No One Gets U Like I Do Babe

he is shitty and a danger to society but i love him so pls don't be mean to him he is just babygirl you gotta trust me you don't know him like i do he is baby i promise

he's the funniest person i know

autistically scrolls through the notes of a silly post hoping someone made a comment that explains the joke to me

🟪 minecraft-elvis follow

woah mama i tried to water bucket clutch in the nether

🟦 speedrunner-elvis follow

woah mama you suck

🟪 minecraft-elvis

bitch

🟦 speedrunner-elvis

wooaaahhh mama @/elvis-corrector he didn't say the line woah mama

🔫 elvis-corrector follow

say the fucking line or you go to the big toilet in the sky

🟪 minecraft-elvis

woah mama i'm being threatened *wiggles my legs in defence*

🔬elvis-scientist follow

this elvis is clearly in distress, they only wiggle their legs in such a funky way to ward off predators, the little guy thinks his life is in danger please be more responsible with your elvis husbandry

🔍 elvis-detector follow

BEEP

I’m so sad

It boggles my mind that somebody paid 44 billion dollars to become the permanent main character of twitter.  Say what you will but when William Randolph Hearst owned a newspaper you could not get away with calling him a little bitch in it.  You wanted to call William Randolph Hearst a little bitch you had to go to the trouble of making Citizen Kane.

A young woman is walking outside ████████. It just so happens that today, the 3rd of March 2006, is this young woman's birthday. Though it was seventeen years ago she was given life, it is only today she will be given a name!

What will the name of this gothic young woman be?

> Enter Name.

man whose body is possessed by the spirits of a vampire and an italian respectively. italian takes over, goes to mass, eats garlic, and has a nice day in the sun. vampire takes over and is like “wow why do i feel like shit”

this is an artistic rendition of my irrational fear of a head that attacks only under the cover of the very loud toilet flush in the scary top floor bathroom at the hospital and how i exited the bathroom when i decided to flush and run as opposed to my normal method of flushing and putting my back to a wall