Yoshi Can Run No Longer

concept: the year is 2034. i walk into work with coffee in hand. coworker is wearing cool shoelaces and i compliment them absentmindedly. they look me dead in the eye and say, “thanks, i stole them from the president.” scalding coffee leaks out of every one of my orifices and i hide in the bathroom convulsing for the rest of the day

every fall teenage girls are like.. “oh , im gonna enter a place of business and order a product which is offered by that place of business because i like the flavor of it” and honestly? how dare they. that’s so annoying. why can’t they buy the beverage that i, a smart man, would prefer to drink

captain hook: arrrg i miss vine. twas me fav’rit app

smee: but capn! there’s a new app! its not exactly the same but it’s very similar!

captain hook: what’s it called?

smee: um

So my friend is an acting major looking to get into broadway stuff, so she’s been doing a lot of voice training. Usually she does covers of broadway songs, but sometimes she gets bored and decides to sing other things.

She did a cover of “Smells Like Teen Spirit” and her voice coach liked it so much he liked mixed it and everything and it sounds great.

look at this neat doritos i got

do you ever wonder how many strangers hate you because of how someone else described you to them

forget wanderlust, sonder, all those words for vague dreamy feelings… what I’m asking for is a concise word for the feeling you get when someone makes an assumption about you that’s 100% correct but you really don’t like that anyone was able to make that assumption. for now I’m calling it a fuckor