Literally Though If You Feel Like Your Life Is Slipping Through Your Fingers And Every Day Goes Too Fast…

to all of my dolls finding themselves:

originality is the "aesthetic" you are looking for. individuality is the "it factor" you are looking for. from your personality, pieces, hair, cadence of voice...even down to your favorite foods or special interests. you aren't supposed to change every aspect about yourself to be more palatable for everyone you meet. that actually makes you BORING!!!

"but so and so is doing this" "but what if people don't like it" ... so??? don't take people disliking your aesthetic as a sign that you need to do something different. like, of course they don't like it or have second thoughts - it's because THEY wouldn't do it themselves because it wouldn't go with THEIR given aesthetic. HELLOO??????

unless they are like minded, stop asking other people to weigh in on the things you CLEARLY like about yourself. especially if it's a core personality trait or interest. your LIFE isn't a group project. your LIFE is not a co-op game.

and yes... people will try to force you to assimilate and follow the crowd by speaking misfortune on your rebrand, your expression, your hobbies, your chosen path out of jealousy. however, that jealousy is lowkey unspoken respect for the fact you have the candor to go against homogeneity.

your authentic dedication to everything that makes you YOU is what will bring you the illustrious life you so fervently seek in the end...not some book a celebrity wrote or a youtube video. it's in YOUR DNA to be a star already in anything you want to do.

there isn't one tutorial on this world wide web that will help you if you don't realize you have the components within you first. there is NOTHING wrong with you!!! you are EVERYTHING that is right already!!!

NEVER conform to the way they think you should shine.

Back in March, I went out for drinks with some colleagues from my vanilla job. A couple rounds in, one of them confessed to me that she’d wanted so badly to hate me when we first met, because I was beautiful, confident, put together, and always seemed to get what I wanted. But she got to know me- my personality, kindness, and work ethic- and realized that no matter how badly she wanted to hate me, she couldn’t.

Babes, this is the way to live your life. Be so gorgeous, poised, self assured, and successful that the people around you- especially women- want to hate you. Be so kind, funny, charming, clever, and hardworking that they can’t possibly bring themselves to do it.

This is a masterlist to help you , elevate your mindset. It only works if you actually implement it , just watching videos and daydreaming, will not.

I'm always open to suggestions to add any videos to this , just send me an ask or a comment

how to master your emotional intelligence

"friends" to watch out for

you are a queen , u were born one

bye bye lazy girl era

the song jia effect

overcome your phone addiction

acceptance and change

learning to value

not taking risks , is the biggest risk

the perfect student

your enemies are secretly addicted to you

creating a successful mindset

mindset is everything

being your own dream girl

stop being lazy and pathetic

Dear dream girl, I really want to be my dream girl but I don’t know where to start. I feel unmotivated most of the time and I only get a burst of motivation at like 3 am. I just what to glow and radiate good energy for myself and find/do what I like

Oh, So You Wanna Be a Dream Girl? 🎀

starting your dream girl journey

Congrats on choosing yourself and your tiara; I am so proud. Prepare to not be liked, to be judged, and to stand out. It’s lonely at the top.

*this guide is for starting the process, not reaching the end result because my version of my own dream girl is inevitably different than yours. bare in mind i’m not holding your hand. i’m nudging you in a good direction.

what is a dream girl?

a dream girl is a girl that has finally fallen in love with who she sees in the mirror. she’s the girl that she can depend on. she has her desired look and she’s on the path to self actualization actively. she’s aware of her branding. she holds herself to the standards she holds other to; and they are HIGH. her self worth isn’t contingent upon a love interest, amount of money, or social status. she’s simply that girl.

do some healing.

yes, i said it. healing. like i’ve said before, you cannot put glitter on literal garbage. that’s not even the slightest bit appealing. you’re gonna journal about your childhood, your biggest influences in life, your biggest fears and how you feel life has treated you. this calls for shadow work. shadow working really helped me figure out some of my toxic traits and how some of the things that were considered normal to me as a child have affected me in the long run. you’re also gonna write hypothetical letters to your loved (and not-so-loved) ones, including yourself. let it all out. say everything you want that person to know. around you or not, dead or alive. prepare to clam up, cry, get angry, feel anxious. good. you should. you feel clammy, hot and sometimes pain when your body is fighting off and healing from a physical sickness. now you’re dealing with the developmental, mental, and emotional parts. you’re doing yourself a disservice choosing to stay the same toxic, nasty, mean, or victimized person you’ve always been.

what do you want?

before you can start to even do the smallest improvements, you have to have a clear goal. or else you’ll just be running around in circles (heh) over grandiose blurry wishful thinking. ultimately resulting in you giving up and choosing to be basic bc it’s easier. what do you want out of life? how do you want to be treated? what do you want to do? what makes you happy? and most importantly, how do you want to feel? see, it’s more than just the frills and glitter. you have to know what you’re trying to get to, internally and externally.

grab a diary, adorn it with pretty little details and commit to it. pair it with your fav writing utensil. outline all of your goals. every single last one of them. you can categorize them, scale them from short to long term, easy to hard. it doesn’t matter. do absolutely what you want to do to make a concrete record of your goals that’s digestible for you.

what are you going to do?

*fabulosity by kimora lee simmons*

compare your dream reality to the one you’re currently experiencing. what is she doing that you aren’t? that’s it. do that. anyone can read blogs about the process and other people success stories but those posts aren’t gonna change your life unless you get up and go for what you want. i don’t know what exactly you desire out of life. you do. so you have the instructions for this journey. the first part was easy, this is simple but not nearly as effortless. it’s up to you and not anyone else. you teach others how to treat you. improvements you can make include better: hygiene, self talk/treatment, outward energy, work ethic, discipline, health, consumed content, relationships, looks, habits.

the work

it’s time to apply yourself. get up everyday and actively work towards your goal. be kind to yourself. take yourself to the doctors. get active. eat right. find your passion. DO THE HEALING.

everyone’s journey is SO different so i’m just going to do a quick rundown of the importance of each of the ten facets of your dream girl journey (that build upon each other. ie; looks do not benefit you when your hygiene is insufficient):

*these facets are loosely based on maslow’s hierarchy of needs

health - are you taking care of yourself? please treat yourself how you would your loved ones. you’ll be surprised how physical issues manifest mentally, and vice versa. get adequate sleep. take baby steps if need be. some of these adjustments may be huge to you. be gracious with your journey.

consumed content - everything you engage in is your diet. the company you keep, food you eat, music you enjoy. you get the idea. do you feel light and ready to take on the day? or do you feel drained and sick more often than not. make some adjustments wherever you see necessary.

hygiene - extremely important. stick to a routine for your hygienic needs. you should have rituals you engage in everyday. don’t forget that your health and hygiene go hand in hand. oral and feminine hygiene is so crazily important. please don’t neglect yourself. i talk about my routines in detail here.

habits - daily habits are so crucial to your lifestyle. adjust these and consciously break your bad habits by supplementing your life with equal and opposite habits.

self talk/treatment - simple. be kind to yourself. hold yourself accountable for flaws and mistakes while loving yourself enough to be patient with the journey of improving.

outward energy - be very aware of the vibes you’re permeating. again this is so a huge determination of how you will be treated and how you will live your life.

work ethic/discipline - it’s gonna take serious accountability to escape the desire to stay comfortable. you have to tell yourself that you deserve *your desired end result* so i will *make specific change/adjustment.* it’s that simple (again simple doesn’t mean easy).

relationships - if you don’t like the way you’re treated by those in your life, those relationships need to be reevaluated. you can make some trims on your circle, have some honest conversations, or adjust your behaviors (because sometimes, YOU are the problem).

passion and career - in order to feel fulfilled in life, we all need a purpose. discover yours. incorporate your passion into your daily life.

looks - develop your signature and hone in on it. looks are very important to your perception (self and public). check out this guide to help with this part. however you wanna feel is how you should display yourself.

be a dream girl!

you’ve discovered all the facets of creating your dream self and reality. now it’s time to apply what you’ve learned. start showing up in life in the fashion you want to be seen in.

that’s it! the rest is up to you!

- xoxo, dreamgrlarchive 🎀

Emotional contamination

You are responsible of your own life. Not other's. No one is REQUIRED to take care of yours, so why do theirs?

Your emotions influence how you live through your day. Either you let them dominate, and pass from one emotion to another (and be.under constant tension&stress), or you let them go when it's time, learn your lessons, and continue on with your day.

If you're careful of how you compartmentalize your day, you'll have overall better days compared to before. Letting go of anger, sadness, jealousy is compartmentalizing.

Constant excercise of this skill makes you better at it, and you'll be able to curate better your own life. Don't despair if you can't let go of things right away. This comes with exercise and previous experience ("I did that, therefore I can do this"). Give yourself grace.

Other's emotions also influence you, your day, and your life. Other's actions are (for most people) projections of their values and their emotions. If they're looking at the world through an angry lens, they're also contaminating you, with their interactions with you. So on for other emotions, positive or negative.

Some people consciously raise up negative emotions in you as a way to get dominion over you. It's sometimes very discreet.

You may be excellent at controlling your own self, your mind, letting go and finding lessons in everything, but all these efforts are doubled, or tripled when you surround yourself with people that just can't do the same as you, because you both have to take care of yourself AND offset their projections onto you.

People: family, ex you keep around, friends, partner. No one is spared in the eye of the glowupper.

That's why I strongly recommend to just snip them off or keep them far away from your inner space.

If you don't have to offset the projections produced by people unable to handle their own, it means you have extra time, mental space and energy to dedicate into other essential endeavours.

Those that are aware of their emotions, know how to take care of them, and protect other's minds from their own when it's gone bad, are rare but you'll notice them right away.

So, maybe it may be painful at first, but it's better being alone than surrounded by miserable people. The perks come later and in unexpected ways. Looks like a bad deal at the moment, but one gotta learn how to think further than the next day.

Other's pains and anger isn't your issue to solve. You aren't their mom. They're not your responsibility.

I am in no way saying that the ideal is to be in plain bliss all the time. Feelings are intrinsically human, but what we can control is how we act about those, and what space they'll occupy in the psyche.

Some people focus on others pains as a way to avoid confronting their own issues, they think "hey, I'm a good person I help others" but the best helpers are those that help themselves first. If you're one of those, this post is specifically pointed for you.

💎

i have such mixed feelings about the idea of “moving in privacy”. i think there are seasons for it (certainly your late 20s/saturn return you will probably desire retreat for a while, or any time you feel uncertain). at the same time, moving in public with a thoughtful personal brand can be an incredible, powerful, and easy way to bring connection and opportunities to you. sometimes i think all this “disappear and move in privacy” talk is just a symptom of poor boundaries and rebranding the fear of being vulnerable… but if you can figure out boundaries and overcome the fear of actually being recognised for your gifts and strengths, well, the world is literally your oyster.

Go where you are respected, where you are appreciated, where you are wanted. You gain nothing by sticking it out and swallowing any mistreatment. But by walking away from those experiences you teach yourself that you are worthy of respect, of love, of quality relationships; and you also teach others that when they do not mirror the same level of respect, their access to you is revoked, end of story.

the secret to living a calm and confident life lies in being organised and prepared. when you are always scrambling, searching, stumbling, you create an energy of chaos. part of respecting yourself is adequately preparing yourself for what lies ahead, through organisation and practise.

again and again and again and again

hi there! i’ve always struggled with being lazy and unproductive. but recently, i decided i want to start being ambitious because i know it will be healthy. but i have no goals to be ambitious for. sure, there’s daily things like exercising more and things, but i don’t have long term goals. i don’t know who i want to be when i grow up or what i want to achieve in life. any tips?

The ambition quest: Mapping out your path to success

Explore your interests: Take the time to try out different activities and hobbies. Whether it's painting, coding, dancing, or even rock climbing, experimenting with various interests can help you discover what truly excites you.

Reflect on your values: Think about the things that truly matter to you. What do you value most in life? Is it creativity, helping others, personal growth, or something else entirely? Identifying your core values can guide you towards meaningful goals.

Dream big, start small: Don't be afraid to dream big and envision the future you desire. Then, break those big aspirations down into smaller, achievable goals. This way, you can make progress step by step while celebrating the small victories along the way.

Embrace trial and error: It's okay to try different paths and make mistakes along the way. Life is a journey of self-discovery, and sometimes we need to explore different avenues to find what truly resonates with us. Embrace the process and learn from every experience.

Seek inspiration: Surround yourself with positive role models and seek inspiration from their journeys. Read biographies, listen to podcasts, or follow influential people in fields that interest you. Their stories can spark ideas and motivate you to pursue your own ambitions.

Visualize your ideal future: Take some time to imagine your ideal life in the future. What does it look like? How do you spend your days? Visualizing your desired future can help you gain clarity and set goals that align with your vision.

Get out of your comfort zone: Growth happens outside of our comfort zones. Challenge yourself to step out of familiar territory and try new things. Pushing your boundaries can lead to incredible personal and professional growth.

Find a mentor or role model: Connect with someone who has achieved success in a field you're interested in. Their guidance and insights can provide valuable direction as you navigate your own path.

Be open to change: Remember that goals and aspirations can evolve over time. Stay open to new opportunities and be willing to adapt your plans as you grow and learn more about yourself.

Enjoy the journey: Embrace the process of self-discovery and goal-setting. Life is all about the ups and downs, the challenges and triumphs. Embrace each step along the way and find joy in the pursuit of your ambitions.

I hope this helps!! xx