Been Having A Hard Time With Emotional Regulation Lately, And It Just Makes Me Feel So Much Worse. I

I wish I felt connected to these people that I’ve known all my life but I don’t

The Wire

legs kick fiercely at the ground

dirt flies as claws sink further

I can feel it still

the wire

wrapped around my neck

and there is no hope

squeals from me, from them

the sound of wood snapping

it’s getting dark

I don't know what to do anymore. I don't want to be here

I’m traumatized cause every time I wanted reassurance, clarification and to share my feelings it was perceived as trying to argue, shit has really turned me into a cold person

"Why are you so negative?"

Because growing up, nothing ever went right, so now I just expect things to go wrong. I expect abandonment, so I either cling on or push away, I expect things to not work out because that's what I've known. Whether it's a relationship, a goal, anything.

I also just have a severely low self-esteem that was consistently reinforced.

It's true that I can be positive when it comes to others' lives. I believe others can heal and become the best versions of themselves, I believe anyone else can deserve happiness and love. Me, on the other hand? Nah.

I wish I had a group of friends to wander the city with