What Loving Someone When You Have Anxiety Is Really Like.

What Loving someone when you have anxiety is really like.

What if you know you found the one, but every minute of the day feel like you don’t deserve them because you are worthless and not believing a single thing of what they say to you, because past relationships messed you up so bad that you have trust issues. Seeing every compliment as a lie because in your head it is simply not possible for someone to look at you that way. You make up the worst scenarios in your head of them leaving you, but you are too scared to tell them because they might actually do. Waking up every single night crying because in your dreams they don’t want to be with you, like you always expected. It feels like loving me is a job not something you do because you actually love me. I worry about everything. I overreact half of the time and I push you away when I need you the most. I need constant reassurance and god I hate it so much. There is always this fear of not knowing what someone actually thinks about you because the voices in your head are screaming at the sweet words he tells you. I say ‘sorry’ 20 times a day because I actually think I insulted you in some way and the smallest arguments seem like the end of the world. I cry and panic over the smallest things and I ask if I am annoying at least 3 times a day because I believe I am. I cry every time you have to go home or when you leave because it might be the last time I get to see you even though I know that’s not true. I never expected finding the love of my life would also be one of the most painful things ever.

More Posts from Medintp and Others

6 years ago

The International Space Station: Apex of International Collaboration

It’s National Space Day! To mark the occasion, we’re reflecting on the International Space Station, which has been continuously occupied since Nov. 2, 2000. As our orbiting laboratory that enables us to conduct important science off our home planet, the ISS allows researchers from all over the world to put their talents to work on innovative experiments in the microgravity environment. An international partnership of space agencies provides and operates the elements of the ISS. The principals are the space agencies of the United States, Russia, Europe, Japan and Canada. Although each space station partner has distinct agency goals for station research, each partner shares a unified goal to extend the resulting knowledge for the betterment of humanity! Here are 5 fun facts about our about our out-of-this world floating laboratory:

1. The ISS is a unique scientific platform that has enabled more than 3,600 researchers in 106 countries and areas to conduct more than 2,500 experiments in microgravity through February 2018—and the research continues. 

2. Astronauts and cosmonauts have conducted more than 205 spacewalks (and counting!) for space station construction, maintenance and repair since December 1998.

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3. The station’s orbital path takes it over 90 percent of the Earth’s population, with astronauts taking millions of images of the planet below. 

4. Six spaceships can be connected to the space station at once.

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5. An international crew of at most six people live and work while traveling at a speed of five miles per second, orbiting Earth about every 90 minutes.

Currently, six humans are living and working on the International Space Station, which orbits 250 miles above our planet at 17,500mph. 

Make sure to follow us on Tumblr for your regular dose of space: http://nasa.tumblr.com.

6 years ago

“If we break up, I want closure. None of this bitter high school mentality that usually follows after someone leaves. I want a long talk about what went wrong, why we couldn’t fix it, and how we’ll move on afterward. I want to know how I made you feel and what thought-process led you to the decision that you’re making. Because if I spent a fraction of my life devoted to loving you, you can’t expect me to let you go without any explanation as to why you’re going in the first place. If I love you, there will always be a piece of me that loves you. So let’s talk it through and forgive each other, neither of us are perfect and we’re both still learning how to love. And that’s okay, it is. But instead of seeing each other the next day and awkwardly pretending we weren’t ever anything at all, let’s forgive each other now and move on. Make peace.”

— Car thoughts #150

6 years ago

Ugh #1

Fucking up when you knew you would is so funny.

Your depression is there to tell you you are a worthless piece of shit who has to fuck other people up.

But you are ready.

Anxiety already prepared you for fucking up. 😝 you knew that would happen


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6 years ago

people who can graciously hide that they don’t like people are so terrifying. last year while working on tech for a play i asked my friend how he became friends with another guy on the crew and he got quiet, looked straight into my soul and said “he’s not my friend. i fucking hate him.” i lost 5 years of my life

5 years ago

Iconic Bellarke lines

To get you through these tough times, until Bellarke is an official ship.

1. Bellamy: If I’m on that list, you’re on that list. Write it down or I will.

Iconic Bellarke Lines

2. Bellamy: Clarke, If I don’t see you again-

Clarke: No, You will

Iconic Bellarke Lines

3. Bellamy: We can’t lose Clarke! We can’t lose her.

Iconic Bellarke Lines

4. Clarke: You’ve got such a big heart Bellamy. People follow you, you inspire them because of this (Touches his heart). But the only way we’re gonna get through this is if you use this too (touches his head).

Bellamy: I got you for that.

Iconic Bellarke Lines

5. Clarke: The Heart and the Head.

Bellamy: The Heart and the head

Iconic Bellarke Lines

6. Bellamy: I was so mad at you for leaving. I don’t want to feel that way anymore.

Iconic Bellarke Lines

7. Bellamy: Besides, I could use a break from keeping you alive.

Clarke: Thank you for keeping me alive.

Bellamy: Well, you don’t make it easy.

Iconic Bellarke Lines

8. Diyoza: 283 lives for one. She must be pretty important to you.

Bellamy: She is.

Iconic Bellarke Lines

9. Jaha: She’s lucky to have you. You keep her centred.

Bellamy: You got it backwards.

Iconic Bellarke Lines

10. Bellamy: Together.

Iconic Bellarke Lines
6 years ago

Lmao what did Ariana do that means she needs to get booed at Manchester?

google is free and this article does a good job of explaining but because i dont want anyone to continue to give this girl money for being shit person, here we go.

besides being a cishet white woman HEADING a PRIDE EVENT (Which is something i shouldnt need to explain why its bad.. pride is by and for lgbt people and should not be HEADLINING a cishet.) 

Racism

Lmao What Did Ariana Do That Means She Needs To Get Booed At Manchester?

this is her like 5 years ago vs her now. she is a white girl wearing blackface.  and before you go “thats not blackface! thats just a tan!!!” 

Lmao What Did Ariana Do That Means She Needs To Get Booed At Manchester?

this is her on stage next to nicki minaj, a black woman. she is darker than nicki minaj. this is what a tan looks like

Lmao What Did Ariana Do That Means She Needs To Get Booed At Manchester?

a tan is supposed to give you a more golden sun touched look, NOT MAKE YOU LOOK LIKE A DIFFERENT RACE! (also tan is a golden/yellow brown, not a deep brown… this is not an accident)

her hair, by the way, is in fact exensions. again, making her hair thicker and darker in order to pass as a poc… she steals from black musicians too… like its not news that white people steal culture from poc then market it as a new trend but… she really takes it to a whole new level and acts as if her new look is some fucking brand she made. 

remember shen she got a tattoo for 7 rings but didnt finish it and said “oh thats just fine :)” ? 

transmisogyny

in her video “thank you next” she has a man in a dress stereotype for a trans girl, then painted said person as desperate for a date.  this is a transmisogynist caracature. she is a cishet girl. this is transphobic. end of discussion.

homophobia

shouldnt have to explain why a het girl using sexualized lesbians that look like they came out of a porno for men in a music video for views isnt ok.

etc

she ignores when everyone first tried to tell her NICELY that what she was doing is wrong but as soon as people got less than kind about it, got all guilt trippy like a 3 yr old and went “why cant we just all get along its so sd to see people hating like this :(((((( be nice :(( “ 

she is friends with Pierce Morgan (known facist) and is QUITE PUBLIC ABOUT THIS, she constantly preaches the “we should just sit down and talk to people who are flaming bigots. their bigotry is just a difference of opinions ❤️❤️❤️” which is propaganda created by, surprise, the very bigots it refers to. if we dont fight or get upset then they can continue to be horrible people without consequence. 

she is now INSISTING on headlining pride, and i have seen more homophobic people than i can count say theyre going to buy tickets to pride just to see her. let me repeat that. homophobes are going to pride to see a homophobic artist. this is disgusting. this puts every gay and trans person there in danger. actually, it puts everyone there in danger because it is a pride event and any homophobes will see you there and assume youre gay anyhow so! 

tldr: ariana grande is a racist, transphobic, homophobic white girl parading around in blackface and appropriates black, latino, and asian cultures for $$$ and uses lgbt people for views.

4 years ago
Forgot I Made These Quick Refs Once!! It’s Not That You Should Feel Obligated To Portray Every Part
Forgot I Made These Quick Refs Once!! It’s Not That You Should Feel Obligated To Portray Every Part
Forgot I Made These Quick Refs Once!! It’s Not That You Should Feel Obligated To Portray Every Part
Forgot I Made These Quick Refs Once!! It’s Not That You Should Feel Obligated To Portray Every Part
Forgot I Made These Quick Refs Once!! It’s Not That You Should Feel Obligated To Portray Every Part
Forgot I Made These Quick Refs Once!! It’s Not That You Should Feel Obligated To Portray Every Part
Forgot I Made These Quick Refs Once!! It’s Not That You Should Feel Obligated To Portray Every Part

Forgot I made these quick refs once!! It’s not that you should feel obligated to portray every part of an animal correctly, but in some cases these are very unique, interesting features that very few artists are ever utilizing creatively!

6 years ago

are you a pink lemonade gay or a vanilla coke gay? sword gay or axe gay? cats and dogs gay or snakes and lizards gay? string lights gay or neon lights gay?


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6 years ago

guys… I don’t know if you know this but… if you wake up early… there’s so many more hours in the day

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medintp - I'm going slightly mad
I'm going slightly mad

97', She/her, queer medstudent 3/6 INTP, Ravenclaw

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