How To Get (and Keep) Your Life Together 101

healthy lifestyle habits + changes i’ve made in 2023 (part 1)

1. feeling my breasts (the muscle) for any abnormal lumps at least once a week— this is especially important a week after the first day of my period. i’ve learned this from my obgyn. it’s normal to feel some lumps because it’s a muscle but what’s abnormal would only be known IF you take the time to know your anatomy.

2. ditched soda completely and started drinking flavored seltzer water— what i’ve found to be good is putting a crystal light or water flavoring packet in there for a healthier alternative to soda. i like soda with greasy food because i feel like it helps “cut” the grease so this is good if you are the same way when you eat things like pizza, burgers, etc.

3. i stopped drinking alcohol— wine, spirits, champagne, all of it. if i go out, i order a seltzer with a lime or a mocktail of some sort.

4. i started being on social media less and it has made my sleep schedule better— i started using the queue feature on tumblr and i took less interest in instagram and tiktok. i love these apps but i stopped finding other people more interesting than i am

5. i stopped eating so much—i would mindlessly eat all day but now i have a set eating schedule which helps me focus on other things besides eating. i eat breakfast around 6am, lunch around 1:30pm, and dinner at 5pm. my meals go from big (breakfast) to small (dinner). i’ve noticed that these are the only times i actually get hungry so i’ve been listening to my body and being intuitive in such that i have a routine down.

6. just recently, i have started going to bed and waking up at the same time each day, even on weekends— this has helped me by having increased energy and just a better quality of sleep. i have to wake up at 4:45am on some days because of work so i use that time to wake up everyday and go to bed around 9:30pm.

7. confession: i used to be horrible at flossing, but now i have been flossing every night before i brush my teeth— i floss before so i can loosen up the food that’s lodged between my teeth so that when it’s time to actually brush my teeth, the bristles can get in there better to clean.

8. this is typical and base level, but i’ve been drinking water like crazy— i highly recommend a large, cooling water bottle that you can carry around with you throughout the day. it’s so important to stay hydrated. i aim for a minimum of 64oz, but sometimes reach up to 80oz if it’s hot, if i’m active, etc. i listen to my body but i don’t drink less than 64oz of water each day

9. i’ve been getting my body moving daily— it’s a privilege to move your body so i make the effort each day to be active. the days i work at the hospital, i’m on my feet my entire shift pretty much with the exception of my lunch break. when i’m charting, i try to stand instead of sit but i do allow myself to sit when i’m tired. so my hospital shifts allow me to be active and walk my 10,000+ steps each day but when i’m not at the hospital, i go to the gym and do an hour workout session there.

10. i started drinking my coffee black— it’s so gross, but i need the caffeine for work but i don’t want to have the unnecessary sugars that i like to have in my coffee. i’m starting to get used to it (kinda) and i don’t have those crashes like i used to when i did put cream and sugar in my coffee. occasionally i’ll have a sugary and creamy coffee, but it’s not a daily occurrence like it was before.

Hello dears,

I'm starting this new account to document my journey further into becoming my best self. I've been dabbling in this side of tumblr for years now, and I feel like it's time that I dedicate a space for my endevours.

I will be documenting my experiences, sharing my thoughts and reblogging posts from the gorgeous people of this community.

With love,

Marchesa

What to plan at the beginning of each month

- Mani / Pedi

- Hair trim every two months

- A facial

- Date night by yourself or with your s/o

- A day spent completely by yourself

- Deep clean room

- Write down important events for the month in a calendar

- Spa day

- One breakfast / lunch / dinner with friends

- Pick a day to learn something new

- A day / weekend spent outdoors (hiking, camping, kayaking, grounding)

- Deep condition hair with mask

- Give yourself a new routine

- Throw away things (or people) that no longer serve you

- Plan your month goals in a journal

had to scour through my watch history to find these videos I watched ages ago but if I had to recommend the most helpful and actually practical fashion advice I've heard, it's from these videos, ESPECIALLY the second video (linked bc I seriously want you to watch it. like literally, go watch it). It's not telling you what aesthetic to pick, it's not telling you to get rid of your sambas, it's not telling you to get a capsule wardrobe or only stick to classics. highly recommend ♡

horse back riding lessons, piano lessons, french/spanish/japanese lessons, regular work out routine, every day runs, screen time below three or four hours, longer reading lists, longer pre and post shower rituals, a morning routine, a night routine to breathe and wind down...

... a closet full of good quality staples, putting effort into my appearance (skin, hair, diet) every day, reaching out to my family atleast once a day, taking time to express my gratitude. putting time aside to write to myself and talk to myself. remaining calm, taking longer breaths, staying patient... reminding myself that i deserve it. i deserve the love, understanding, success, and extraordinary life-changing events that are coming for me.

my intentional morning routine:

-I wake up around 6 AM, instead of immediately getting on my phone like I used to. I lay in bed for a couple of minutes, allowing my body to realize the transition it is making.

-After that, I immediately drink a full bottle of water. This is pretty easy for me because when I wake up, I’m usually dehydrated even if I don’t realize it yet my body does. I’m able to do this quickly and easily by grabbing a water bottle the night before. By the time I wake up it’s usually warm, warm/hot liquids are actually very beneficial to your digestive system. This helps my digestive system get a head start on the day.

-I move onto making my bed. A step I never used to incorporate because I always felt it was unnecessary but once my bed is made I rarely want to ruin the work I’ve created which urges me to not get back in it.

-Tea. I always drink some type of tea in the morning, my go-tos being ginger or green. This is another thing that I do for my digestive system as well as overall calmness. Instead of doing another task while having my tea, I like to enjoy it and simply take gratitude in the drink.

-I then go into breath work, I do a Nadi Shodhana technique of alternate nostril breathing, as someone with severe anxiety breathing has become a big part of my journey in managing it. Even if I’m not feeling anxious I love to get a head start on it (something I learned from my therapist). I tend to do this practice for a few minutes and find my body in a completely calm state afterward.

The Technique:

*Sit in a comfortable position for me this is usually with my legs crossed.

*Place your ring finger on your left nostril and your thumb on the right.

*Cover your right nostril and breathe in through your left, cover your left nostril and exhale through your right nostril and repeat.

*When you are finally done with this practice exhale fully out of your left nostril.

-The next thing I like to do is engage in prayer and gratitude. I have created a specific prayer that I repeat every morning, although it changes when needed. I simply express gratitude by writing out everything that I am thankful for in that moment in my journal.

-I then move onto hygiene and breakfast which I’ll usually have a smoothie or oatmeal if I’m not fasting.

And that’s my intentional morning routine!

On Being Socially Accepted / Well Liked

Human beings are sociable animals. No matter the degree of sociability, there’s a part of us that wants to be loved, nurtured and accepted by those around us.

I didn’t want to make a guide of how one should be likeable, because if you think a little - from all the people you like, do you like them for the same reason? Not necessarily. You may like one friend for their humour; another for being a solid person thick and thin; a third for their extroverted personality… we’re all different and should be!

Now, you may have certain qualities that you want in all your relationships, regardless of the person. For instance, I’m very adamant about transparency and loyalty. Loyalty to me doesn’t mean standing up for me even if I’m wrong - it means caring for me enough to tell me I’m wrong. However, these qualities wouldn’t make you likeable per se - they would make you accepted within a social circle.

So how does one become likeable?

1. Ease up on the doormat culture

You’ll notice that most of the people you like are capable of having an independent opinion and thought. People pleasers may come across as inauthentic and dicey, especially the ones who change their opinion to agree with the majority. So start cutting out the people pleasing behaviour.

2. Have hobbies

You’ll generally gravitate more towards someone who seems to have their life together as opposed to someone who doesn’t. I’m always keen to talk to someone who does something a little different in their free time. I remember talking to a physicist who also wrote poetry - I was very intrigued by his work, and I invited him to my NYE party along with his girlfriend.

Now, there’s nothing wrong with not having your life together as long as you’re at least trying to make it better. Hobbies don’t have to be expensive. It’s also a better way to expand your circle- not all your friends will enjoy pottery or tennis, for instance.

3. On emotional/ trauma dumping

The worst people to guide you in life, my father always told me, are your friends. Blind leading the blind.

Your friends may have a good heart but not necessarily good advice. Keep the trauma dumping to a minimal unless your friend is okay with you sharing more. Bear in mind that even as a listener, when you hear someone’s traumatic experiences, you may feel emotionally overwhelmed.

Never share your private experiences, current situations, drama, problems, gossip with acquaintances or friends who you’re not particularly close to. Trust me, it can be tempting to engage in catty behaviour but there’s a good chance it’ll bite you in the ass.

4. Figure out your strengths

I know what I bring to the table when it comes to friendship - gentle honesty, alternative solutions and perspectives to issues and I’m always a planner.

One of my friends is a blunt critic and I always speak to her when I know I need a reality check about life.

Another friend is very non judgemental, she’s the one I open up to about the weird things I think of.

A third friend is my party friend, who is 100% the life of the party and I love his energy.

We can’t share the same relationship with everyone. Understand your strengths and hone them.

5. Likeable people don’t care about being likeable

Become detached from this idea of “I want to be liked.” Rather than that, I feel the statement “I want relationships who accept me for who I am” make more sense. As you grow older, you’ll realise that this teenager definition of popularity is nothing but inauthentic bullshit. You deserve friends who care for you and cheer you on.

The idea of “I want to be liked/ popular” also low-key reeks of desperate behaviour. It shows that you don’t really care about your thoughts or opinions as long as you’re accepted and you’re ready to modify your opinions to fit in. That’s the worst way to making friends because you literally can’t be yourself.

6. Yes, looks do matter

Looks do matter to a degree. I don’t mean that in a sense of physical features - I mean it from a sense of grooming.

I’ve noticed that people will be taken more seriously if you look a certain way. That doesn’t mean you have to buy stuff until your money runs out - it just means being at a healthy weight, dressing well, practicing personal hygiene.

7. Observational skills

Whenever I’m at an event and I notice someone feeling left out, I go and talk to them.

I remember being in the shoes long ago and feeling uncomfortable going to places. So when I see someone in the same position, I try to be the person I wanted at that point of time.

It’s important to have keen observation skills but what’s even more important is dealing with it subtly. I remember a girl at a party wearing a dress with the price tag still attached to the neckline at the back. I casually went over, put a hand on her back, discreetly whispered that her tag was out, should I put it back in? She said yes, and I put the the tag inside her dress without people around us noticing me. Discretion is a must in life. Don’t shout your good deeds- do them, don’t get flattered by compliments when people tell you that you were nice, and just play it off like it’s not a big deal.

8. Being impolite

I read a study that polite people are harder to connect with. Overly polite people can be seen as boring and that you need more energy to talk to them because the conversation only revolves around a few “polite” topics (studies, career, life in general, how nice the establishment is, the weather, common friends… surface conversation). I’m not saying don’t be considerate - I’m saying don’t be overly polite. Don’t be over accommodating to other people. You can disagree with things respectfully. You can share a different perspective or crack a joke.

9. What are you like?

Are you better one on one or in groups?

I’m a much better person one on one. I resonate with people better when we have a conversation - when it’s a group, it’s just the usual hi-hellos.

You may prefer groups, if one on one conversations seem too vulnerable.

How do you figure this trait out? Ask yourself a simple question : if you had a meet a new person, would you rather meet them alone at a cafe or at a party with your friends?

Figuring this out is important because it gives you a sense of the relationships you value and how you can take them forward.

10. A balanced ratio of talking and listening

Try to listen more than you can talk. This advice is useless if you’re talking to an introvert. With most introverts I’ve noticed that they WILL talk to you - as long as they don’t have to make the first move. Once you set the ball rolling, they’re happy to talk.

So you have to understand how and when to switch being an active listener and speaker.

A simple generalised guide:

When dealing with extroverts: ask basic/ generic/ yes or no questions, give opposing opinions (most extroverts are generally up for a challenge) and listen more in the beginning, switch to talking more later.

When dealing with introverts: again, ask questions but you can make them more subjective than objective, less generic and definitely no yes/no questions. Talk more in the beginning and then listen more later, to make them comfortable.

Joyful hobbies for the fabulous-minded

1. Learning languages

Learning languages is not only for communication but also for broadening your mind. Figuring out different modes of thinking, learning about other cultures, being able to pronounce words from different geographies is never not fun!

2. Gardening - inhouse plants

Not all of us is blessed with yards, but we can all appreciate taking care of beautiful greens. It teaches patience and train you to notice small details. Nothing makes a room pleasant as a beautiful plant. I have more than 30 plants in my house - the secret is to start with simplest species and up your way to more complicated ones.

3. Writing

Journaling has always been popular but I doubt it is everyone's cup of tea (including yours truly). However, writing small articles and collections for your own eyes helps clearing your mind. And why not try dabbling in fiction, if so inclined?

4. Dancing

A hard one for me! But for everyone who has a little rhythm inside, learning to dance with a partner is a fun challenge. I believe everyone should be able to waltz, even in the simplest way.

5. Sewing (or studying the basics of dressmaking)

Sewing is not only a hobby but also a life saver. Altering clothing to fit properly or designing items for you feels magical.

Understanding how garments are built is crucial for dressing yourself. Understanding cuts and materials also help you assess the worth of an item, so you can decide if a piece is worth splurging on. You could also choose to recreate an item for yourself if you are not able to purchase it for any reason.

6. Learning to cook (impressive recipes)

We all feed ourself in some way, but I strongly believe that everyone should have at least a few recipes with a wow factor in their arsenal.

7. Reading fiction

I see that reading self help books are quite popular, and I do understand the allure. However reading fiction (classics and also contemporary works) is at least as useful as non-fiction, it teaches as much. Fiction is a way to understand ourself and understand humanity, and it should be appreciated for personal growth.

Hope this short list makes you inspired to discover more joyful hobbies!

With love,

Marchesa

Don't fall for the lie of "doing everything in moderation", following that line of thought will never lead you to achieve anything exceptional. Some things you simply do not do, because you prioritize your end goal and vision above quick pleasures that are counterproductive to your growth as person and we'll being. Don't let anyone shame for being "extreme" in areas you refuse to compromise on, extreme people produce extreme results.

things i’m no longer doing for the rest of 2023

using inappropriate language this goes beyond just cursing; it also includes making dark jokes, making “seggsual” innuendos, self-deprecating humor, and verbal negativity (gossip and saying negative things about self, others, or future plans).

allowing men to take up my time without them giving any type of investment in me my time is valuable, and it’s hard to gain complete access to me, let alone a little bit of access to me. phone calls will be cut short, texts won’t be too lengthy, and if they want to see me, they need to schedule and confirm a date with me.

accepting the bare minimum from not only others, but myself also everything i do from this moment forward needs to be 110% my best. i show up, i work my best, and i leave knowing that i did everything i could in that given time. i’m not leaving any room for regrets this year.

drinking alcohol because of my job in the nightlife industry, i find myself to drink a lot more than i should to help me get through the night. i usually feel gross the next day, it adds to any mental hardships i face, and it’s just not good for my body overall. the only times i will drink this year is if it’s my birthday, new year’s eve, or any other special occasion like a holiday or a special person’s birthday— if so, i’m limiting myself to one glass of high quality wine or champagne. tequila and any other spirit is an absolute “no” for me.

not keeping promises to myself if i say that i’m going to do something, i’m going to do it. i need to build trust with myself and that will allow me to also have more positive thoughts about myself and trust that whatever it is i want in life, i’ll have it because i’m used to keeping promises to myself.