Thinking About This Forever Btw.

Bsd doodles

I realized I was stressing too much over making my art "perfect" and stuff so I decided to just doodle characters from memory to relax

Tbh it's fun to just randomly scribble whatever comes to mind before going back to a serious canvas

(and I couldn't resist with catzai)

It really was homoerotic bloodsucking…

we literally saw his “oh….oh” moment it was just and then……AND THEN….

@mi1ikan Bsd analysations are scary but also amazing

Doing my usual "lets go back and read random BSD chapters" and I can't help but notice how different Fyodor is now to when he was first introduced.

I've made a few posts pointing out how Fyodor and Dazai have similar panels, but I'm starting to think he's actually mimicking Dazai's mannerisms on purpose now.

I don't have a lot of canon proof other than, ~a feeling~, I get looking at him, so consider this a headcanon rather than a theory.

Warning Manga spoilers under the cut!

Like, Fyodor, why does this keep happening??? Fyodor's versions of these poses also all happen later in the manga than Dazai's versions.

Now, there's the argument that Fyodor wasn't there for half of these, but we do know he's a hacker and he was obsessed with Dazai for a time. I do believe he would just sit there watching Dazai's movements on cameras to learn his patterns and habits in the name of defeating him.

Compare how he holds himself now, to how he did when he was first introduced.

He's a shut in who bites his nails, doesn't take care of his posture or appearance. He's so used to being behind the curtains he's off putting to be directly around.

Whereas Dazai is a chameleon, he blends in anywhere he goes. If I was an immortal so out of touch with my own humanity and basic identity, I probably pick someone to mimic their behaviours too.

Ironic that he choose the man who doesn't consider himself human to learn from.

I'm also drawn to this panel specifically.

(Very suspicious choice of words there, considering the current manga arc, but I digress)

Typically when we think of vampires, we think of blood sucking immortals, but the vampire we have in BSD is based of Dracula. Dracula specifically poses the question of "What if vampires stole who you are as well?". The idea that you can't consume someone's very life without having their soul linger on with you.

The Count learns to blend in with modern society through Johnathan, from learning from him and by feeding off him. Mina, Renfield and Lucy all slowly lose who they are the more influence the Count has over them.

This panel says he's soulless, he's 'empty', he's a vampire waiting to steal someone else's soul to fill him up. Now, that could be a hint at what his ability turned out to be, but it could also mean how he's mimicking Dazai.

But why mimic Dazai?

Well, simply put, he was the only one Fyodor saw as an equal and we know he wanted a companion who he considered to be his equal. So why not make himself more like the man he wants at his side. To obtain Dazai, he became Dazai.

Problem is Dazai hates himself, he also seems to dislike any character that's convinced they are the same. (Note: Not characters Dazai sees himself in, like Atsushi, but characters who insist to him that they are the same, like Mori and Fyodor)

It was a doomed plot from the start.

However, Dazai is no longer his goal. Atsushi is. Fyodor knows Atsushi greatly admires Dazai, so continuing to mimic Dazai's mannerisms to connect them together in Atsushi's mind could be part of his plan now.

So um, about that…

Atsushi asked "why did you save me?"

Akutagawa wondered "why did you protect me?"

And that's just...sad

It's sad that they're so doubtful of the other's feelings. Atsushi doesn't feel like he deserves to be loved, and although he's connected to Akutagawa and they have a trust that runs deeper than words, I think he's scared that Akutagawa doesn't care for him, and he doubts and doubts and doubts

We don't know the full canon reason on why Akutagawa saved Atsushi, but we know it's because he *cares*, but Atsushi doesn't know that yet

I don't think that Atsushi doubts Akutagawa's strength or abilities, or his capacity to care for others. I think Atsushi doubts how lovable he himself is, he thinks he's not worth loving, not worth anything

And it's similar with Akutagawa, he probably thinks whatever he feels towards Atsushi is one-sided, and maybe he even fears that Atsushi hates him (although he obviously doesn't 😔)

They've been abused and traumatized emotionally so much that I think it's hard for them to realize how much they care for and about each other

I'm sure there will eventually be a chapter or two where Atsushi and Akutagawa can finally talk, and I can't wait for that because it'll really show their combined perspective on who are they are together

God they're so in love

Asagiri why do you do this to me

FRIENDLY REMINDER THAT IT ISN'T HATE

Akutagawa 👏 doesn't 👏 hate 👏 him

He was just told to hate him, taught to hate him

Akutagawa was so ready to despise Atsushi, to kill him, and then...

And then he really saw Atsushi for who he was

He learned about Atsushi and grew to know him and trust him, seeing Atsushi as his other half

He saw Atsushi from his own perspective, no one else's

I think he loves Atsushi.

Boyfriends <3

I'm aware my art isn't very popular or anything lol but please pick which kid you'd want to see me draw the most<3 (I'm also aware every kid on this list beside Kenjikyou's would be biologically impossible but uhh let's say there's just some ability user or whatever who can let two men have kids or smth, idk I'm here to draw not to have logic mk 😔)

I'll also name the kid and give them a bit of a story when I end up drawing whoever they are :>

Red (Sskk's Version)

A little sskk comic/manga redraws inspired by the song Red by Taylor Swift<33

The grey Atsushi is my favorite tbh idk I think his expression is really silly