NOTE TO SELF-SLOW THE FUCK DOWN!

i personally think there is a huge moral problem in the government/country when millions of pounds are going to be spent on the funeral and the subsequent coronation when people cannot afford to heat their homes and feed their children

EMERGENCY!!:NEED AN ESSAY WRITTEN? NEED AN ESSAY REVISED OR PROOFED?

I will do it for you!

I’m currently having a huge emergency and need to make sure my bills get paid by the 21st

I’m offering my skills with essays to whoever may need them.

IF YOU NEED AN ESSAY REVISED OR PROOFREAD:

Copyediting is part of my IRL job. Your paper will be flawless.

IF YOU NEED AN ESSAY WRITTEN:

I’m your girl. I’ve never gotten less than an A on an essay in my entire life.

I can write in ANY SUBJECT!

I can write ANY FORMAT/STYLE!

I can write IN A TIME CRUNCH!

I can use as many of whatever sources you need.

I WILL GET YOU AN A

Pricing:

$2/page for copyediting

$5/page for an ORIGINAL ESSAY (275-300 words per page)

$10 to RUSH (for papers due in 48 hours or less)

I hate to be the person begging on tumblr, especially since I have to be vague right now, but PLEASE, PLEASE signal boost and reblog even if you don’t need my help. Like I said, this is a huge emergency and MY FUTURE AS A STUDENT DEPENDS ON IT. I have never been so terrified in my life.

Again, I feel horrible asking, but if any of you have a spare 5 you could slip me no questions asked, I can totally make you some art of anything you choose, too. My PayPal is toribelle73@gmail.com.

THANKS IN ADVANCE!!

Having a traumatic childhood means you cannot talk even objectively about your basic foundational experiences without it being "venting", even if you're not actually venting. You just straight up have a huge chunk of your life you can't talk about, full stop, without it being trauma dumping.

And it not being socially acceptable to talk about your own childhood is super alienating. Sometimes people want to know why, and any answer you can give them is going to be off putting.

It's to the point I get irritated when something I said is framed as venting when I'm literally just talking about my life experiences, doing my best to keep emotion out of it.

shit man tomorrow is christmas eve i swear yesterday was June 2010

that time of the year when i rant about having problems regarding a nonexistent boyfriend that my family believes i do. liek are we actually believing this or,,, are you all just tryna ask me to get a boyfriend so we can have problems about boyfriend?

Reasons I believe my friend is secretly some kind of deity

1) First time we spoke was a week after the beggining of freshman year she summed up my entire character and most of the events of my life Sherlock style. I asked her how the hell she knew all that. She just shrugged and said she figured out our entire class already.

2) The one time we had religion class instead of ethics she listened to the teacher for a few minutes, laughed and told me:

“Humans have wished to be gods so much they’ve forgotten they have to ability to create them. Imagination has truly suffered from this ‘monotheism’ stuff.”

I was confused and asked her if she was an atheist. She rolled her eyes and said:

“Oh I believe in god alright. I just don’t think the bastard deserves to be worshipped.”

3) Out of nowhere she gave me this advice:

“The only truth a liar ever told was that lies weren’t going to save you. Don’t become the liar who has to pass that wisdom on, because they speak from experience.”

4) To this day, she has one of those old-timey phones with buttons she only uses to ocassionally call someone. When I asked her why she never got a smartphone she got pouty:

“I hate social media. On Facebook they talk a lot but never say anything. If I wanted to listen to people moan about their problems and ask for help they don’t expect I’d listen to their prayers.” (Notice the choice of words)

5) I noticed she was stiff and I offered her a massage since I’m really good at it but when i started kneading her back I swear to this day those were not muscles I felt. I asked her what she did to turn her muscles into rocks covered with a thin layer of skin and she kinda froze then shrugged and said she was just really, really stiff. My hands hurt after ten minutes when I can usually go for an hour. Next time I offered she seemed surprised and laughed. She still has rocks for muscles.

6) We were having a debate over the way neural pathways are formed (I study biology and she forensics) and I jokingly asked if I could have her brain for study when she dies. She laughed.

“Sure, if you find a way to kill me you can have it. I’m actually curious what you’re gonna find.”

7) One time she was tired and miserable and I tried to comfort her. We both have really dark sense of humor so I told her she could scare the dead out of their graves with that glare. She told me the dead can’t come back and I rolled my eyes and said 'obviously’ but she continued:

“When you die you descend to the underworld with nothing to lose. To keep you, they give you something to lose. When you want to return, they will demand it back. That’s why nobody ever leaves. The only way out is to never enter.”

8) One day she just came up to me with a disappointed look on her face. When I asked her what was wrong she was quiet for a few seconds and then just told me:

“Betrayals committed in good intentions are still damning. Just… keep that in mind.” Then she left and didn’t speak to me for three days. I still don’t know what she meant but even three years later I haven’t forgotten it.

9) We were casually sitting on a bench when, out of nowhere, she asked me: “Is it just me or have humans gotten dumber? Or have they always been this stupid and I just haven’t been paying attention?”

10) She asked me if I ever wondered what it was like to die. I said no but told her I would tell her when I found out. I meant it as a ghost joke but she smiled at me and said:

“Great. I’ll wait for you to come back. Maybe you’ll even remember me.”

In conclusion, she is some kind of low-key god and she lost her faith in humanity even before we lost our faith in her but she’s stuck with us because immortality is a bitch.

P.S. I just remembered her name is a variation on 'Eve’. Maybe I should reconsider my atheist status?!

UPDATE (Jan 9, 2019): Since people liked this so much I’m making it a thing. All I have about Eve can be found under #god goes to college

I love the lyrics, symbolism, and concept for this song + the production.

just get outta here