Something Something Throwing Stones In Glass Houses

911 calls from Jaime Lannister: Human Disaster

Jaime: 911? Yeah, my sister-in-law is going into labor.

911 operator: Is this her first child?

Jaime: No, this is her brother-in-law!

911 operator: *hysterically laughing*

~

911 operator: This is 911, what’s your emergency?

Jaime: Is this the operator I spoke to yesterday?

911 operator: I’m sorry?

Jaime: I’m Jaime Lannister. The guy who’s sister was in labor.

911 operator: Oh, yes sir. That was me.

Jaime: You laughed.

911 operator: I did. That was incredibly insensitive. I’m so sorry.

Jaime: What’s your name?

911 operator: Are you going to report me?

Jaime: No. I’m gonna ask you on a date.

911 operator: Absolutely not.

Jaime: Why?

911 operator: We don’t even know each other!

Jaime: Isn’t that the whole point of a date? To get to know each other?

911 operator: I’m hanging up now, Sir.

Jaime: Wait! Can you just tell me your name, please?

911 operator:...

911 operator: It’s Brienne.

Jaime, smiling: Goodbye, Brienne.

~

Jaime: 911? My niece is going to prom.

Brienne: Mr. Lannister, is- is that you?

Jaime: She’s only 16!

Brienne: *sighs* That’s usually when they go, Sir.

Jaime: I need a police officer here.

Brienne: You have an actual problem, Sir?

Jaime: Yes I have a problem! Somebody has to tell her she can’t go! And it’s not gonna be me!

Brienne: Sir...

Jaime: What would you do? How would you stop her?

Brienne, through gritted teeth: I wouldn’t. Let her go to the damn prom and quit being a jackass about it!

Brienne: I’m sorry. That was rude.

Jaime: No. You’re right. I like you Brienne.

Brienne: Goodbye, Sir.

~

Jaime: 911? I accidentally stepped on my dogs tail and I need to be arrested.

Brienne: *sighs* Mr. Lannister, you have got to stop this.

Brienne: I’m hanging up now. Tell your dog you’re sorry and give it a treat.

Jaime: Thanks, Brienne! I’ll talk to you tomorrow!

Brienne: Please don’t.

~

Brienne: This is 911, what’s your emergency?

Jaime: Good morning, Brienne!

Brienne: Mr. Lannister you have to stop-

Jaime: I’m pretty sure it’s a real emergency this time!

Brienne: How sure?

Jaime, hesitantly: 12%

Brienne: Goodbye, Mr. Lannister.

~

Brienne: This is 911, what’s your emergency?

Jaime: How’s your day going, Brienne?

Brienne: You know you can be arrested for this?

Jaime: For what?

Brienne: Making fake 911 calls.

Jaime: They’re not fake!

Brienne: They are.

Jaime: I say they’re not, and I’m the victim here!

Brienne: You’re not! You’ve never been the victim! The closest we got was when your sister-in-law was in labor.

Jaime: Hmmmm. Yeah, that’s pretty accurate.

Brienne: I have to go now.

Jaime: Are you gonna have me arrested?

Brienne: Are you gonna call me again?

Jaime: For sure.

Brienne: Goodbye, Mr. Lannister.

Jaime: Jaime. Call me Jaime, Brienne.

Brienne, softly: Goodbye, Jaime.

~

Brienne: This is 911, what’s your emergency?

Jaime: Hello, Brienne.

Brienne: Dear gods.

Jaime: Wait! Don’t hang up! Would you like to go on a date with me?

Brienne: *sighing* Not this again.

Jaime: Just one date! And if you don’t like me, I’ll leave you alone. I promise.

Brienne: Are you serious?

Jaime: Serious as a heart attack! Haha get it?

Brienne, rolling her eyes: Yeah, I get it.

Jaime: So?

Brienne: You’re not going to like me.

Jaime: Oh, I like you already. Very much.

Brienne, quietly: One date. That’s it.

Jaime: That won’t be it though, Brienne.

Brienne: Excuse me?

Jaime: I’m going to make you fall in love with me.

Brienne: I doubt that.

Jaime: Have you ever known a man to be so persistent?

Brienne: I should have had you arrested.

Jaime: But you didn’t. See, you like me already.

Jaime: I’ll call you tomorrow.

Brienne: Wait! Let me give you my number!

Jaime: I already have it.

Brienne: Not 911, you idiot!

Jaime: But it’s our thing.

Brienne: It’s really not.

Jaime: It is. Goodbye, Brienne.

Brienne, laughing: Goodbye, Jaime.

The way Penelope thought Colin was asking her to come up to his room for a dick down and she was fully ready to accept but her only worry was that she wouldn’t be able to sneak in without being caught 😭

Cory kill an otaku

(Adox) IN CELEBRATION OF 117 fiNALLY GETTING ANIMATED, I DECIDED TO MAKE A BAKUGOU FANSONG! 

Lyrics:

you’re an exile/ a cause without a rebel/ scream to let it all out but your/ feet won’t reach the pedals/

a voice without a reason/ only calls your name/ It’s never hunting season/ but you’re runnin’ with wolves again/

You’re about to blow/ you’re about to set on fire/ you’re about to show/

how the blood tastes; stuck on your tongue/ you’re in first place, the sparks got caught in your lungs/ how the mud takes; when you always look up/ how the earth feels, when you are the sun/how the earth feels, when you are the sun/

You’re so hostile/ a cause without a rebel/ stuck inside your guilt/ stuck beside a pebble/

you never need a reason/ ‘cause he’s the one to blame/ otherwise it’s treason/ to hang your head in shame/

you’re about to blow/ you’re usin’ up all of your ire/ you’re about to show/

how you’re muzzled; how it’s all covered up/ you’re in trouble, it’s never ever enough/ how you’re flying, until you come crashing down/ how the earth feels, now that you’re stuck on the ground/ how the earth feels, now that you’re stuck on the ground/

your punch is like a bomb/ your wick’s inside/ you try to patch it up/ but the jabs still fly/

your heart is like a drum/ your eyes, they’re like blood/ you try to patch it up/ but you’re a rebel with a cause/ a rebel with a cause/

Credit: @nono13cucu on twitter

Welcome back Aemond and Helaena Targaryen

Reverso de Trope!

Alguém gostaria de um desafio? Foi sugerido para mim pelas lindas @Mary-in e @TrevoCobre que eu traduzisse essas tropes reversas e fizesse um pequeno desafio. Para participar é fácil: postar em qualquer plataforma de fanfic, apenas colocar a #desafioreverso e pronto!  Eu traduzi desse post originalmente:  https://www.tumblr.com/spacedace/748376430752284672/yall-someone-on-reddit-made-a-list-of-reverse?source=share

Espero que gostem!

Camas demais

Sequestrar acidentalmente o chefe da máfia

O cara bonzinho que odeia SÓ você

Rivais acadêmicos, porém são dois professores competindo por qual sala é melhor

Divórcio de conveniência

Comunicação em excesso

Verdadeiro beijo de ódio ( só beijando o inimigo para quebrar a maldição)

Namorar o irmão do seu inimigo

De amantes a inimigos

Ódio à primeira vista

Triângulo em que os dois interesses amorosos ficam juntos.

Falsa amnésia

Almas gêmeas que são destinadas em matarem uma a outra.

De estranhos à inimigos

Ao invés de falso namoro, todos acham que não tem nenhum namoro.

Quente demais para conchinha

Interesse amoroso CEO bonitão/bobão

Enfermagem em casa