Like-luke-likes - Like-Luke-Likes

Did you know that beekeepers have famously attractive eyes ? Every single one of them . I don’t know the science behind it , but studies show beauty is in the eye of the bee holder . 

“Hawaii Gov. David Ige told reporters at a press conference that an employee “pushed the wrong button” during a shift change, which sent the false alert, adding that an investigation was underway.” (x)

first item on the agenda: moving the “nuclear holocaust” button farther away from the time clock

Angry customer: “Well maybe I’ll just take my business somewhere else!”

Me:  

HOW TO PICK UP GIRLS IN 3 EASY STEPS

STEP 1: purposefully bump into girl(make sure you are typing into your calculator while doing this)

STEP 2: say “im sorry. i didnt see you, i was taking inventory of all my lizards”

STEP 3: make sure she sees the number 42069666 on the screen

im watching this at 1am and crying . for real

So there’s a blind kid in my class, and today we were having really bad thunderstorms in our area. All of the sudden there’s a huge crack of thunder and all the lights go out. Some girl screamed “Oh my god i can’t see anything!” and the blind kid goes “Me either!!” and i just lost it

“be the bigger person” no?? im 5"1 and bitter u be the bigger person???

Sike.... twas portioning out my hair for an undercut