Personal Ranking Of HP Characters Based On Who Did The Most To Least Shitty Things During Their School

Dolores Umbridge, who was a quiet, insecure and unpleasant child in her first years, was one day in her 6th year paired up with Regulus Black. They had a similar work ethic, and that’s where their quiet camaraderie started. But since she wasn’t a pureblood and wasn’t much to look at, he kept to himself and mostly ignored her presence.

But in their 7th year, everything changed when they had a casual encounter that led to a deeper talk, where they both realized their ideas for the wizarding future were the same and their passion was just as intense. They talked for hours about Voldemort, exchanged ideas on the many ways Muggleborns and half-breeds should be subjugated, and developed mutual crushes.

Regulus, whose passion and intellect weren’t always reciprocated and who was a lonely boy, found solace and friendship in Dolores, and they both enjoyed each other’s presence while it lasted.

Then Regulus died, and Dolores’s heart hardened with a mission to keep going and succeed at what she had dreamed about with Regulus. She suppressed her pain, became a Ministry worker, and pledged to make the lives of half-breeds and Mudbloods worse. Her loneliness, and the only ounce of deep connection she had ever been given—whom she now grieved for—kept driving her actions.

Not “Only my reading of canon is correct” or “Interpretations are subjective and all valid” but a secret third thing, “More than one interpretation can be valid but there’s a reason your English teacher had you cite quotes and examples in your papers, you have to have a strong argument that your interpretation is actually supported by the text or it is just wrong and I’m fine with telling you it’s wrong, actually.”

"Why can't the freaks on AO3 just go and make a site for all the gross stuff and leave AO3 alone."

Because AO3 is that site. Because AO3 was that site long before you decided AO3 was better than the sites you bullied us off of before, and I can promise you if someone somehow comes up with a fanfic site you like better specifically for the 'gross stuff' you'll try to bully us off that too so you can benefit from it.

AO3's specific core purpose is to preserve fanfiction, yes, but it was also instigated as a host site for the fanfiction that kept getting yeeted off other platforms like Wattpad. Its designed to preserve all fanfiction, not just the fanfiction you, personally, think is 'allowed' to be written.

AO3 is the site for all the gross stuff the freaks make. We've been there just as long as you. We've been funding it just as long as you have. AO3 has specifically said you have a place here. The timeline was literally:

Wattpad/FF.net/LiveJournal purge fanfics > AO3 is born > The people who's fics got purged moved over to AO3 > AO3 gains popularity as the best functioning site > The people who pushed for the fics to be purged off Wattpad move to AO3 > The same people try to push for AO3 to purge fics.

AO3's source coding is open-access. You go make a polished, strict, rigid site where nothing 'icky' is allowed. You go make a site where you can control what is hosted. We already have our space.

Ohhh Harry's reflexes must be insane! And I totally agree with your arguments, although I'm not sure how cardiovascular endurance plays a part, sorry I'm a bit dumb xd and oh yes grip strength must be crazy too since he must be able to stay on the broom while it's flying super fast. That takes real physical strength in the arms and stomach muscles. His stamina is probably also high level.

Thanks for your imput ☺️

describing harry as "an insanely athletic man" while all he does is sit on a flying broom is crazy work

Sometimes people don’t realize they experienced abuse but the effect from it is the same.

I don’t think Severus knows what James did to him was technically SA, and even if someone told him, his pride and shame would not let him accept it.

I didn’t know that the guy I dated when I was 21 was gaslighting me and psychologically abusing me either, or that because of him, I had spiraled into severe depression. But thanks to my therapist, I realized that he was—and that doesn’t change the fact that I went through psychological abuse.

Tired of it

Just thought to myself "can't women have a bad time in fiction without rape being involved" which really shows you how much you're in the fucking trenches if you are both a horror fan and women fan

These two are both nerds, yes, but in all other aspects they are incompatible.

THE AUDIENCE CLAMOURS FOR YOUR VOLMIONE TAKE!!!!!!!!! In all seriousness the curiously is piqued tenfold by the fact that you go hard to bat for the other two voldemort/golden trio ships

i've definitely been putting this one off, anon, but it's hermione's birthday, and since the requests have kept coming...

maybe i have to grit my teeth and get through it.

i am, like my good pal @yorickofyore, broadly a tomione/volmione disliker - which is a spoiler for what follows. there are - obviously - huge numbers of people who are not, and they may sit happily in their ecosystem while i flop around photosynthesising in mine.

and the reason why i don't like tomione/volmione is right there in the last three screenshots: it relies - like several other hermione pairings, snamione and sirimione chief among them - on a portrayal of hermione's intellectual expression which bears absolutely no relation to how this is written in canon.

across all seven books in the series, hermione's intellect primarily manifests itself in a sincerely impressive ability to retain and repeat information [very usually verbatim from the source she got it from]. she is able to use this ability to retain information to understand the theoretical components of magic in a way neither harry nor ron ever manage, and she is then able to apply this retention - that is, to repeat the information she has acquired - of knowledge to the performance of magic which is [often considerably] ahead of her expected level both in terms of the hogwarts curriculum and in terms of what would be seen as the median ability of an adult witch or wizard.

but hermione is never shown - at any point in canon - to be a particularly radical, creative, or experimental thinker.

she places an enormous amount of intellectual trust in disciplinary authority - not only in the respect she has for following textbooks and teachers to the letter [hence why she won't attempt any of the modifications in the half-blood prince's textbook, she thinks it's offensive that they contradict the "official" peer-reviewed and sanctioned instructions] but also in her agreement with the gatekeeping imposed by the state and/or its authorities on academic inquiry.

[hence her disliking the invented spells in the half-blood prince's textbook because they're not ministry approved, or her easing her discomfort at having read the books from which voldemort learned to make a horcrux by insisting - undoubtedly correctly - that dumbledore wanted her to do it and she therefore has the permission of an intellectual authority].

she's immediately mistrustful of anything she can't find [something she regards as] an empirical source for - which is why harry's mental connection with voldemort frightens her so much, or why she thinks that harry's lost his mind when he begins to insist the deathly hallows are real and important, or, most famously, why she thinks divination is bullshit.

she's never shown to be able to synthesise her knowledge [she never answers questions in class in her own words, she always goes massively over word limits], or to use it in ways which are considerably removed from its typical application.

[the protean charm on the da coins, for example - the magic she's using is sophisticated, and is being applied in a way which wouldn't necessarily be classroom-sanctioned, since she's using it to defy umbridge, but the evidence of canon is that it's not magic which is being used in a way which is removed from the spell's original purpose. terry boot is impressed because he's looking at a flawless execution of newt-level magic by a sixteen-year-old, rather than because hermione is using that magic in an unusual way. the same is true of the polyjuice potion - it's impressive because she brews it flawlessly aged thirteen.]

this is a very logical, rational, and scientific approach to learning - and one which the series, which tends to take a dim view of anything which deviates too far from the status quo, views extremely positively - and it is intelligence. i know some people think that when i say this about hermione i'm saying that she isn't clever - or that i'm saying she's less clever than the characters [all of whom are male] that the series permits to be "brilliant" - but that's not the case. hermione is clearly extremely clever - and her logical, empirical, careful approach comes in clutch for the trio throughout the series, right from philosopher's stone. her intellectual expression just isn't the only way intelligence can manifest itself - and it isn't an intellectual expression which will automatically mesh with another very clever person's approach.

which is to say... lord voldemort, both as a teen and an adult, is - intellectually - the complete opposite of hermione.

he is someone - as he tells us - who thinks of magic as a creative force he has every right to shape as he sees fit, something whose boundaries he has the inherent right to smash through. he rejects disciplinary authority [his loathing of dumbledore - as an adult, at least - is because he thinks that dumbledore is a petty-minded gatekeeper who attempts to repress the dark arts - magic, snape tells us, which is inherently ever-changing, unfixed, mutating - because he's afraid of them and their refusal to be neatly contained in disciplinary boxes; his appeal to slughorn's authority is purely a manipulation technique]. he is an adaptor and inventor, and he uses magic in ways which radically deviate from its intended purpose.

and so the common "teen tom riddle and hermione are at school together" trope that they'd both get off on being academic rivals is, in my view, impossible to justify while keeping either of them remotely canon-coherent. she's going to think he's a cunt. he's going to think she's irrelevant.

indeed, i genuinely think the most likely scenario if the two are at school together is that the teen voldemort wouldn't be able to pick hermione out of a line-up - not least because she has very little to offer him when it comes to his plans for world domination.

when it comes to those he's "nice" to, the teenage tom riddle targets the socially prominent, rich, and influential, whom he can use parasitically to his own ends.

he's happy, undoubtedly, to have minions who are less useful to him from a social-advancement perspective, but who come in handy as pawns in his schemes - as dumbledore puts it, "the weak seeking protection, the ambitious seeking some shared glory, and the thuggish gravitating toward a leader who could show them more refined forms of cruelty" - but this is the only thing he sees them as. hermione has a capacity for cruelty he would undoubtedly see potential in [even if he would probably be wary of her "run and tell teacher" vibe], but as someone who does his bidding only, rather than anyone for whom he's willing to fake [or, indeed, to actually feel] any degree of mutual affection.

and i do think this - in and of itself - is interesting. hermione is someone - as i've said elsewhere - who has a tendency towards blind loyalty, which often causes her to accept people she likes and/or respects treating her cruelly [something we see in canon particularly in how she reacts to snape's behaviour towards her]. she's also someone who is incredibly deferential to authority, fairly naive, convinced she's always right, convinced she's not irrational, superstitious, or emotionally-driven, and capable of pretty egregious cruelty in pursuit of being rational and correct.

or, in other words, she's very easy for a flesh-and-blood voldemort to manipulate.

[she's not at risk from a horcrux because she's possessed of the empirical fact that they can't hurt you if you don't let them get emotionally close to you, which impacts how she behaves around the locket.]

on the rare occasions when i've enjoyed fics with this pairing, then, they've tended to be ones which actually acknowledge this - and which have hermione completely destroyed by a voldemort [usually in adult form] who has never cared one iota about her, all because she was convinced she'd be far too clever to fall for his tricks.

[my rec: enigma by devdevlin.]

and this is the main way my view of tomione/volmione deviates from my view of tomarrymort or ronmort - i don't think there's any circumstance where it can ever work as something mutual, whereas the entire point of tomarrymort is that the relationship is something voldemort perceives as equal, and ronmort sees the dark lord running headfirst into ron's ability to disarm and confuse him by possessing a crumb of emotional intelligence. i don't think voldemort would hate hermione - or even be particularly irritated by her - but nor do i think he'd find anything about her interesting enough to make him want to keep her around for any longer than she was useful.

but - like so many hermione pairings - the default in tomione/volmione tends to be "omg, hermione is so hot, brilliant, and fascinating that [insert man here] becomes completely obsessed with her". whether the story leads to voldemort becoming a better person or hermione going over to the dark side, the way the pairing is written always assumes that hermione is someone voldemort would consider [often very quickly] important to him [even in circumstances where she is a prisoner]. only very rarely do fics ever explore the much more canon-justifiable - and, in my view, much more interesting - idea that voldemort is somebody hermione could and would consider important, while he wouldn't give a single fuck about her.

[neither of them give a shit about dead rabbits though. it's the only thing they have in common.]

There’s plenty of evidence to suggest that Lily wasn’t a feminist and, at most, had a basic understanding and practice of it, limited to choice feminism and girl-bossing. While that isn’t real feminism, it was probably the norm in the 70s.

But her life choices make it clear that she wasn’t a feminist icon and was perfectly content with following patriarchal traditions and taking part in patriarchal dynamics. It seems far more likely that she wasn’t a feminist than that she was.

So when I see someone saying she was a feminist, I just roll my eyes and scroll, because the idea seems pretty laughable to me.

The post: You can’t say Lily Evans was a feminist because a person with feminist awareness wouldn’t marry a privileged cishet man who abused his power by being a bully right in front of her.

The Snaters: LILY WAS FREE TO CHOOSE JAMES, DID YOU EXPECT HER TO CHOOSE SNAPE?

Me: At what point did I say she had to choose someone? At what point did I say I ship her with Snape? At what point does questioning a character’s political mindset turn into reducing her to an object of desire between two men?

Of course Lily was free to marry whoever she wanted; I have no problem with that. My issue is with people trying to portray her as some kind of feminist icon of the 70s when there is nothing in the canon to suggest that, and when that theory is contradicted by her life choices. A feminist woman from the 70s wouldn’t marry the class’s rich bully, wouldn’t end up with a hyper-toxic white guy who spent his time abusing classmates, wouldn’t end up with a spoiled and obnoxious brat who publicly stripped a working-class classmate against his will. And this has nothing to do with whether Lily should have ended up with someone else. Lily should end up with whoever she wants—no one is debating that. What’s being debated is the attempt to portray her as a feminist icon when she simply wasn’t.

Lily was a white girl from the 70s who was completely alienated from the patriarchal structures of her time, only cared about social issues that directly affected her, and chose a traditional life that was entirely in line with the patriarchal expectations for women of her era. She was not a revolutionary, she was not a feminist—she was a teenage mother who married her high school boyfriend, who happened to be a rich jerk. And saying that does not imply in any way that she should have chosen another man. The fact that Snaters are so obsessed with this just proves that all their so-called progressive rhetoric online is pure performance, because anyone with even a minimal understanding of the subject would never assume that criticizing a female character’s political stance means she has to pick one man over another.

Honestly, what a drag. But what’s even more exhausting is how all these people attack not only by twisting your words and making completely irrelevant statements but also by trying to argue their points with nothing but fan theories and assumptions based on their own biases or whatever fandom content they consume as if it were gospel. And the moment you counter them with canon-based arguments, suddenly, they decide the conversation is over and that they’re going to "leave it at that." Because, of course, the moment canon gets thrown in their faces, it turns out they have no ground to stand on, and their arguments are invalid because they’re built on nothing but the pillars of their imagination—so they have to retreat to avoid embarrassing themselves further.

I’ve said it over and over: I don’t care if people come to throw hate my way, and I don’t care if people come to debate. But if they do, at least have the guts and the dignity not to run away with their tails between their legs when I completely dismantle their cheap hate-filled discourse—because, honestly, it’s as embarrassing as it is disappointing.

I'm starting to get really interested in exploring the depths and realms of a sub Voldemort...

think all of my problems would be fixed if sirius and james kissed every once in a while