My Stomach Hurts

fake relationship but its a king and his concubine that was once an amazing soldier but he couldn’t go up the ranks for whatever reason so the king was like listen. hear me out. you can be my strategy dude. u just gotta be okay w walking around shirtless a lot. and soldier dude is like man that’s an UPSIDE and yknow they end up falling in love

growing up without a fidget toy moodboard

It’s like watching a car repeatedly drive straight into a wall. It’s unexplainable, it looks like it hurts a lot, but ultimately it ends up being darkly, ironically funny.

like a year ago I saw a trailer for Some Fucking Romcom where I thought for the first thirty seconds the plot was “bride asks her gay brother and his boyfriend to get heterosexual dates for her wedding”

turns out the plot actually was “bride asks her two Commitmentphobic ™ brothers to get dates for her wedding” which, lame

I like my idea, where two gay dudes and two lesbians have to pretend to be straight for an entire weekend 

“I can definitely pretend to be straight,” Lesbian One says, “I successfully pretended to be a straight man for twenty years.”

“No,” her girlfriend Lesbian Two says, “no you definitely didn’t.”

Lesbian Two, who is butch, discovers an eyelash curler. “What is this, a torture device?”

Gay Guy One hooks up with the DJ, the wedding planner, three caterers and the best man. Shenanigans happen as he narrowly avoids getting caught by the bride.

Gay Guy Two, of course, finds himself falling hopelessly in love with the groom.

At the climax of the movie Gay Guy One falls out of the closet where he’s making out with his latest conquest, the florist. The bride screams, eyeliner smearing from tears, about how he’s RUINING HER WEDDING and she didn’t choose to have a brother who was QUEER and why didn’t he ever think about HER and why couldn’t he just pretend to be NORMAL for her SPECIAL DAY–

the groom is like “honey, I’m bi”

the bride says “no, you’re not! you’re marrying me! you’re straight now!”

and then the wedding is called off and Gay Guy Two and the groom live happily ever after. the after-credits scene is Lesbian Two suspiciously poking her eyelids with an eyelash curler

This was the funniest hour of my life

(british lady from hitman voice) Elon Musk eliminated. Good job, 47. Your next target, Jeff Bezos.

Tall, big tiddies, smiley, glowing eyes….

I had to doodle it… It struck me so suddenly LMAO

(I was gonna make Deku Baku and Todo as his ‘daughters’ but I didnt feel like it… and frankly Im not contributing to Horis propaganda.)

Gold Peach

BREAKING: Astrology has now been entirely replaced with which Mario Kart character you main

bruh

Mexico legalized same sex marriage too! #LoveWins