Hi I Really Dont Want To Start Anything So Please Dont Take This As Me Trying To Make An Argument With

hi i really dont want to start anything so please dont take this as me trying to make an argument with you or insult you, but i thought i should let you know that a comment you left on a recent batmanisagatewwydrug post was really hurtful to me. I don't think you intended for it to be offensive at all, but i do think you didnt really think through what the consequences of your words could be. You said, in reference to a friend of yours who used to use all pronouns, that you "couldn't bring yourself" to use it/its for them because it "feels... dehumanizing," even after your friend told you she was ok with it. Please know that this is like 95% of all the conversation I have ever seen regarding it/its pronouns.

When I realized a few years back after a long time of feeling like no set of pronouns fit me that I was actually comfortable with and enjoyed it/its pronouns I was so happy, until I went in search of any positive content about it/its as preferred pronouns and discovered that even people who were comfortable with neopronouns were posting things like "I could never use it/its for someone, it feels dehumanizing, I couldn't bring myself to do it and if I met someone who exclusively used it/its I would just call them they or use their name." It was just a lot of non-it/its users reassuring other non-it/its users that its ok to misgender us because we're actually dehumanizing ourselves, without any input from anyone who actually uses those pronouns. You're saying the same things that people use as excuses to misgender us. And I really hope you aren't one of the people who would prioritize your comfort with someone's pronouns over their own, because you genuinely seem pretty cool otherwise. And I hope you recognize that "I can't use this set of pronouns on someone because it makes me uncomfortable" is a bad thing that you need to work on.

And if you do recognize that, I would then want to make you aware that you straight up don't have to tell people that. Your comment about this thing that you need to work on and that upsets people is public! I don't mean to be dramatic but I was having a relatively good day until I saw your comment. Honestly I would like you to take it down or edit that part out if you can, but I know that's expecting a lot. I just don't want anyone else to come across that comment and get sad too. I don't think you thought through the fact that you were saying "I can't bring myself to call someone it/its" on a post where preferential or exclusive it/its users can see it.

Sorry I wrote so much and sorry if I'm being dramatic, it just sucks when no one wants to use my preferred pronouns because THEY feel like it's dehumanizing, whereas I never have. I genuinely feel WAY more dehumanized by they/them than it/its by now, because I know people just use they/them so they can avoid using my preferred pronouns

If you choose to respond to this ask please dont do that if im not anon for some reason

Oh my god, I am so, so sorry!!! Please link the comment (in another ask so you can stay anonymous) and I’ll delete it immediately, I never meant to offend, and I realize that my comment was insensitive. Thank you for reaching out and explaining, please have my deepest and most sincere apologies, I am so, so sorry!! Thank you for telling me, I never want to offend or hurt, and I greatly appreciate you letting me know so I can learn and grow from this. /gen

Edit: Nvm, I found the comment and it has been deleted 👍 Again, I am so, so sorry for my hurtful words, it was never my intent to harm, and I realize that what I said was bigoted and ignorant, and I profusely apologize.

Again, I am so so so sorry for saying such hurtful, ignorant things, and I feel terrible that unknowingly ruined someone’s day, especially by saying something that transphobes say, which, as a trans person, is a horrifying thing to realize, and I feel absolutely awful that I spread that. Thank you so much for bringing my biases to my attention and correcting me, I will strive to improve, again, I am so so sorry (/gen)