to create excuses for my brother to forgive him and attack me. Even though she abused them, too, it was still nothing compared to what happened to me. The abuse had misogyny baked all the way through it.

I can't blame her for hating women, considering the patriarchy around us and other personal circumstances where she learned that hatred, and understanding just how strong and ingrained misogyny is, but I will blame her for her choice to abuse, because it was a choice. I think that sometimes, there's a belief that feminism means needing to protect or defend every single woman, even the most disgusting and evil women, and that isn't true at all. Evil women deserve liberation. No woman, whatever she does, deserves rape or abuse or oppression. What they deserve is to face true justice instead.

So yes, a woman made me rethink misogyny around me and the need for feminism, just not in the way that others would expect.