They're So Everything To Me.

derek: I wish there were a better way to deal with Peter

stiles: There is, but we’re both too pretty for jail

oh yes it's that time of year again

The funniest part about liking Serious Angst Themes while simultaneously fixating on a silly blorbo from my show is that 13 year old me would be writing the exact same type of fanfics as me now. Real tragedy enjoyers know ts for life

Me: what if my favorite characters smoked cigarettes ans has severe trauma 😈

13 year old me: And drank alcohol and had horrible coping mechanisms too

Me: thats badass. I like the way you think

13 year old me: stop saying cusswords my mom Will get mad

Me: sorry

13 year old me: why are you a boy

Me: We're getting off topic.

Derek: Damn, we're locked out.

Stiles: Don't worry, I got this.

Stiles: *takes a hammer out of his backpack and smashes the lock*

Derek: You just...keep a hammer in your bag?

Stiles: You don't know everything about me.

Imagine Rafael coming into the office to see a very confused FBI agent, staring into oblivion with a look on his face that’s a mix of horror, shock and utter confusion.

He hesitantly asks the agent what’s wrong and he says, with all the seriousness in the world, “I think Stilinski is a psychopath.”

Rafe tries his hardest not to laugh and ask why the agent thinks that.

“I got a report on a mysterious death and I noticed the last name was Hale. I asked Stilinski ‘Isn’t that your husband’s last name?’ and he goes ‘Yeah, it is’. So I ask him if he knows anyone by the name of Peter Hale, and he said, ‘Yeah, he’s Derek’s uncle. What’s he done now?’” The guy takes a moment to gather himself. “I said that I was sorry to tell him that Peter was dead.”

Rafe bites his lip to stop himself from laughing.

“And Stilinski…” The guy looks terrified. “He laughed. He laughed and said ‘If only’.”

“Right. I’ll talk to Stilinski. In the meantime, I’ll take this case off your hands.”

A moment later, Rafe then finds Stiles in the hallway and sees Stiles angrily hang up the phone.

“Still alive?” Rafe calls out to him, guessing what has him upset.

“He’s still alive!” Stiles says livid, snatching Peter’s case file that Rafe holds out to him as he angrily stomps back to his desk, muttering something about Peter being a pain in the ass.

Stiles posts a tiktok of him just strolling through the woods talking about how he heard on his police scanner someone had found a skull and a skeleton hand buried under a tree.

After he trips for the third time in 5 minutes, he pauses for a break and says, “which is so rude, honestly. Why can’t I find a buried skull?”

He takes a deep breath before exhaling noisy, “anyway, look at this tree,” he turns the camera to a grey, dying looking tree. It’s an odd tree compared to the healthy, full and green trees around it. The tree has bare branches that look like hands grasping at the sky.

Stiles makes a humming noise off camera, “a good classic tree to give a sacrifice.”

“You think so?”

Stiles shrieks and his phone drops to the forest floor.

“What the FUCK?”

There’s a few seconds where there sounds to be a struggle and then another shriek echos through the air.

The video keeps playing for a moment before the view starts to shift as the phone is picked up and then the video ends.

The video gains view after view after view and has a couple hundred comments such as

did he die?

bro, what the hell happened?

part 2????

DID HE GET KIDNAPPED?

staged!!!

Where’s the next part?

Bro, I heard he’s actually missing…

WHY WOULD YOU GO IN THE WOODS ALONE?????

Sometimes when doing writing research you find a little factoid that isn’t right for tormenting YOUR blorbos, but it is PERFECT for tormenting a friend’s blorbos so you just drop the fact on their doorstep like a demented little present.