He Yeed His Last Haw

The thing that distinguishes Tumblr shitposts from shitposts on other social media platforms isn't the content, it's the register. The hairpin code-switching between very formal and very vulgar speech – the kind of speech that will use the words "increasingly" and "fucktrumpet" in the same sentence.

rule #1 of being a child soldier is to have fun and be yourself

Star Trek: Deep Space Nine "Past Tense, Pt. 1"

My deepest darkest fantasy is that I collapse on the street and I am rushed to the hospital. They perform a bunch of tests and find out I am severely deficient in some kind of vitamin. Then I start taking the vitamin and I become the happiest cleverest person alive because all my problems were caused by this one deficiency

Ruhn, to his roomies: Listen here you little shits.

Ruhn: Not you Ithan, you’re a delight and we’re happy to have you here.

Good morning to freaks and sinners only

having a freeze response to stress is so funny in the context of normal adult stressors. millions of years of evolution are trying to tell me that the email will not find me if i stay very still and do nothing

touch-starvation needs to be written with emphasis on the starving part. you are hungry to be touched. so hungry that even the very taste of it makes you nauseous. it has been long since anything has ever touched you, ever fed you - that your body has grown more used to that gnawing emptiness more than anything else. it's better for you to be held, to eat but it makes you sick to try. you know

yeah i’m ok! i’m totally ok i just (takes a deep breath) (starts screaming)