Literally In Love

Arthur and John trying the this isn’t you trope on Kayne of all people was kind of hilarious

LISTEN fish and chips is NOT mutual pining to me, it is one-sided on Chip's side. Not because Gillion doesn't love him back, but because Gillion accepts whatever love he is given and it doesn't occur to him to expect or demand any more. Gillion is very happy to be in a romantic relationship with Chip, but he's also happy to just be friends/family/whatever queerplatonic familial closeness Albatrio have going on. There's no pining on Gillion's side, because Gillion has already got a family he never would have expected to be blessed with, and it doesn’t occur to him to expect anything more than what has already far exceeded his expectations.

And this is where the angst comes in, because as we know, Chip:

hates himself and thinks he's a burden on everyone around him and thinks he’s unworthy of love

puts Gillion on a pedestal and thinks he’s this wonderful perfect paragon who Chip can never come close to measuring up to

has internalised homophobia and a crippling shame at the thought of ever revealing his dependence on others

So on the one hand we have Chip, with all these internal reasons why he can never bring himself to make the first move, because he thinks Gill would be disgusted at his presumption for thinking someone as amazing as Gill could possibly deserve someone as awful as Chip - and on the other hand we have Gillion, who is never going to make the first move because it would never occur to him to expect more love than he’s been granted, and would likewise consider it a presumption to demand more after he's received so much more generosity from the crew than he could have ever imagined, and probably expects Chip to someday find his true love and live happily ever after with them with Gill's blessing. So what do they do in this situation? Chip fantasises about Gillion being in love with him and making the first move, then feels disgusted at himself and beats himself up for feeling that way about his friend. Then Gill deliberately ignores any hints Chip might make that he likes Gill, because Gillion must be misinterpreting human behaviour again because in Gill's mind there’s no way Chip would be flirting with Gillion, Gillion never even considers that he might fill that role, because surely Chip is destined for another, a human from his own world. Then Chip interprets Gillion's intentional obliviousness as rejection, and a confirmation of all his negative beliefs about himself.

Suffer.

piecemeal

You will not use AI to get ideas for your story. You will lie on the floor and have wretched visions like god intended

Really enjoying the sheer number of times that Chip and Jay are experiencing the exact same trauma and the trauma is terrible things happening to Gillion Tidestrider that seem to effect them way worse

i keep thinking about this part, because it just seems so specific a thing to write, considering that harlan didn't have to name this character 'malam'.

merriam-webster says that the first known use of the word 'palindrome' was in 1637 - a far cry from the 1300s - and "in the past palindromes were more than just smart wordplay. Some folks thought they were magical, and they carved them on walls or amulets for protection."

since the episode dropped, i've seen a couple people in the tag mention that at first they thought malam was an alternate version of arthur - i did too. john's description of facial scars, a missing right ear, and differently colored eyes just sounds too reminiscent of arthur to be a coincidence. someone else said that malam's voice is the one closest to john's that harlan has used, and i had that passing thought while listening too.

obviously malam doesn't have arthur's face, since john would notice that, but i just keep thinking about palindrome. the same backwards as forwards.

malam is older, with a 'dark complexion'. he has arthur's scars, and the voice john would have in a human throat. differently colored eyes. he exists to bring justice to dead children. he says our "day of wrath".

the same backwards as forwards.

crow

You ever think about how crows are acting not unlike how early humans probably did and you're just like. Oh ok

Vox: To prevent double crossing, Val and I have sold our souls to each other at the beginning of our partnership

Vel: What

Vox: Yeah, you can take a look if you want

Vel: ...

Vel: This is a marriage certificate

CRYING

for i was not boy, just a faulty tool