“english Isn’t My First Langua—“ Say No More.

have you ever thought about how YOU were the problem? and then you start feeling really guilty and sad and oh my god why did i do that to them? then after a while you think back and you’re just like WAIT. i gave them chances. i told them about how i felt. they never changed. or was it me with standards to high? and then you’re just confused and lowkey frustrated

"'i love you. i have always love you.' that sentence wasn't grammatically correct. but it was right. because saying loved just felt wrong."

- something i wrote recently

Am I annoying? Yes

Do I give a fuck? Also yes I really am sorry about me all the time

a deer is a herbivore.

a lion is a carnivore.

and a werewolf is a chocolativore

I’M GNAWING AT MY ENCLOSURE TELL ME THIS ISN’T TIMEBOMB

barty is so "a pearl" by mitski coded.

he's sorry that he doesn't can't join the non-dark side (i'm not willing to call it the good side let's bfr it was sometimes darker than the "dark" side).

it's not that he hates the people that he's supposedly hates. it's just that he can't unlearn the things that he's been told is his future as a slytherin. he hates the fact that he's a part of the people who's "stuck in the past" and "can't undo past mistakes" but at the same time, he hates those who changed.

he hates that pandora decided to join the non-dark side and although she doesn't say it out loud, he knows that that side thinks that people like him are cowards. leave it to the gryffindors to point out when people are picking the safe option.

he hated regulus for sacrificing himself. how could he be so selfish as to leave him and evan alone? he just had to be brave at the last moment. out of all the things he could've given away, it was his life.

in azkaban, he thinks and thinks and thinks about those two sides and how they weren't all that different. how both he and sirius ended up at the same place for the same reason. they dared to hope.

the moment his father had said that evan was dead, all the hope and that small glimmer of light in him vanished. just. gone. and to think that he's got the better situation compared to sirius. atleast his friends don't hate his guts.

every night that's where he goes. back to the times where his arm doesn't feel like a 10 ton weight.

james' reggie

Regulus Arcturus Black wasn't always Regulus. Just last term, he was Rosalia Orion Black. But he was always James' Reggie.

Tonight was just the same as all the other nights he's spent with James these past few months. He would excuse himself from dinner in The Great Hall to go meet his boyfriend who's just finished Quidditch practice.

Boyfriend.

He's never used that word before.

James was definitely Regulus' boyfriend, but he wasn't too sure that he was James'.

He's told everybody but James. He's tried showing him. James was the first person he showed his new haircut to. The first person he told about his new name was Sirius, but he told James not too long after that. But he never actually asked James if he's his boyfriend. Frankly he doesn't want to either.

"You'll have to tell him sooner or later!" Pandora had said earlier. She's the only person that knows about him and James.

"I choose later," Regulus said, "I'm sure he knows anyways."

He wasn't sure. But Dora doesn't have to know that, does she? James is James. Even if he knew, he wouldn't treat Regulus any differently anyways.

"Tell him... later tonight, then? I just don't want you getting hurt, Reg."

This, Regulus sure of. If there was one true friend in the world whom he can trust, it would be Pandora. He doesn't want to make her worry too much. "I'll try" Regulus had replied with a soft smile, hoping that that was enough. He hates lying to Dora, but James was waiting. And if anything was going to end that conversation, it was him agreeing with her.

Now Regulus was on top of the Astronomy Tower, using the telescope that was placed near the window to look at the constellations above the roof. It always reminded him of home, without too many painful memories.

He hadn't realized the footsteps that were slowly coming closer to him until he felt a peck on his forehead.

"Hey, beautiful," James grinned.

Merlin, this boy. Reg felt his knees go weak. This always seems to happen whenever James is around. He didn't say anything. He didn't even take his face off of the telescope. James would just know that he's listening.

James began talking about his day, while Regulus slowly stepped back from the telescope to look at his boyfriend's face. How his eyes are almost black with just a hint of brown when the sun hits it just right. How his summer freckles disappear during the winter. How his glasses are always crooked and his hair is always messy, no matter how much hair gel he puts on. How he's still sweating after Quidditch and still Regulus would kill to hug him, knowing that all he had to do was ask. After all, that's what boyfriends do right? They cuddle together, cry together, occasionally do it, and they love each other during it all, right?

Reg had thought of what Pandora said during dinner. Tonight. He hated the thought of interrupting this seemingly perfect night to say that. Still he knew that if he didn't tell him tonight, he'll never tell James. He had to do it now.

"You should've seen Sirius then. He was shaking in his boots knowing that the chocolate he ate was Moony's, he couldn't even-"

"Love, can I ask you a question?" Reg hasn't said a word before. He's interrupted James before, sure, but that was to laugh at one of his stupid jokes or kiss him to erase that stupid grin off his face, stupid.

"Yeah, sorry I've been talking too much, again, haven't I?" James had sunken in his seat, his hand reaching up to scratch the back of his hair.

"No, no! Not at all." Reg doesn't want James to think that. Honestly, he'd be glad if James just interrupted him and started to continue talking about his day. But it seems that Regulus has caught James' attention. "It's just that, you remember how I cut my hair short? And... and that I'm not Rosalia anymore, just Regulus. You've also probably noticed that Dora and the others don't refer to me by 'she' anymore."

Surely, James had noticed. Surely, he knew.

"Mhm, Regulus fits you so much better actually."

"Yeah, thanks, well, I was wondering if you knew that, you know." He can't say it. The words just won't come out. James tilted his head to one side. "What is it, jaanu?" He looks like a lost puppy.

"I'm a boy. Maybe I wasn't technically one before but I am now." There it is. What's James going to say? He's James, Regulus told himself. He'll do what James does best. He'll be there for you.

"Oh." Oh? What does that mean?

James straightened his back. He lowered his eyes and started fidgeting with his fingers, picking the skin off of his thumb.

Regulus knew this was going to happen. His worst nightmare is coming true. Just when he thought James was his, he just had to come and ruin it all. Why can't he just push the feelings down anyways?

"I mean, this doesn't have to change anything! You don't have to treat me differently just because I'm a boy now, James." He has to fix this somehow, but how? James won't just forget that Regulus is a boy now. What if he's straight? What if Regulus was the guy that made James Fleamont Potter realize that he's straight? Merlin. no. No.

After a good, long second, James' eyes met his again. "Really?"

He had hope. "Yes, really. We can still hang out and be friends and all that."

"Friends." James echoed.

Friends. "Yeah, we don't have to stop being friends just because I'm a boy." Were they really friends? James kissed Reg's forehead just 5 minutes ago. Do friends do that?

Their meet-up didn't last as long as the other ones that night. James had to leave early for detention with McGonagall for setting off dungbombs in the girls' bathroom. It was Regulus' idea. He told James about it a week ago when they were talking about the Marauders' next prank.

Will that stop now that James knows he's a boy? Hopefully not.

Regulus couldn't sleep that night. He tossed and turned in his bed, finding himself stuck on the way James behavior quickly changed the moment he realized Reg is a boy. He would tell Sirius about this, but Sirius doesn't even know about his relationship with James. Or what once was. In the end, Reg found himself back in the Astronomy Tower, charting stars that he found in the night sky.

A week later, he was on his way up to the tower after dinner. He went there every night, hoping James would be there waiting for him. He always hoped that he just came early and that James would soon join him, but he never did.

When Regulus reached the top of the stairs, he found himself staring at an empty room. Until James took the Invisibility Cloak off.

"Reggie." He'd missed the sound of his name on the boy's lips. He wants to keep a recording of it and hide it from the world, only to play it when no one else was listening. James wasn't his, but at least his name was. It's the only piece of James he's gotten to keep all this time.

His feet started walking almost instantly into James' embrace, luckily, his senses came back to him. He's not yours, he had to remind himself. "Why're you here, James?"

He could see that James was taken aback. He's never really referred to James as 'James'. But what was he expecting?

"Look, I know that you're upset by what I said last week. But let me explain." James had pulled his hands back, now twiddling with his fingers again. "Just give me 5 minutes. Please?"

How could Regulus say no?

"Okay" He took a seat across from James. He didn't want to sit next to him. He's too scared of his hand accidentally touching James' and whatnot.

James took a deep breath. "What I said last week, I didn't mean it. I was just a bit shocked when you told me you were a boy. I don't mean that in a bad way, I should've figured it out before, but you know me. Anyways, I don't wanna be friends. I wanna be whatever we were before last week. I wanna be your boyfriend again, Reggie. May I?"

Regulus wasn't expecting this. He was hoping that James would say this, but that seemed so far away and now it's here right in front of him. Reg was too shy to say it, he just took James' chin and pulled him in, letting their lips touch.

Some time later, Reg found himself laying down on James' lap. He stayed still while James ran his hands through his hair, occasionally making the tiniest braids. He wanted to stay like this forever. Just a moment frozen in time where he was perfectly happy to just exist. He could've been asleep. James probably thought he was.

It was silent for a while, until James broke the silence.

"I wish you were a girl."

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this was inspired by that one audio on tiktok from the movie 'as you are'. i plan on watching this movie this december, hopefully before the new years. as always, this is just a small thing that i've wanted to make for a while, but i've just found the motivation now. excuse the grammar mistakes, english isn't my first language. hope you enjoyed this one <3 oh, and i wanted to make james hindi, so i did a quick google search on terms of endearment in hindi and i found the word "jaanu" that was said to mean "my life" (source: language drops). if it's wrong please excuse it and just think of it as james trying to refer to regulus sweetly.

have a good day/evening/night, loves <3

In honour of fourteen discovering aesthetic attraction please enjoy ten of my aesthetic crushes - I had no idea my type was so obvious

James: Reg, darling, love of my life, I’m begging you, please go see Madame Pomfrey. Pretty please? For me?

Regulus: I’m sorry, is this our stab wound??

Karma really worked its wonders with Cardan

Prince Cardan:

kicked dirt onto Jude's food

thrown Jude into a river and threatened her implicitly with drowning

threatened Jude to curse her with longing a kind word from his lips

High King Cardan:

ate dirt not to die

felt like he was drowning while Jude was under the waves

was ready to beg and grovel for a kind word from Jude