Lucaland - Huh

aquarium

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i love when characters lie to themselves in the complete privacy of their own minds

Abusive parents keep making you feel like you’ll miss out on something if you leave, like they’re just waiting to become this loving, supportive person the second you turn away from them, it’s maddening how far they’re willing to go to, just to make sure you can’t leave. When a parent changes their face constantly, being loving and nice in one second, and then cruel and terrifying in another, the only “reward” you can get from enduring all the pain and fear is by actually being around for those 5 minutes they might be nice to you! And if you’re not, it feels like you endured all this for nothing, almost like you’re missing out. It hurts.

You’re not supposed to only feel safe around people when they’re in a good mood and when they don’t have specific motives for hurting and manipulating you, you’re not supposed to be enduring horrific tantrums and emotional abuse just to see if in next half hour they’ll decide to turn nice again, it is not humane or normal to act in this way. Good people are good all the time, bad people make you feel confused about who they are so they could keep getting away with all the bad. 

god is american by Terrance Hayes

every couple of months i put my life together and take it apart and put it back together because. well. what else

victims of abuse will be like, this person has now made me cry myself to sleep about 30 times, i have flashbacks of things they’ve done and said to me, they know how to hit me right in my worst insecurity and guilt so i feel horrible for days and months, their comments make me feel worthless and like i shouldn’t even be alive, and being around them makes me feel small and meaningless and sometimes suicidal but maybe that’s just me, maybe they’re not abusive? i have to give them benefit of the doubt, what if i’m not justified to kick them out of my life?

Hilary Mantel, from Wolf Hall (Thomas Cromwell, #1)

Ottessa Moshfegh, Eileen