I Ship You With Robert Lewis From A Life Less Ordinary Because He's A Passionate Writer And A Little

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Bought my first Ewan McGregor movie at the thrift store!!!

I randomly decided to look through the DVDs today and I saw this gem! Here's to the beginning of my Ewan McGregor movie collection🍻 @palfriendpatine66

Jonathan McQuarry Fic

Synopsis: Jonathan McQuarry comforts you during an anxiety attack

Gender Neutral Reader

Author's Note: this is my first ever fanfic! Jonathan McQuarry is dear to my heart so I felt he should be the first I write about. I couldn't think of an actual title so just went with something simple. I hope you enjoy!

The feeling hits you like cold water to the face. You feel your breath shorten and your muscles tense as if on auto pilot. You know this feeling all too well: an anxiety attack. You know the cause of the trigger. Having grown up in a big city you're no stranger to the hustle and bustle of New York City. The yelling and honking and screeching of subway brakes don't faze you. However, when you walked outside to throw away the trash at the exact moment an old beat up car backfired three times, you were thrust back to your home town. Yes, you grew up in a noisy city but the noise was from guns echoing down the street day and night. You were so used to the sound of gunfire that it was almost hard to sleep without it in the background once you moved. You thought you had gotten over it until this moment. You suddenly felt unsafe. No, not just unsafe, helpless. You scrambled back inside and for a moment thought you had calmed down until that familiar feeling rose in your chest. Now you sit in the bedroom closet curled up like a child hiding from the Boogeyman. Now matter how much you tell yourself that you're okay, your body refuses to respond. With tears in your eyes you hold yourself and bite your thumb. You don't know how long you were sitting there when you hear the front door open and close. Then the sound of a familiar voice reaches your ears.

“Darling, I'm home!”

It's your boyfriend Jonathan back from his accounting job. You weren't expecting him back for awhile since he usually works late. Ever since you moved in together last month he’s been cutting back on late nights to spend more time with you. You tried to protest as you didn't want to get between him and his job but he insisted that you were more important. Now, you're grateful that he's home early.

“Y/N, are you here?” He calls out.

You want to call out to him. To run into his arms and be comforted by the smell of his cologne but you're frozen in place. You hear him walk into the bedroom.

“Y/N?” He asks.

“H-here” you manage to squeak out.

You hear him softly walk towards the closet door and squint as light hits your eyes from the open door. As he crouches down to your eye level you rush to explain yourself.

“I thought I heard a gun and I didn't know what to do and I'm sorry I was so scared and-” Jonathan cuts you off with a big hug.

“Y/N, it's okay. You don't have to apologize. I know you're still sensitive to these things because of your past. It's okay. I'm here. You're safe.”

You lean into his warm touch as you rest your head on his shoulder and he gently rubs your back. You feel his lips tenderly place a kiss on your forehead. Under different circumstances, you’d think two adults huddling together in a closet wouldn't be the best way to relax. But wrapped in the arms of your gentle Jonathan, you couldn't imagine a better place to be than here with him.

I finally did it...I want to die.

I'm sorry. Y'all didn't follow for all this sad stuff. I don't have people offline to share my vulnerable self with so easily. I've tried and tried to push through and figure things out by myself. I just feel like an absolute wreck of a person. I'm not even a person. I have something I must do that I've been putting off, and of course, it must be done alone. I'm very scared and angry and crying as I type this. I can only hope against hope against hope against HOPE that I will finally receive peace when it is done. That I can move on and be normal and happy and a real person again. The kind of person you'll like. I've let my family down. I've let myself down. And I feel like I've let you down. Things will be different. They'll be better. I have to believe it.

Infinite Sadness

I had a vision.

Technically a companion piece to this.

Wow, yes, I agree. I see this commonality in you and Oliver as well. 🫂💜

Thank you for playing, my dear friend!

Oliver Fields (Beginners) + 6. What's something you have in common with this character?

Oof, that's tough. I think part of why he feels sad is because he's waiting for something more—something that will suddenly make everything better. I can relate to that: to waiting for the "lion."

Hal: ...let's say since you were little, and... and you... you always dreamed of... of someday getting a lion, and you wait and you wait and you wait and you wait, and the lion doesn't come. Then along comes a giraffe. You can be alone, or you can be with the giraffe.

Oliver: I'd wait for the lion.

Hal: That's why I worry about you.

The Ewan McGregor Screentime Percentage (EMSP) List

I thought it'd be helpful to make a list for the movies that I've reviewed so far. I will update it as new reviews are posted. Unfortunately, I'm not yet able to add links to direct you to the full review. The letters EMSP stand for " Ewan McGregor Screentime Percentage" which is how long he spends on screen in a given movie. It is ordered from his highest screentime percentage to lowest. I hope this helps those looking for a new Ewan movie to watch!

1 Rogue Trader (1999): 69% (65 / 1 hr. 34 min.)

2. Nora (2000): 56% (60 / 1 hr. 47 min.)

3. Trainspotting (1996): 55% (52 / 1 hr. 34 min.)

4. Nightwatch (1997): 51% (52 / 1 hr. 42 min.)

5. A Life Less Ordinary (1997): 51% (53 / 1 hr. 44 min.)

6. Eye of the Beholder (1999): 47% (48 / 1 hr. 42 min.)

7. Shallow Grave (1994): 44% (41 / 1 hr. 33 min.)

8. The Serpent's Kiss (1997): 42% (44 / 1 hr. 46 min.)

9. Moulin Rouge! (2001): 40% (51 / 2 hrs. 8 min.)

10. Brassed Off (1996): 24% (26 / 1 hr. 47 min.)

11. Star Wars: Episode II - Attack of the Clones (2002): 23% (33 / 2 hrs. 22 min)

12. Blue Juice (1995): 22% (22 / 1 hr. 39 min)

13. The Pillow Book (1996): 22% (28 / 2 hrs. 7 min.)

14. Nothing but the Truth (1995): 21% (21 / 1 hr. 41 min.)

15. Velvet Goldmine (1998): 17% (20 / 1 hr. 58 min.)

16. Star Wars: Episode I - The Phantom Menace (1999): 17% (23 / 2 hrs. 16 min.)

17. Little Voice (1998): 14% (14 / 1 hr. 37 min)

18. Doggin' Around (1995): 11% (10 / 1 hr. 29 min.)

19. Emma (1996): 11% (13 / 2 hrs. 1 min.)

20. Being Human (1994): 2% (2 / 2 hrs. 2 min.)

11. Ewan McGregor Movie Review: The Serpent's Kiss (1997)

Fun Fact! If you're a fan of the "Long Way" motorcycle series with Ewan and his best friend Charlie Boorman, then you'll be pleased to know that their friendship began on this movie! Charlie has a minor role in the film as a secretary. He and Ewan met while filming and bonded over their love of motorcycles. The rest is history!

Genre: Drama/Romance

Rating: R

Director: Philippe Rousselot

Starring: Pete Postlethwaite, Greta Scacchi, Carmen Chaplin, Ewan McGregor

Synopsis: "The Serpent's Kiss" is about the Smithers family. Mr. Smithers wants to give his wife the gift of a garden so he hires a top-notch landscaper that his in-law recommends to him. Mrs. Smithers isn't very interested in the garden but prefers games and tricks. Specifically those she can play on people. Their daughter, Ann/Thea, is a peculiar girl. She reads far too much and gets along better with nature than people. While her mother indulges her, her father worries for her health and hires a physician to "cure" her or her abnormalities. Once the young landscaper arrives, it becomes evident that he is not just there to build a garden, but to use his expertise to exact revenge for his secret employer.

Ewan Review: Ewan plays the character Meneer Chrome who is a famed Dutch landscaper. He takes a job in England with the goal of transforming the overgrown lawn of the Smithers family into a one-of-a-kind, modern, garden. As he works on the project, he becomes interested in his boss's eccentric daughter while her mother becomes interested in him. Ewan speaks in a Dutch and English accent for this role but mainly Dutch. I'm not familiar with Dutch accents but I'm going to be bold and say that his was terrible. It annoyed the crap out of me! I couldn't take it seriously, it was forced, and completely took me out of the movie every time he opened his mouth. I would've enjoyed this movie a lot more if he didn't have to use that god awful accent. He has a female love interest and two kiss scenes. One is with a man and the other is with a woman . He also does some flirting with his boss's wife. There's an implied sex scene and implied nudity. You do get to briefly see him shirtless though. He wears a wig and you also get to see the worst haircut he has ever had in a movie to date. His performance isn't very good. There were a couple moments where it felt like I was listening to him recite lines from a paper. It didn't seem like he was all in for this project but decided to coast through. This might be a nit-pick but it's not a spoiler: not long after we meet his character he randomly tosses his wig off for no discernable reason and he never puts it back on. Nobody says anything about it. All the men of high class wore wigs in the movie so I assumed for a man to walk around wigless in front of high society would be deemed offensive. Anyway, I don't know what the point of that scene was.

Screentime Percentage: Ewan is on screen for a grand total of 44/106 minutes making his SP 42%.

To Ewan or not to Ewan: Is the movie worth watching for Ewan alone? No. Although he is in much of the movie, he just doesn't do a lot nor is he interesting. Honestly, the character is boring. I wouldn't turn this on for Ewan. Is the movie worth watching in general? Sadly, it's another no from me. In all fairness, it's so weird that it charmed me a little but I wouldn't recommend it to anyone. I don't know what audience this movie was made for.

Warning before Watching: There is a whole incest subplot in the movie. There aren't any sex scenes or anything but the movie makes sure you know they're related so keep that in mind. In a scene where Thea is overcome with emotion she intentionally cuts her face. The scenes of her being "cured" of her "illness" by the physician could also be uncomfy to watch. There's nothing graphic but you do hear her scream in pain and just the general treatment of this character is sad. Lastly, you see someone die from poison.

Where to Watch: "The Serpent's Kiss" is available to stream for free on Tubi, Sling TV, Redbox, Amazon Prime Video, and Freevee. It's also currently uploaded for free to YouTube. Just search "The Serpent's Kiss Full action Movie Drama Ewan McGregor".

Just wanna say I love you. Thank you for your companionship and community.

😍 thanks for tagging me @toxictoad

Padawan Obi using references of young Ewan McGregor with long hair ❤️