Kenneth Rexroth, From Sacramental Acts: Love Poems, “She Is Away”

The Darkness wept || 𝓢𝓲𝓻𝓲𝓾𝓼 𝓑𝓵𝓪𝓬𝓴

Summary: Sirius spends the Christmas break at Grimmauld Place 12 and he has to learn that the lives of the ones he loves are in danger.

Warnings: hints of homophobia, physical abuse & slurs

A/N: It’s a little bit angsty, but i hope you enjoy it! Feedback is always welcome btw.

Sirius walks over to the window and reflects on his cold surroundings. He has always hated Grimmauld Place 12 with its damaged, suffocating darkness. It’s a place that encourages his tendency to feel sad and all what is waiting for him now, is the torture of the holidays. What was the point of keeping his promise to his father to stay over Christmas anyway? Sirius would have never agreed to this, but his father always leaves a terrifying impression on him. His face is filled with fury, the desire to be with James and the rest of his friends growing. He can remember them clearly. Their voices and faces never leaving his head. Suddenly, his line of thoughts are interrupted, when his mother, Walburga Black appears in the dark doorway, dressed in a beaded black evening gown. "I see you’re back," she says, in a tight-fisted tone. Sirius represses the desire to laugh. "Unfortunately," he answers.

"Don’t your so-called friends want you anymore?" A tiny, satisfied grin marks her face. "You know nothing about me or any of my friends," he shots back.

Her eyes stay fixed on him. "You haven't heard it yet, have you? I haven't told Regulus either, but i wanted to let you know first." Sirius' mouth is set in a thin line, his expression grim. "There were deadly attacks on mudbloods and half-breeds, which seem to be increasing at every minute," she says, almost satisfied, as she eyes him curiously. Sirius balls his hands into fists. "What the hell are you talking about?" He feels sick to his stomach, feeling like he might throw up. "It’s true," she declares viciously. He never felt more hate towards her than in this moment. If he could, he would wipe that condescending look off her face. "Mudbloods and bloodtraitors, filth and stains of dishonor. It had long been necessary." His head is pounding. It couldn’t be true. Remus and Lily. Whatever it takes, he would make sure, they’re safe from any hurt, harm or danger. He knows that this world is not safe for Remus. Twice he put his life in danger, to protect him and he’ll not hesitate, when the deatheaters will go to find him. He can’t afford to lose him. Sirius narrows his eyes at Walburga, but says nothing. He can feel her tense up in front of him.

"You won’t be seeing that half-breed werewolf anymore. What’s his name? Remus?"

Sirius freezes, his breathing shallow. Slowly, he turns to face his mother. "How do you know about that?" he asks harshly. Walburga looks carelessly at her nails before answering. "Regulus was always more observant and clever than you ever gave him credit for." To hell with them all, Sirius thinks. His brother and his stupid views. He adopted them so quickly. What a bunch of crap they all are. "You either stop seeing that filthy boy or he’s as good as dead." Sirius looks her right in the eyes, giving her that stare. The Black men always had a stare that made you either love then or fear them. "You wouldn’t dare," he says.

"Oh, i would," she spats. "Deep down, you've always been like the rest of us."

"I’m nothing like you. I’m what you made me!" he blares out. "If anything happens to Remus, i’ll destroy everything in this house and then myself." Sirius feels ice flood in his veins. She stares at him, wide-eyed. "Don’t tell me, you really care that much for that filth of a boy?” His fists ball at his sides, nails pressing into his palms. "He’s my friend and i love h-" he blurts out, voice trembling a little. Sirius regrets the words as soon as they leave his mouth.

"Love him!" she erupts in laughter. "Absolutely horrendous. There’s no such thing as love!" she declares in pure disgust.

His mother is furious, her rage filling the room and instinctively, Sirius takes a few steps backwards. "Pathetic," she bellows. "You brought shame on this family. Tell me... is he your boyfriend?" He’s trembling, a familiar feeling rising up inside of him, something burning in his throat.

"We’re just friends - "

Walburga clenches her jaw. The room is silent. She takes a few steps forward and fists his collar. He tries to pull away, but she doesn’t let go. "If you ever go near that boy again, if you try to talk to him, i’m going to tear you apart." Sirius goes pale, shaking. "You know i can’t do that." He’s incredulous that she’s actually threatening him. That she’s trying to break him and Remus apart. She doesn’t threaten him very often anymore, but she always has a knack for it.

Her dark and possessive eyes are fixed on him. Sirius breathes hard, chest heavy. He hated his mother all his life, the things she has put him through are unthinkable, but the unreasonable part of him still loves her, seeks her approval. She laughs, confident he won't do a damn thing. Digging her nails into his collar, she throws him up against the wall. Everything feels numb. Sirius can feel his eyes burning and his hands fly up to his head. He bites his lip to stifle a scream, as a shooting pain strikes his head.

"Sirius, don't be stupid" she says in a flat voice. "You should have known, that i’m only her to warn you."

"I hate you so much" he spits out.

"Your brother told me about the things you have going on with that boy. You’re gonna leave him alone. I don’t want any mudblood close to you." He chuckles, loudly. "No, i’m not." His mother looks him in the eye, "I wasn't asking, Sirius."

"I'm not gonna leave him alone, that's final."

"Clearly you are having trouble understanding me. You are not to speak or be with him ever again. If i know you’ve been in contact with him, or anyone else of your so-called friends, i’ll take care of it and they’ll all be dead, you ungrateful brat."

He never felt so weak and powerless before. And the whole time, his mind keeps wandering back to Remus. "Get the fuck out. Get the fuck out, now!" she yells. Grabbing his arms, pulling him harshly and watching him struggle to get up. Sirius’ ears are ringing. "Mother." He suddenly hears the all too familiar voice of his brother. "Let him go, you'll hurt him." Regulus attempts to pull him away, but Sirius shoves him away. "Don’t you dare touch me", he growls. There are tears forming in his eyes, desperately holding back the urge to cry, as he stumbles away. Looking at his mother with terror in his eyes, he leaves the room and slams the door.

Nothing in the world could calm Sirius's nerves tonight.

Death eater: I’m gonna kill you.

Sirius: ¯\_(ツ)_/¯

Death eater: I’m gonna kill Remus.

Sirius: (ง'̀-‘́)ง

Sirius tried to carve info on the walls of his cell in Azkaban, after he starts to realize that one day he’ll forget Remus.

And although the dementors make him relieve his worst memories forever, nothing terrifies him more than the thought of forgetting Remus. He thinks about the way his lips had felt against his and he resists the urge to touch them, scared of losing the memory. He knows that he would feel the same pain he felt, when James died. So, that’s why he starts writting about Remus’ appearance. The colour of his eyes and hair, the way he tilts his head back when he smiles, the sound of his sweet laughter, habits, likes, dislikes... everything.

WALBURGA and SIRIUS

After one of their fights, she used crucio on him and he broke apart because he couldn’t handle the violence anymore. He packed his stuff, left and went to live with James Potter and his parents.

Hi! I love your blog, but can I get a marauder ship? :< I'm 5'3, Ravenclaw, has a medium brown wavy hair, dark brown eyes, I'm shy at first but has a loud and playful energy, loves to be around my friends most of the time, always reading, writing, sometimes like to jam in my room like dancing while music is on full volume, sometimes makes art but I also love designing, likes to be alone but not really at the same time? Likes being out in the nature, adventurous, a secretive person and I almost forgot my pronouns is she/her.

hi! first of all, thank you so much!! i really appreciate it. ☺️✨

i ship you with sirius black!

there’s fascination on both sides, right from the beginning.

your energy matches each others. it's like you've known each other for years.

he loves that you’re adventurous and open to go on midnight escapades with the other boys.

when you two are together, everything feels electric and contagious.

he invites you into the gryffindor common room quite a lot and you like to spent time by listening to music together.

you discuss and show him lots of muggle books and music and he loves it.

a few days later he proudly shows up with his new favorite band t-shirt. (a band you showed him.)

from then on, the bond between you just grows closer and closer.

you’re the definition of 'friends to lovers slow-burn'.

the pining is astronomical. everyone is like “i need these two to get their shit together and kiss already.”

you’re the more reserved and "shy” one though and he knows that he has to make the first move.

so he decides to ask you out on a date to the three broomsticks.

you both drink butterbeers, as you two would talk about the last quidditch game and he would make fun about how gryffindor kicked ravenclaw's ass and you would laugh and find yourself smiling throughout the whole date.

towards the end he shows you the start of the design of the marauders map and asks for your opinion on it.

you’re incredibly moved by this huge act of trust and stare at him in wonder.

"i do trust you, you're one of the only people i've trusted since this whole thing started."

the rest is a slow realization by you both that that what you two have is something bigger and deeper than you could have ever imagined.

⊱ ──── ˗ˏˋ✧*♡*✧´ˎ˗ ────⊰

i hope SO much that you'll like it. thank you for being my mutual. ✨💫

lots of love!!

Lazy days

i can NOT with an ounce of me believe that lily didn't trust remus with her life.

same tbh. they were so important for each other.

𝓢𝓲𝓻𝓲𝓾𝓼 𝓑𝓵𝓪𝓬𝓴

➳ "If you want to know what a man's like, take a good look at how he treats his inferiors, not his equals"

ty it’s so pretty!! <3

Wolfstar moodboard 

Requested by @monbeauloup