Why Do You Still Have Your Ropes Around My Hands?

— Ocean Vuong, Because It’s Summer

Famous art + references in movies (insp.)

Tokyo, Photo by Daido Moriyama, 1969

fuck

i feel like i don't really know what love is

like all the time i searched for it and craved it in every girl that was nice to me or even wasn't but now after i watched this movie i don't think i know what love means. it seems so unconditional and pure and i always thought that i know what love is and what it feels like and that i've been in love with people even if they didn't share the same. i look at my brother and his girlfriend and i see such purity and unconditional love in their eyes. but when i think back i don't know if i ever really felt that for a person. all the "love" i felt for people always had a mildy fear of pain. the fear that they don't love me back and if i act like that now that they won't like me anymore and i lose them. and in fact it mostly ended like that everytime. people get so sick of me and seem to forgot me quickly that i already had forgotten me. i think love will come but i don't know if i'm capable to really feel it or if i'm really getting irritated then. love is such a complex emotion. i always thought i had it but now i don't know if my feelings will ever got over the "you're my crush please notice me" phase. or is this already the love everyone is talking about because it sure doesn't feel like it.

actually i should go to sleep i'm really tired and i propably just think to much into it right now and tomorrow i will wake up and think what have i written yesterday? and the thought will fade away like real love does

or does it?

                                                             3:41 AM

on winter and longing

Sarah Kay, Natalie Diaz, Craig Keenan, Clarice Lispector, Mahmoud Darwish, Brittany Cossette, Franz Kafka, Edvard Munch, Richard Siken, Haruki Murakami, Holly Warburton, Mahmoud Darwish

buy me a coffee

I didn’t think you’d fall in love with me.

In the Mood for Love 花樣年華 (2000) dir. Wong Kar Wai