☆ Can We Normalize Carrying Toys / Plushies In Public? ☆

#couch theory lives

"eddie is toxic" "buck is self-obsessed" I'm taking buddie away from you people. and never giving them back. kys

OLIVER STARK as EVAN ‘BUCK’ BUCKLEY 9-1-1 - S08 E11 · Holy Mother of God

Hobbies that able bodied people recommend as very accessible but actually aren’t; (if you find these exhausting it’s ok - many do and you aren’t weaker or less than or unworthy or being a “buzz kill” or “over dramatic” bcs you need more rest than these hobbies provide💓)

Reading - eye strain, hand pain - it’s expensive in general and more expensive if you need physical aids to help you do it.

Knitting or crochet - this one feels more obvious - sure your not going for a hike but this is a lot of movement for people who either have fatigue, foggy brains or inflammation😗

Shows or movies - more so but then there are the flashing lights, bright color, many sounds and if you’re like me the brain fog can make you feel pretty stupid when trying to keep up with the plot.

Collectibles - expensive! And often requires a lot of travelling to get limited editions or to explore second hand shops to chance upon one of those items.

Video games - I’m gonna cut to the chase and just say anything with bright colors and loud sounds and lots of hand stuff is pretty much the last thing many disabled people want to do on a flare day. Quick response times too can really suck when the fog is just consuming every single coordinated thought!

Cooking or baking - it’s alot of standing if you don’t have an accessible kitchen. And having a kitchen like that can be expensive or at least very time consuming as you travel from second hand shop to second hand shop to find the needed equipment.

Yoga - fuck off. It’s so obvious why this is an issue just like strength training and cardio.

This is not at all to say that disabled people can’t do or can’t enjoy these things. It’s more to say that what is easy for an abled person isn’t necessarily easy for a disabled person. And that doing these tasks exert excess energy. Even our hobbies tire us at time and require a lot of effort to have.

I love reading and knitting and writing. And I do it when I can but I’m aware my hands aren’t as nimble and happy with me so I can’t do it as much as I want. I work out too but to my limits and I’m aware that if I fuck up and do too much I will have consequences (if I can even do that thing).

My point really starts and ends with; a disabled person remains disabled even when doing cosier or nicer activities. And those tasks cost spoons just like other ones. And those tasks can be harmful when a person is not in a position to enjoy them - which can be more often for a disabled person. So it’s important to have a level of empathy for the kind of rest people need and their limitations (which may not be in places you expect).

Common things in DID that no one likes to talk about

- switches that feel like you’re turning into someone else rather than them taking control (non-possessive switching)

- being unable to recognize amnesia until something requires you to remember something you forgot

- staying in the front for weeks at a time

- being unable to communicate with alters internally (this is so common why does everyone act like this is weird?)

- feeling like you don’t have any problems because you feel disconnected from them

- constant denial

- rapid identity, label, and appearance changes

- comorbidities, particularly personality disorders, anxiety disorders, and the schizophrenia spectrum

- autism (there is science pointing towards autistic people being more susceptible to trauma)

- disliking your system

- wanting final fusion

this is going to be a generalized take, so please forgive me, but women are an underrated enforcer of femininity.

I’ve noticed this with hairdressers. multiple times I’ve gone to lady hairdressers and said “cut it all off,” and they’ve gone “hmm alright,” and basically just trimmed the split ends. meanwhile I can go to a dude and say “hey, can you make my hair slightly shorter?” and he’ll go “on it boss,” and shave me bald.

twice now, I’ve also had lady tattoo artists add pink to femme up a tattoo, despite that not being on the initial design.

god, also thinking about this brought back a memory. my mom once threw a fit because my shoes were “too masculine” (they were black women’s flats), saying that I’d upset my dad and ruin the formal event we were going to. I wore the shoes, my dad didn’t give a shit.

I dunno. it just feels like the misogyny is coming from inside the house sometimes.

Ableism is fucking everywhere. And it's so insanely normalized. I was watching a commentary youtube video about a pretty shitty person. And the person who made the video, someone I watch frequently, calls the person a sociopath, a psychopath and a narcissist. Over and over again.

We're people too, what the fuck? Having ASPD or NPD does not equal being a shitty, abusive person. I'm so fucking sick and tired of my struggles being used as a way to insult and label others as abusers.

I am not your fucking horror trope.

windows in chinese suzhou gardens by 六毛钱的月亮

I've been reblogging a fair number of disability related posts in recent (when I actually come online). I'd like to take a moment talk a bit about my condition and frustrations around it. (TW near the end: pet death)

I have fibromyalgia, diagnosed by my rheumatologist after our investigation into my Sjogren's antibodies being six times higher than normal came up with no response to medication designed for it. I'm looking to take the test for fibro to confirm it for my disability case and am aware it only can identify one type, so here's hoping I lucked into at least being able to show medical evidence if my joints being fucked up little pain factories.

I've been seeking disability insurance since 2022 and have reached a remand back to the hearing level from the appeals council. I wasn't expecting it, since the judge pretty much twisted my testimony a bunch, my lawyers abandoned me, and I couldn't manage to interact with social security to get access to my C-file due to my condition--neither being able to get through the misophonia triggering ear pierce of the 120+ minute hold music nor mustering the motivation for getting down to the physical location to wait for hours upon hours in hostile seating and overstimulating environment.

It's been 2+ years since my initial application and I've unemployed for 99% of that. That 1% being a grand total of 10 hours at a major grocery chain in what can only be considered a misguided attempt to cope with no income, which resulted in my entire body shutting down with an explosive flare.

Now, my spouse, bless her, has been able to support me through this whole process. Emotionally and physically. I have a lot of gratitude for her. Unfortunately, with rising costs, being a single income home means we've been eating into our savings. More than half of it.

A kind friend was able to get me a job building ikea grade display furniture for a different major grocery chain. It's less than 15 hours a week and at the pay rate I take about 1000 gross per month. The thing is, while it isn't as intense as the other grocery work, it still causes flare ups, including full body migraines which take me out for a day or so.

I was about to get a new lawyer to help with my remand, until they learned I got this gig. Now, I'd been told by my previous lawyers that to qualify for disability (by legal definitions in the US), you can only work part time and make less than a certain amount each month--about 1600 this year. These new lawyers enlightened me that, while true, any amount you make that nears that limit makes your case harder since the judge gives you the side eye.

So here I am, tearing up my body because we can't afford for me to not do so, and it turns out my hope to get income that doesn't require me to tear up my body is at risk because I'm desperate for income. The government really does hope chronically-ill people either die or get starved out of the application process.

The hardest part is that if I don't keep this application alive, I won't be able to apply again, because (say it with me) I've been too disabled to work enough hours to meet the work credits within the past 10 years from the jump of a new application.

But I'm tired. I'm tired every day. I'm too tired to fully engage with things that bring me joy. I'm tired of thinking about how best to convey to an uncaring system how my conditions affect the quality of my life. I'm tired of searching for the perfect combinations of chemistry that can settle my anxiety, audhd, depression, hypomania, muscle and joint pain. I'm tired of brain fog attacking my ability to engage with topics that matter to me. I'm tired of hiding my pain from my family of origin, because I don't want to listen to their ableism. I'm tired dealing with the self loathing. I'm tired of being me.

I've all about given up hope that I'll get at least this one thing to reduce the pain. And that's what the government hopes will happen. Because they'd rather spend more money in an effort to deny than it would cost to just provide the benefit. Nothing is going to change my condition, whether I get disability or not. The truth is I have chronic conditions that will haunt me for the rest of my life, barring a miracle of science.

But the government isn't concerned with the truth, the law is just an arbitrary metric that says you can't be able to lick envelopes or crouch or lift a certain poundage. It's unconcerned whether there actually exists a job that us exclusively licking envelops that has the hours and pay to amount to a living wage. It's unconcerned with how fucked up you feel after bending down or lifting once or twice. All it cares about is finding that one thing that lets them say 'sorry, thanks for playing.' Even if that thing is is twisting around your testimony.

"Well, he plays video games. Well, he has cats." They honestly will purport that disabled people can't have any modicum of joy in their life, have anything to distract from the horrors. They're looking for anything like that to the point that a judge will hear that conditioned ruined my relationship with my dogs that I had before the conditions reached full blown disability, only to turn around and say "well, he is currently raising dogs." My rescues died from cancer 6 months apart in 2017, prick! What the fuck.

I don't know how to end this rant, so I'll just close with I know there is a lot going on in the world right now and I wish I had more energy to put toward taking a stand. There are people I love who need protection and care and support, but I don't have the resources to provide those things. I can't even provide them for myself. We need reform. We need revolution.

An introduction by yours truly, Ash

Attempt 3000 of having a Tumblr I like.

I'm Ash, I am 20 year old. Disabled and queer. Chronically online and ill.

🎶🎵 I''ve got the best of both words 🎵🎶

Auto-diag is valid by the way, there's enough information to auto-diagonise yourself with some stuff, and you are the only expert on your life. Ask for help if you need it though

Some people need to chill.

I have two side blogs : @lonebabyone (agere), @onesburyinghole (vent)

DMs open and asks too, for anything.

This blog is primarily to have a space to express myself on subjects i like. More details under the cut.

I enjoy most humanitarians subjects, like psychology, sociology, history, philosophy, politics (because for anarchy i need to know about it urgh). I'm anticapitalist, i do enjoy some stuff produced by it tho (i mean look in which platform i am), antigovernment (authorities and stuff ew). I am for communities and for helping thy neighnoor, at least i'm trying. I'm just a human trying to live in this world and help others when i can. I'm also chronically online and ill so take that as you will.

I will tell you one time if i see you don't respect my boundaries, you will be blocked.

Anyways, I also love some stuff and here some of them if you want to know:

Witch Hat Atelier

Epic the musical

I don't want to be a magical girl

Gravity falls

Formula 1

Rise of the guardians

Amphibia

The owl House

Hazbin hotel

Helluva boss

Spiderman and adjacents

Batfam

Flash

Five Nights at Freddy's

Teen Wolf

Arcane

Ao3

Fandoms in general

Percy Jackson

How to train your dragon

Hunger Games

9-1-1

Winnie the Pooh

Winx

...

The Music Freaks

Bluey

This list is inconclusive and doesn't really have an order.