Have You Ever Just Randomly Cried Because You’ve Been Holding Shit In For Too Long?

if you give me a task with no deadline i will literally never do it but if you give me a deadline i will get it done exactly 1 hour before the deadline even if the deadline is in six years

So my brother and I were best friends growing up. He was hilarious and we got into all kinds of trouble. I still can’t believe some of the shit we got away with. Anyway I guess he had a nervous breakdown one day and accidentally killed a guy. I saw what happened and it totally wasn’t his fault. But he ran away, ranting about how his entire life was a lie or something. Turns out, he was adopted and our parents never told us. I didn’t hear from him for a few years after that. Then he just shows up at this party I’m having. He’s totally grown out his beard like some kind of mountain man. But whatever, my brother is back! So I welcome him home and he pulls this snake out of nowhere. Like, an actual snake. So I try to play it cool. Knowing my brother, this has got to be some kind of practical joke. But my buddies flip out and next thing I know, they pull out some snakes too. I’m thinking, I have to get this under control before this turns into a goddamn reptile show. But before I can say anything, my brother’s snake eats their snakes, which, okay, I guess that improves the situation? So I take my brother aside and ask him what prank he’s trying to pull. That’s when he gets all serious. He reminds me that our dad did some pretty shady stuff, which wasn’t really that big of a deal to me but I guess it was to him. He tells me to check my privilege or some shit and that I should let his people go and anyway that’s how I lost my brother to social justice.

WHAT ARE THOOOOOSE

Poor Grandma

I went to the farmer’s market yesterday and at the honey guy’s booth and there were all these bees just hangin out.  Checking out the beeswax tabs, floating around the honey jars, not being aggressive, just really gentle and investigating or something

and as he was giving me a sample of the wildflower honey one of them landed on his hand and he just took a drop from the jar and dabbed it on his hand for the bee, and when I asked if they were his bees he said “No, but they show up every time I come out, I think they just know my truck” and this guy is well-known among the local bees and lets them sit on his hand and eat his honey and I just really like the bee guy

The Force Awakens

"Oh wow, you're up early!"

“Who said I slept?”