The Worst Thing About Getting Diagnosed With A Disability/chronic Illness As A Young Adult Is Realizing

The worst thing about getting diagnosed with a disability/chronic illness as a young adult is realizing I’ve dealt with a lot of these problems since I was born. Without having a diagnosis, no one listened to me, and I’ve lived my entire life pretending to be a “normal” functioning person while suffering alone for survival. Whenever I couldn’t pretend anymore, there was just something wrong with me “emotionally” or I’d be given a bandaid to make me feel better temporarily. It was so easy for my doctors and parents to make snap judgments that left me/my body at fault. Moody, difficult, anti-social, spoiled, anxious. I thought there was something wrong with me mentally my entire life because I’ve been consistently dismissed, invalidated, and expected to be high functioning without accommodations. I wonder if my nerves would cause so much pain if my sensitivity was acknowledged or if I’d have trouble walking right now if I wasn’t pushed beyond my limits. It’s so much harder to accept disability as an adult because of the amount of ableism I’ve unconsciously internalized over the years. Being loved, worthy, and successful has only ever been associated with performance and productivity :/