Marcilene-rose - Marci

ppl are so annoying “you can’t paint ur bedroom pink you’re an adult” i did not spend my entire life waiting to grow up and control my life to paint my bedroom beige

You know that John Mulaney quote, “the things crazy people say mean nothing to them, but everything to me”?

Now, every time I get on the school elevator, I think of that.  So for backstory, I sprained my ankle when I fell down the stairs about a month ago, this granted me access to the elevator in my school.  A couple of days ago I was waiting to get on the elevator to my fourth block class when a girl wearing sweatpants, a sweatshirt, a messy bun, and socks and sandals approaches me.  In one hand, she held a McDonald's milkshake or frappe of some sort, and in the other, a paper plate with some folded over paper towels stacked on it.  “Hey, can I ride with you? I’m lazy.”  I smile and say “yeah, of course!” because we’ve all been there (and I don’t like confrontation.)

While we are waiting for the elevator she asks me, “Hey, do you like bacon?”

“Yes?”

“Do you want some?  I made it in foods.” She said, unfolding the paper towel.

Now, I have been told many times by my parents not to take candy from creepy old men in sketchy vans, but I have never been warned about not taking bacon from a teenage girl.  That thought and the fact that she was offering me free food made me say “yeah” and take the bacon.

The elevator door opens up and we get in.  The door closes and after a brief conversation about what floor we’re going to she says, “Hey, can I tell you something gross, but kind of cool?”

“Sure,” I said, now questioning my judgment and critical thinking skills.

The elevator had a little gap between the sidewall and the wall with the door and buttons, in this gap, is a bunch of nasty splatters of god knows what.  She points to one of the splatters and asks,” You know what that is?”

I shook my head.

“That's a loogie.  Do you know who made that?  I made that.  Freshmen year.  I’m a senior now.  Just shows you how much they clean this place.”

The elevator door opens.  “See ya.”  She gets out of the elevator, and I’m still standing there, frozen in shock and in utter disbelief at what had just happened, half a piece of bacon in my hand, which I was now hesitant to eat.  When she was bacon girl it was fine, but now shes loogie girl.  Anyway, I walk to my class, bacon in hand, as like, I dunno, proof that it happened, that I wasn’t dreaming.

“the shame i feel for even thinking there’s a possibility we could end up together is crippling”

— please get out of my mind

me, reaching into my dresser drawer for black pants: I hope this isn’t the pair with big holes worn in the inner thighs

Marie Kondo, gently over my shoulder: why is a pair of pants you find unwearable still in your dresser drawer

me: oh shit that’s right!! The dresser is for clothes that under some circumstance I might conceivably wear!!

Marie Kondo, beaming proudly: Yes, that’s correct!! These pants must have been your favorites. How wonderful that they were so comfortable and practical that you wore them out. But now since they no longer function as pants, you should move them from the drawer where you keep your functioning pants!

me: Yes thanks I got it they’re in the fabric basket now

Marie Kondo, fading back into the darkness: I love what you’ve done with the kitchen!!

hey

guess what

you’re so close to surviving 2018

you can make it

i’m so proud that you’re still here

keep going buddy

i love you

my dog Lois!!!

if i’m ever brutally murdered and everyone feels like they need to do something productive in my memory, all i want is for you to pass legislation banning LED headlights in my name. regardless of how irrelevant it is to my murder. it’s relevant to my heart.

Stop going until we figure it out

credit to @iamhomeless.iamgay on insta