Monbeauloup - Our Tragedy Was Written In The Stars

The Act of Love ||  𝖂𝖔𝖑𝖋𝖘𝖙𝖆𝖗

Summary: Remus and Sirius sleep together for the first time.

Warnings: smut (18+)

A/N: This is my first attempt at writing, so i apologize in advance haha. I thoroughly enjoyed writing this, but i’m still a little bit insecure. Hope you enjoy nevertheless!

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Sirius and Remus are in their dorm, door locked with a strong locking spell, just in case. James and Peter went out to Hogsmeade and now there’s no one that can disrupt their precious time together.

They’re only inches apart and then they’re kissing. Sirius gently lifts Remus up and lies him down on his bed, while hovering above him and instead of his lips, he goes down and kisses his neck. Remus is unable to control his yearning any longer. His heart is beating fast. His brain loses it’s ability to think rationally. So he decides to listen to his heart. His heart, that tells him to take this further.

“Sirius-”

“Hm?” he pauses kissing his neck.

“I...” he swallows loudly and feels the slight blush that grows on his cheeks “I think i’m ready.....i really want to....with you....but i mean we don’t have to, if you don’t want to.”

Sirius looks up and cups his cheek with his right hand. They're staring into each others eyes once again.

“Remus....i want to. You have no idea how long i've been thinking about this.....you and me.”

Remus’ stomach flutters at his words.

“I just thought you weren’t ready and i didn’t want to put any pressure on you,” Sirius murmurs.

“I wasn’t for a long time....the thought of my scars....and exposing myself to you....but i want this with you....and only you.”

Remus feels a sudden rush of shame and tries to hide his face. Sirius frowns a little at his words and still cupping Remus' cheek, he puts his thumb under his chin and turns his head to look at him.

"No.....you never have to hide...not from me. You’re beautiful to me no matter what and a few scars won’t change that.”

“I love you..” Remus says with tears in his eyes.

“I love you too. You have no idea how much.”

Their lips meet in a passionate, heated and breathtaking kiss. There’s no shame, no more hiding, just pure love and lust rushing through both of them. Remus feels like he’s spilling over.

Their tongues interconnect in gentle caresses and Sirius' hand finds the way under Remus' shirt, pressing his palm onto his heated skin. He lets out a soft whimper and almost reflexively, he slides his fingers into Sirius' long, dark hair and slowly strokes through it.

Sirius slowly pulls away and commences to take off Remus' shirt, then pulls him in for yet another heated kiss. As they explore each other's mouths, they strip each other from their clothes, leaving them both completely naked. Remus worried about being naked in front of Sirius a lot in the past, but the slight embarrassment he continues to feel, does not overweight the want of having him in the most intimate way.

He looks up at Sirius, as he sits back and begins to trail his fingers down his belly. Both their eyes are cloudy with lust and burning affection.

“Is this okay?” Sirius asks gently.

Remus, closing his eyes once more, can hear himself saying yes. Everything just feels too hazy. He begins to place open mouthed kisses on each of Remus' scar filled hips and it triggers soft pants and longing whimpers.

Sirius makes sure to cover every inch of skin. On Remus' inner thigh, he slids his hand down and cups his privates. Sirius watches as his eyes squeeze tight together.

“You’re doing so good for me, baby..” Sirius gasps out.

He proceeds kissing down Remus' entire naked body and Remus’ hands tighten in his hair the closer he gets to his erection. He shudders and his back arches as Sirius begins to lick him.

“Sirius...i-”

Fingers curling and uncurling weakly into the sheets. Remus' throat feels dry, unable to formulate words. He's reduced to breathless whimpers and voiceless moans. Sirius' hand cups his cheek once again, thumb swiping underneath his right eye as if wiping away nonexistent tears.

"Look at me, love.." he murmurs.

Remus forces his eyelids open. Sirius' face is flushed and he’s looking at him with love. So much love. The longing to feel him becomes overwhelming, so Remus slowly lifts his legs and wraps them around the other boy's waist.

Sirius lets out a surprised whimper and gasps into one of their never ending kisses. This is utter bliss and Remus never wants it to end. Sirius takes hold of his legs and holds them there.

They’re staring longingly into each other’s eyes and as Remus gives a silent nod, Sirius reaches over to his nightstand to grab his wand. He utters a silencing spell and then he reaches to the bottom drawer, grabbing a condom and lube.

The preparation is slow. Sirius is careful, so as not to hurt him. He focuses his eyes on Remus. He is attentive. Trying to see what is working for him and what isn’t. The image of Remus, underneath him and his utter trust, to do this with him, almost makes his heart burst with love.

"Just tell me if i need to stop, okay baby?"

Remus nods and finally, Sirius begins to line himself up and slowly and carefully eases himself into him. They both breathe shaky breaths.

Having Sirius this close to him is overwhelming, to feel him inside of him and him being this tender with his body, almost makes Remus want to cry. He loves him with every fiber of his being. A part of him says it’s to good to be true, yet Sirius harmonizes his own moan of ecstasy with his. The sheer sound of his vibrato, causes Remus to shudder yet again.

Gods, it feels good. So so good, even though it’s still a little bit painful. He makes a hissing sound and Sirius heart contracts painfully in his chest, knowing he causes him pain.

"Are you okay?" Sirius asks concerned, ready to pull out.

"I. am. fine." Remus moans out.

Sirius kisses him, soothing the pain quietly as he begins to pull out, only to slid back in a few seconds later. Both of them moaning unabashedly loud at the feeling.

When Remus is ready, Sirius goes deeper. Inch by inch, until he is fully sheathed inside. He bottoms out and Remus is clenching so tightly around him, he swear he can feel his pulse.

A thousand butterflies well up in Remus' stomach. The rhythm is slow, forcing him to notice every movement. His body clenches tight, only to be pushed open wide, over and over again. Sirius lays loving kisses as he sets a steady rhythm. His head hangs low as he pulls out and then pushes back in, keeping a slow and careful rhythm.

"You feel so good my darling," Sirius breathes.

He’s spurring Remus on, praising him and continues to tell him how good he feels around him. Remus is whining and moaning openly now. Crying out as he’s clinging to Sirius' back, legs looped around his waist. He wasn't even aware that he could make these kinds of sounds. It’s music to Sirius' ears. To see that he can bring Remus pleasure like this...it motivates him to keep trying harder. How long he wished to be with Remus like this. His Remus.

“I love you,” he gasps, grabbing either side of Remus' hips and thrusts into him harder and deeper. Again and again, repeating “I love you I love you I love you-”

Remus keeps his eyes screwed shut, as he slowly throws his head left to right. He’s losing himself.

“Sirius, Sirius, Sirius,” he babbles around each thrust.

He can’t even think straight. So all he can think to do is pulling Sirius closer to him and pressing his lips onto his for a deep kiss.

“So beautiful,” Sirius murmurs, his mouth pressing to Remus’ jawline and fingers cupping his face. He can feel his inner muscles tighten around him. Remus is a sweating, shaking mess by now, completely lost in pleasure.

“Come for me, baby. I need to feel you come around me,” Sirius says before he reaches between Remus’s legs, grabs his most private part and starts pumping.

And so he does. With a prolonged whimper and Sirius’ name on his lips. Back arching off the mattress as his orgasm ripples through his body.

“Sirius..” he almost screams out, completely lost in the moment.

“I got you, baby” Sirius pants heavily, brushing the hair from Remus's sweaty forehead. “I got you.”

Remus’ hands caress his back, keeping him as close as possible, while Sirius rocks once more and shutters apart in Remus' arms and filling him with everything he got.

Where all the poets go to die || 𝖂𝖔𝖑𝖋𝖘𝖙𝖆𝖗

Summary: Remus and Sirius write each other letters, while he’s in Azkaban.

Warnings: none

A/N: This is a fanfiction, which will be multiple chapters long. You might want to follow me for updates. I would also greatly appreciate some feedback or your thoughts on my writing in general.

❉───────•~❉•᯽•❉~•───────❉

(𝕮𝖍𝖆𝖕𝖙𝖊𝖗 𝟏)

Remus never felt so completely and utterly lost in his whole life before. He didn’t intend to tell anyone about the part, that’s tearing him apart and yet he’s sitting on the soft cushion of a chair, that belongs to no one other than the Weasleys. Like now, in quiet moments of reflection, he feels tears spring into the corner of his eyes and he quickly wipes away the ones, that have unknowingly begun to fall down his face. The room is silent, except for a kettle, which is quietly cooking on the kitchen stove. Through the open window, he can smell the cold autumn wind. It drifts over his head and when he closes his eyes, he comes up. Again and again, he comes to him and the once loved memories, the ones he now so despises, come crashing over him and ripple throughout his body.

"I never felt about anyone, the way i feel about you," Sirius says, thumb caressing Remus' cheek as they lie on the bed in their shared apartment. He’s tucked into Sirius' lap, resting his head against his chest how he did on that fateful day. "Nothing in the universe will ever tear us apart."

How wrong Sirius had been, Remus thinks. Swallowing, his eyes close tightly and he tries to find a way to drown his thoughts out. Sirius is gone and all he left him with is his crumpled heart. How could he join Voldemort’s side and betray both James and Lily? It feels as if he’s always on the verge of waking up from a bad dream and sometimes, when it all becomes unbearable, he thinks about giving up. Falling apart at the seams, knowing he’ll never be who he once was, but there’s a whole other side that he’s desperately holding on to. The part he fell in love with. The side of him that created a ‘happily ever after’ in his head. But then the realization hits. The realization, that it’s all been an act. He loves and was never loved back and the hardest part of this process is trying to reconcile the two seemingly polarised sides.

Before he was alone. Distracted by his own thoughts and emotions, but now, two figures stand by, observing quietly from the shadows. Molly Weasley gazes down upon him with concern and quiet understanding. The wonder of what to say lives in her mind. She startles slightly, as the teakettle begins to whistle and a few seconds later, the face of her husband comes into sight. Remus seems slowly return to reality, as Arthur Weasley kneels down with a cup of freshly brewed tea and eyes him worryingly.

“Remus -”

The silence lingers, the voice numbing his senses. He glances around before reaching for the cup.

“Thank you.. Arthur,” Remus whispers.

The tea soothingly warms him from the inside and it’s almost too much. He has gotten so used to the newfound cold within.

“Are you alright? Is there something you need?” The concern drips in Molly’s voice and Remus frowns. His wounded self screams at the back of his head. They don’t understand. He’s been hurt in ways, he never excepted to be hurt and there’s no way out.

“I’m fine,” he mutters instead. A sad smile curving his lips.

Molly just continues to look him concerningly due to her well known nurturing and caring nature. She and Arthur give each other a silent look and a nod before she leaves and Arthur takes seat in the chair opposite from Remus.

“You have to make something out of all these feelings within you,” Arthur speaks up. His voice is silent and raw and the fact that he sees him in such a vulnerable state, makes Remus' heart swell.

“Have you thought about writing him a letter?”

Remus takes a while to answer, too taken aback by his suggestion. A letter? How could he factor all his anger and frustration into just a mere letter? Besides, Sirius doesn’t care. He never cared. He took everyone down with him and did it on purpose.

“Well... i don’t know how,” Remus finally says with a shake of his head.

He feels Arthur’s big and warm hand on his arm, grounding him. His dark blue eyes full of concern.

“Write to him.”

Remus eyes stay fixed on him, feeling that Arthur isn’t wiling to let this go. He notices a tightness throughout his body and he didn’t even realize, that he had been tensing up and holding his breath.

“He betray-” Remus stops mid sentence. His heart pounding in his chest and tears burning in his eyes. “You don’t think there’s a chance that he could be innocent, do you?”

Arthur clears his throat. “I refused to believed it at first, but witnesses saw him... twelve Muggles.. an extremely powerful explosive curse....”

To hear it out loud, makes Remus fall still, eyes slowly closing.

“You have to free some of the anger and hurt, that lingers inside you. I can see it’s killing you,” Arthur says in a soft voice.

Remus looks up and nods, knowing that it’s true. He knows that Arthur is right and that all the memories inside his heart could break him in half. Shatter him.

“If there’s a way, i’ll write him. I’m sorry for -”

“Don’t apologize. You have nothing to apologize for,” Arthur interrupts him, while he shifts slightly in his chair. “Prisoners are usually not permitted to correspond with the outside world, but i'll talk to Dumbledore. You can use Asora, our owl, as well. Don't hesitate to ask us anything.”

Remus heart almost burst with untold affection for this man. “Thank you. For everything,” he says.

The slight hint of a smile he receives in return, makes him forget everything for a mere few seconds and Remus knows to treasure it well. Sincere or forced, it mattered little — The gesture was appreciated all the same.

“Anytime.”

He feels his heart unclench. A few minutes of silence pass by, until Remus gently nods towards the door.

“I better be leaving. It’s been a long day.”

He gets up off the chair and before he heads out the door, he gives Arthur a quick hug.

"Say thank you to Molly for me."

"I'll. Just keep holding on, Remus. We’re waiting for you."

With a tiny hint of a smile on his lips, he slips through the doorway and lets the sweet cold air reach his lungs. Arriving at home, alone, he warms himself in front of the fireplace, where a bright and cozy fire burns. It’s been a long day and all he wants, is some peace and quiet, but Remus feels a restlessness he can’t shake. Nothing is bothering him. No sound, no smell, nothing. Everything is calm, except him. Slowly, his eyes drift to his writing desk. Though his body doesn’t want to move, keeping still seems an impossible task. Finally, he just gives up, sits down at his desk and pulls out a jar of ink and some paper.

~*~

To Sirius Black

November 12th 1981

It’s almost impossible to forget you.

Your absence and betrayal is the most painful thing i had to ever go through. Being so close and watching you disappear hurts the most. James and Lily are dead because of you. How could you, Sirius? I’ve been lied to by the person, who has always treated me with the most daring respect, who listened to my interests and even for a little while, made me feel and know love in a way that no one else ever has. How could i’ve been so blind? I can’t take it anymore. I wish to depart so far and free. Is it easier to stay? Is it easier to go?

Truth is, shatter my heart and soul, i never wish to see you again. Sometimes, i long to feel the same one more time, but it hurts. My soul is frozen and there’s no sun to warm it.

You weren’t just a star to me, you were my whole damn sky.

I love you, but i hate you so much. You’re nothing but a liar, making us think that the friendship and love we shared was real and then you turn your back on us and betray us in such a vile manner. Your sins will never be forgotten.

Everything reminds me of you. Your scent is a sweet felony. Sometimes i wonder, if i'll ever fall in love again. I wonder what it would look like. How would i act? Is it the same as the first time? Or more cautious? I’m curious. I have this feeling, that i want to feel it again, but i don't at the same time. I’ve been hurt so deeply and i wish you a lifetime of coming to terms with the pain you caused. I hope you can live with yourself, even though i wish you’re constantly reminded of what you’ve done.

Farewell, Sirius.

Remus

There's a sinking feeling in his chest as he finishes the letter. For a while, he remains emotionless in his seat, while he processes every syllable.

His own words bring him to tears and suddenly it all seems too blurred in the way that his heart sinks everytime he thinks of Sirius in their bed. Waiting for someone who will never be his, who will never come to him. He picks the letter, reads it a second time and his salty tears burn the little scar, that rests on his chin. He goes to bed on an empty stomach that night, crying until his pillows are soaked.

Wolfstar headcanon

On sirius' 17th birthday, Andromeda presents him with a book of poetry, and he simply loved it with all his soul, at a point where he decorated almost the entire book

And he would always recite the romantic poetry for Remus, poetry like:

"Life is too short to love you in just one. I promise to look after you in the next life"

At this point I’m just using my page as a dump site for all the art I make to cope with sad feelings

sirius started having butterflies for remus in 3rd year but he thought it was because he appreciated and cared for him until he realised he didn’t even get that for james

gay wizards in love

reblog if you’re a safe place for:

lesbian

gay

bisexual

transgender

queer

pansexual

demisexual

ace

hopeless romantics

cis-men

cis-women

non binary folks

the whole spectrum etc…

follow everyone who reblogs ;)

#dtiys by @tinyshroomboy in Instagram! Love this concept and I really really enjoyed drawing this. #tinysboydtiys

I got myself a copy of The Secret History bc i only read the eBook once, thought the story was really captivating and i loved it so much.

I’ve also been a Henry Winter apologist since i read it. He could push me off a ravine and i would be fine with it.

I headcanon Remus as pretty calm and level-headed (he's the type of person where Sirius and James are more scared of him when he's calm angry) but i imagine him FLIPPING out over something like a new book release from his favorite author.