Tonight's Full Moon, Half An Hour Before The Partial Lunar Eclipse, 9:20PM EST!

Please send more stalkers after me. I need to unlearn what society has taught me about restraint.

I can never leave Tumblr because after years of sporadic therapy utterly failed to even approach the core of my problem some random tumblr user was like “I processed my trauma by writing a 10,000 word work of filthy fanfic erotica” and I was like “fuck it I’ve tried everything else” and now I’m 17 chapters and 20,000 words deep into an unpublishable work of obscenity and after careful literary analysis with one of the Beloved Mutuals I have come to some Terrible Revelations about my childhood and may now continue the process of Healing. Where else am I supposed to get this kind of experience. Who does this. Why are we like this. I’m never leaving. I love y’all.

I've always wanted to learn how to be more expressive with colours so here's a weird experiment using bird #36 from yesterday... Just playing around with a colour layer, nothing major. It's definitely more interesting to look at than just plain ol' realistic colours?

It's hard to find a balance between keeping the birds recognisable and stylising them.

A while back my pharmacist saw my deadname on my profile and accidentially called it out, he corrected and deleted my deadname from the system so only my preferred name shows up now. There was a crowd of people behind me, so as he hands over the pills he apologized, in equal tone and volume as when he called my deadname and lied saying it's been a long day and he didn't mean to call out -his own- name. I quietly told him it was fine and he didn't need to do that for my sake.

His response: "No, it's my name now."

I went to the pharmacist yesterday, his nametag is my deadname. He informed me he's immigrating and in the process he's changed his first name to my deadname to have an English sounding name. That's why he's now able to get a reprint of his nametag to be my deadname. And repeated, with the intense seriousness of someone who is going to die on this hill: "It's mine now. Not yours. I'm taking." His tone indicated that decision is final.

Bro literally deadnamed me once, and has committed to flat out stealing my deadname. It's his now. Legally. Officially. I over heard his co-workers call him by the name.

Happy Birthday Chuuya!

Happy Birthday Nakahara Chūya-sensei!

To celebrate Nakahara Chūya’s birthday here are his top three quotes from my blog:

Quote #3:

Searching for memories that aren’t there, this heart of mine Closes itself up, languishes like an old moldy box of trinkets And then there are these sunken cheeks, these cracked lips- Bitterness bred in cruelty comes rushing out in silence…

I’ve grown accustomed to it all, and have leaned to bear it But sometimes any degree of loneliness can bring you down And while I cannot know for sure, sometimes it seems as if These tears are no longer tears for having loved someone…

- Nakahara Chūya, “Poem of the Sheep” from Poems of the Goat

Quote #2:

Soiled Sorrow: today too snow falls on it; soiled sorrow: today too wind blows on it.

Soiled sorrow is like, say, a fox’s fur; soiled sorrow in its torpor dreams of death.

Soiled sorrow frightens me piteously; soiled sorrow can’t be remedied, and the sun sets…

- Nakahara Chūya, “Soiled Sorrow” from The Poems of Nakahara Chūya

Quote #1:

Now in this world full of sadness, Don’t let your heart harden. For the sake of whatever intimacy we could have, Don’t let your heart harden.

Hardened, the heart is oblivious to the world, And words fall silent on the soul. Nurturing serenity, man returns to that dreaminess Known at the beginning, and can make sense of it all.

- Nakahara Chūya, “Untitled” from Poems of the Goat

by aoi__morio

Hello my friends, I am Ayman from Gaza. I have 6 children and my young child has an eye injury and needs an urgent operation. I hope to get your help to save my child in obtaining treatment. We have been displaced 7 times, and now we live in a tent and life is very difficult. I hope everyone will help me. In treating my son and saving my children, we deserve to live a decent and safe life. Please do not stop posting about us and helping us.

Mohammed struggled with his eye sight before the war and since the war has started, he has been struggling even more, he needs surgery. The photo on the left shows Mohammed before the war started and then after. His vision got worse.

Hello my friend, please I need your help in donating or sharing my link. My son was injured in Gaza

gofundme.com

Donate to Please Help Mohammed Save His Vision in Gaza, organized by Heyam Sharif

Hello, My name is Heyam Sharif and I am writing to inform you abou… Heyam Sharif needs your support for Please Help Mohammed Save

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@el-shab-hussein

@nabulsi

@90-ghost

on Vetted Gaza Fundraiser List Number (244 )

I'll hold on to your glove

Am I...a prophet?

A couple of months ago I sent a proposal for a horror series to a publisher and I had to provide 10 sample pages. It didn’t get picked up, but I got some encouraging words for them so I’m currently working on a one-shot.

I wanted to share these pages since I’m kinda proud of them and I want other to see them & I think it kinda works as a short, open-ended little story.