How To Get (and Keep) Your Life Together 101

GUIDE TO THE MINDSET GLOW UP 🎀

♡ | positive mindset

easier said than done, but it has such a huge impact in our life. we as humans tend to always think negatively of everything, resulting us to give up. but what if it will work out? what we think constantly reflects in our reality and actions. why do we have to always blame ourselves for everything, why do we have to be anxious over little things, why do we have to always think of the worst when we can just flip the words, meaning, love and believe in ourselves.

- ways to have a positive mindset

the bus theory - when u see the bus that you missed u don’t actually run after it, right? you just wait for another one, knowing that it 100% will be here. think of your opportunities/relationships etc that you’ve "lost" as this bus.

the universe/god never says no; it either says yes , not yet or I have something better for you.

practice self-care, be gentle to yourself. you are waking up and always trying and it’s enough.

the moments you thought that are the "worst" are only moments now, and you’re still here. Be proud of yourself for that

a little rain doesnt have to ruin the parade

practice meditation. clean mind = better mood

journal journal journal (I’m going to make a post of journal benefits soon)

this absolutely doesn’t mean that you always have to be positive about everyone and everything. If you feel sad or feel like crying let it all out. if you feel drained allow yourself to sit all day and watch shows. it’s all about accepting yourself and not "I’m such a failure I did nothing today" instead "it’s okay, I have tomorrow where I can try again".

♡ | discipline > motivation

motivation comes and go, but discipline is forever. you are scared and not trying? It’s okay, do it while being scared. count to 3 and start doing something, take action. just DONT sit around. have a plan and don’t try to do everything all at once, or you will be easily drained . everyday do something better for 1% and you’ll see how just in a short while this 1% will be 100%.

a very good episode of mimi’s :

♡ | kindness to yourself is kindness to everyone

treat yourself with love and respect before others. everyone in this world is a human and I do not wish for you or them to spread hate. we all have bad days and this is exactly why we should so self-care or reach out to someone, but never blame anyone for anything.

you don’t owe anyone anything, but kindness and respect.

what you give is what you receive.

respect is not earned, disrespect is.

♡ | no one knows you better than you do

no you are not horrible for the mistakes that you’ve made. do you know what makes you horrible? not acknowledging them. if you wronged someone, apologize. even if it’s too late and the relationship is lost, I’m so proud of you for realizing your mistake and trying to do better. learn AND improve. accept yourself for all the pluses and minuses. you’re a crybaby? good because I’m too, and it’s absolutely okay. In fact, I think vulnerability is very powerful. you are human and you don’t have to be perfect. thrive for being better not perfection. do not listen to rumors or someone thinking that you are a bad person. you in fact know that you are not and it’s all that matters. why do you care if you are enemy in their story , they aren’t heroes in yours either.

insecurity is loud, confidence is quiet.

♡ | boundaries

to stay away from toxic people you have to have boundaries. I think the most common type here is "people pleasing" so here’s my post to help you to stop being one.

when someone does something that makes you uncomfortable, please let them know about it. you don’t have to tolerate this behavior. your own peace is the most important thing ever.

if they still repeat their actions then well … it’s time to say goodbye.

if you think that you will "lose" everything by setting boundaries please go back to the top and read the "ways to have a positive mindset" :)

watch youtubers, listen to podcasts etc to connect with people like you and improve your mindset alongside with boundaries.

here’s my list of my favs, but you can find waaaay more on tumblr

♡ | confidence

be confident, trust yourself, and never let anybody put you down. If anybody puts you down, it’s because they’re jealous. – Adriana Lima

do not compare yourself with ANYONE. the person you are looking at and saying "I wish I was her" might be doing the same. compare yourself with YOUR dream girl that you have in your head. your only competition is you.

after boundaries, positive mindset, discipline, naturally comes the confidence. loving yourself and staying true to yourself is what confidence exactly is.

no fake it till you make it, no difficult words, just you . take it easy.

♡ | tip: body language and fitness

this is more on the physical side but I advice you to learn a little bit about body language. It helps you to appear confident and attractive. my "go to’s" are entering the room with high head and good posture, never sitting on your phone (as in checking the weather app awkwardly etc not when someone calls or texts u) when coming to an unknown place.

fitness helps to relieve stress and clear out your mind when you don’t want to meditate. and by fitness I don’t mean intense workouts, a 5 minute workout that you enjoy is enough. also walking 10.000 steps a day also counts as fitness to have a healthy and balanced life.

I , for example, have a playlist with different workouts and I do each on of them on different days, whenever I feel like choosing one. sometimes I don’t even work out I just walk 7-10K steps :)

— the end ♡

in conclusion I just want to say ITS OKAY ITS OKAY ITS OKAY. You are fine. You are enough. Make mistakes, be sad, improve, be disappointed, try, love, learn, thrive. The purpose of this post is for you to understand that DONT exist , LIVE. Because life is worth living for. You were, are, will be okay.

Emotional contamination

You are responsible of your own life. Not other's. No one is REQUIRED to take care of yours, so why do theirs?

Your emotions influence how you live through your day. Either you let them dominate, and pass from one emotion to another (and be.under constant tension&stress), or you let them go when it's time, learn your lessons, and continue on with your day.

If you're careful of how you compartmentalize your day, you'll have overall better days compared to before. Letting go of anger, sadness, jealousy is compartmentalizing.

Constant excercise of this skill makes you better at it, and you'll be able to curate better your own life. Don't despair if you can't let go of things right away. This comes with exercise and previous experience ("I did that, therefore I can do this"). Give yourself grace.

Other's emotions also influence you, your day, and your life. Other's actions are (for most people) projections of their values and their emotions. If they're looking at the world through an angry lens, they're also contaminating you, with their interactions with you. So on for other emotions, positive or negative.

Some people consciously raise up negative emotions in you as a way to get dominion over you. It's sometimes very discreet.

You may be excellent at controlling your own self, your mind, letting go and finding lessons in everything, but all these efforts are doubled, or tripled when you surround yourself with people that just can't do the same as you, because you both have to take care of yourself AND offset their projections onto you.

People: family, ex you keep around, friends, partner. No one is spared in the eye of the glowupper.

That's why I strongly recommend to just snip them off or keep them far away from your inner space.

If you don't have to offset the projections produced by people unable to handle their own, it means you have extra time, mental space and energy to dedicate into other essential endeavours.

Those that are aware of their emotions, know how to take care of them, and protect other's minds from their own when it's gone bad, are rare but you'll notice them right away.

So, maybe it may be painful at first, but it's better being alone than surrounded by miserable people. The perks come later and in unexpected ways. Looks like a bad deal at the moment, but one gotta learn how to think further than the next day.

Other's pains and anger isn't your issue to solve. You aren't their mom. They're not your responsibility.

I am in no way saying that the ideal is to be in plain bliss all the time. Feelings are intrinsically human, but what we can control is how we act about those, and what space they'll occupy in the psyche.

Some people focus on others pains as a way to avoid confronting their own issues, they think "hey, I'm a good person I help others" but the best helpers are those that help themselves first. If you're one of those, this post is specifically pointed for you.

💎

had to scour through my watch history to find these videos I watched ages ago but if I had to recommend the most helpful and actually practical fashion advice I've heard, it's from these videos, ESPECIALLY the second video (linked bc I seriously want you to watch it. like literally, go watch it). It's not telling you what aesthetic to pick, it's not telling you to get rid of your sambas, it's not telling you to get a capsule wardrobe or only stick to classics. highly recommend ♡

This is a masterlist to help you , elevate your mindset. It only works if you actually implement it , just watching videos and daydreaming, will not.

I'm always open to suggestions to add any videos to this , just send me an ask or a comment

how to master your emotional intelligence

"friends" to watch out for

you are a queen , u were born one

bye bye lazy girl era

the song jia effect

overcome your phone addiction

acceptance and change

learning to value

not taking risks , is the biggest risk

the perfect student

your enemies are secretly addicted to you

creating a successful mindset

mindset is everything

being your own dream girl

stop being lazy and pathetic

FORMAL COMMUNICATION 102 : HOW TO NOT SOUND LIKE A STREET RAT

Your pitch should be one notch lower than your natural pitch. That forces people to have to stop and listen to hear you. It forces attention and you come off as a very self assured person that doesn't need to shout.

Dont use abbreviations or short forms while speaking. Don't = do not, etc= etcetera. When you properly articulate the the full [form? Idk] you seem confident

Speak from your diaphragm, not throat, and breathe through your nose not mouth.

Practise practise makes perfect.

Read read read. Our vocabularies are influenced by literature and art. Watch old Hollywood movies, read the classics, drop the rap and street 'lingo'. When you come across a new word recite it.

Apps. I use Vocabulary for new words , I've heard great things about speeko too.there are great apps for this

Cut out, COMPLETELY, (at least from your verbalized words) cuss words. Nothing says no class like dropping the f bomb every minute. Now, I need you to have a flexible cadence enough that you can talk to both cardi b and the queen of England in their comfort zones,don't go priest mode but pick your audiences carefully. [There is a tasteful way to cuss, there is, I however can not accurately articulate it but it exists. I think UK based movies have the best depiction of it. Somehow sounds classy. It's hard to tell how c*unt can sound classier than b*itch but it happens]

I'm not sure what they're called but the [tbh, lol, lmao, irl, fml] , yes, that. It stays within your group chat.we don't use these short forms? Verbally. Texting to our age group and that's it

Stick to formal titles as appropriate, sir, Ma'am, miss, etc.

Do not call people by their nick names. Unless they hate it. Bonus points for their surname. A Persons full name will always be classier than their nick name. Hello Amanda >> hey Amy

Teeth teeth teeth speak from your teeth missus. Sounds pronounced from your teeth somehow sound elevated since you're not swallowing your words.

Pace your words. If you're nervous or shy you tend to speak too fast and swallow words which signals very low value behavior because do you not think you are good enough. Word by word. As an ADHD the advice I got (that worked) was to slow my thoughts down. When your brain is 5 words ahead of your voice box you tend to run and try catch up, never helps

. Breathing exercises, love

Custom terms of endearment. Everyone is saying babe and sweetie and hun to their besties, elevate yours and make it your signature. 'Love' will always sound classy. Depending on your relationship it could be anything silly and fun yet value sounding. Pumpkin>> Bae

Pick a cadence and stick to it. [With the select audience. If you speak to Cardi B like a journalist from 1800 Britain you've lost, if you speak to the queen like an officer of the thot patrol you've lost. Customize but stick to it. No one loves a phony]

When you don't understand a word, ask what it means. If someone uses a word you are not familiar with ask about it, it's better than misinterpreting and sounding stupid.

You know that Kardashian intonation thingy that everyone sounds like now? Sentences that sound like questions? a sentence ends with a falling intonation, that is that. Asking questions is a lower position, it signals the other knows so they're superior. Even when asking questions for God's sake don't sound like Kourtney Kardashian. Make your intonation flat, short and precise.

Posture posture posture. Yes it matters

Filler words , yeah. We no longer use that. "It was like, uhm, you know, just like-" shut up and collect your thoughts. Non native speakers we do this a lot in our learned language, filling in the blank spaces while mentally looking for the elusive word. It's better to say outright you do not remember the word for it or fill in with your native word and explain after. For those of us that speak more than three languages though good luck (I literally just say, wow this word isn't available in my English word Bank. Let's get to it later)

If you can't properly pronounce it, begin with that announcement. "I'm wearing, and I apologize to all of France for how I pronounce it, Yves Saint Laurent"

Ask questions after receiving answers. Short questions. "I see" "Oh really" "is that so" " who would have thought " " thats really it then" "you mean that" . The other person feels more at ease and there's a little Psych mojo bojo that makes you sound classy and wildly attractive [for keeping the conversation going)

70% of communication is non verbal. We will talk about that later. The girls that get it get it the girls that don't find out

Funny enough the simpler the vocabulary the classier it is. Do slip in some big words but no one cares for a dictionary level conversation you sound phony and egocentric. The magic is in your phonemic command.

Never. Argue with a native.

The company you keep. Birds of the same feather flock together if you're in the street gang gang club you will inevitably sound like the street gang gang club.

Accents. You don't have to get rid of yours, Accents have a uniqueness to them that sets you apart, but you do have to be comprehendable. If your accent is so thick only your native group can understand you it's time to think speech therapy.

In honor of this anon ->

//Hello

How do I upgrade my vocabulary to become more classy , elegant and over all respectful//

Go be that bitch sweets

people will really be bothered from you for being soft, and living life at ease. i’m sorry, i don’t run on chaos, cortisol, and victim mentality. i show up for myself. i put in the work. i’m kind because it keeps my spirit light, not for applause. you should try it, and you’ll feel less triggered from others living with calmness and appreciation.

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Femme Fatale Guide: How To Learn To Love Yourself & Heal From Toxic People

Allow yourself to feel all your emotions and thoughts, authentically and without self-criticism or judgment: Acknowledge that you're grieving. Accept that you need to mourn your loss. Even if it is better to move on in life without these people, it is healthy and completely valid to grieve the relationships you had with these people – regardless of whether they were one-sided, deluded, or otherwise toxic. Allow yourself to cry, be angry, lie in bed, etc. Hit a pillow, sleep in all day on a weekend, or wear a set of pajamas for a WFH day. Give yourself permission to engage in self-soothing behaviors without any type of self-harm or self-sabotage.

Rest, relax, and pamper yourself in your leisure time: Spend time taking it easy – reading, watching TV, doing a face mask or another indulgent skin treatment, using a body massager, cooking dinner in a silk robe and slippers, lighting a candle, cozying up in a blanket, etc. Allow yourself to feel at peace. Create a sanctuary in your space.

Take time for introspection and self-discovery: Being in any type of relationship with toxic people is draining and can cause you to feel as though you've lost a part of yourself by trying to make the relationship succeed. Now, it's time to reclaim yourself after you've courageously cut out these toxic people from your life. Consider and honor your deepest desires, values, interests, hobbies, lifestyle, goals, aesthetic, food, sexual, entertainment preferences, etc. Go on a self-discovery journey to figure out who you really are, what you believe, and who you will work to become as you enter this new, exciting chapter of your life.

Journal, read, eat healthily, work out, drink plenty of water, and sleep: Go back to the basic healthy habits. Try to journal for at least 5-10 minutes a day (using a 5-minute journal, morning pages [writing 3 pages of stream-of-conscious thoughts first thing in the morning], journal or shadow work prompts), make 2-3 whole food, plant-based meals with carbs, veggies, fruits, proteins, and healthy fats, find some ways to incorporate movement into your day – 30-minute walk or yoga session is enough if that's all you can manage consistently, have your body weight in ounces of water daily, and sleep for around 7-8 hours a night. Do some inner child healing by taking care of your core needs.

Indulge in all of your favorites: There's a lot of fun you can have when you have total freedom regarding your daily activities and choices. Give yourself permission to enjoy this solitude. Wear your favorite outfits every day (occasion-appropriate options, of course), including pajamas, loungewear, lingerie, and accessories. Make your favorite meals and snacks throughout the week (incorporating some healthy options in there to feel your best – I love a good oatmeal bowl, frozen grapes, baked Japanese sweet potato, or a hummus and vegetable plate). Watch your favorite TV shows or movies. Indulge in a glass of wine you love or reread a favorite book. Create a masterful playlist. Plan a day of your favorite activities (a long walk, getting a coffee, indulging in a spa day, going to a farmer's market, going to a yoga class, etc.) Treat yourself like your own best friend.

Get comfortable doing things alone: Honestly, no one cares or is paying attention to if you're doing activities alone or with someone else. If someone shows too much interest in your solitude, they're probably projecting their own insecurities regarding their perceived social ridicule. Take yourself shopping, to the nail salon, out for a meal, to the movies, etc. alone. Personally, I love doing most of these things alone anyways. Running errands alone gives you some space to clear your mind and think freely.

Define what an ideal social life and/or relationship looks like for you: Once you've become comfortable with yourself and living life on your own terms, it's time to embrace your desire for human connection and socialization. Consider the types of people you want in your life – their values, personalities, interests, goals, favorite activities, relational boundaries, etc., and where/when/how often you want to interact with them.

Create an action plan: Reconnect with the people in your life who continue to show up for you and have been a light through these toxic relationships and their lasting effects over the months or years. Decide on the places, groups, and ways you'll reach out/try to meet these people. Figure out how to expand your network, and make new connections. Don't be afraid to put yourself out there. You won't vibe with everyone you meet, but it is worthwhile to engage in small talk with several strangers if even one of these new faces, later on, becomes a good friend or acquaintance. A varied social circle is a great way to enrich your life.

Take small steps, then strides: Be gentle on yourself throughout this entire process. It is perfectly okay to take one day at a time during the grieving process. Everyone's healing journey will look different and evolve at a different pace. Don't let these toxic people remain in your heart, mind, and spirit. Remember that you deserve love, kindness, happiness, success, peace, and patience.