“who’s That Again? Show Me A Picture.” Lili Was Nothing But A Visual Learner — It Also Kept Her

୨୧     W     :     FINDING YOUR INNER VARIETY STAR   _   2

WHAT DID YOU CONSIDER THE EASIEST & HARDEST PART OF THE WORKSHOP?

“to be funny.” lili wasn’t funny at least when she tried to be — funny had to be an instinctive trait, one that came easy for them, but lili wasn’t like that. “don’t get me wrong, i’m funny, but not when i want to be — at least that’s what people say.” people tell her she’s funny but lili didn’t think so, if anything, she believed she was a far cry from it.

HOW WOULD YOU RATE YOUR OVERALL SATISFACTION WITH THE WORKSHOP?

“out of ten?” lili thinks on it, pausing for a moment before, nodding her head, satisfied with what she’s come up with, “i’d say ten. astrid 선배님 had a lot to share and tried her best to make us comfortable.” and when lili said she tried, she really did try — but it wasn’t enough for lili to cross her boundaries and her ego, unfortunately. at the ripe age of twenty-four, lili was already set in stone and could not (rather, would not) compromise herself in the name of variety. and maybe that had been her downfall from the beginning.

WOULD YOU BE INTERESTED IN A FOLLOW-UP WORKSHOP ON THE SAME TOPIC?

should she be honest — would it look bad on her if she was? or should she lie? she was good at that — through her teeth, tongue to cheek, a gentle, slow breath before she says what’s exactly on her mind: “no, i think i’m just not suited for variety, at least, if i were to go by myself. i feel like i’m a go with the flow, rely on people i know type of variety person but if i was just the individual guest? i don’t think i’m funny enough for that — or i suppose, it just depends on the type of variety. gags and the like, please refrain from recommending me.” was that a bit much? maybe but lili had to draw the line somewhere. this workshop had proved that this was not the line of work she wanted to be associated with.

his reaction is one that she does not expect. her eyes slow to the sigh that she pulls from him — a raised brow in expectance to an explanation she knows she’ll never get — nor does she really deserve, they weren’t friends. at least not in that way.

mere acquaintances, really, if lili were to categorize hyunsoo as anything other than some boy she liked to annoy. ( with a list that seemed to grow longer and longer by the day as she learned of new things to prick into his side like some voodoo doll ) 

“why — mama’s boy isn’t fighting with his — oh, wait — are you guys really?” she wants to laugh — but the hilarity of the situation has since left her the moment his mother had decided that a text or two would do her no good and had gone as far as calling her grandmother and inviting lili for lunch with the motive of baiting her. 

now that was never funny, lili liked to play games — but not when they were played without her consent. 

“i would but now, i’m interested.” she says, though, instead of turning off her phone, she moves to block his mother’s number — hoping at least this could be the end of this thread — then thinks against it, letting the phone screen fade to black without another click.

Lili's presence brings out a certain side of Hyunsoo — one not quite seen by his casual friends and coworkers. It is a special sort of relationship the two of them have; if one could even call it that. The woman had a way about her that he could only see during the get togethers and fleeting moments within the luxurious circles he wished he could leave behind. Lili serves as a reminder that he would be unable to stray too far from his roots.

"I don't know what you are referring to..." The statement is as plain as his tone, the tail end muffled as he takes another sip. His eyes follow hers as they flicker here and there. He even turns his head back to the coffee truck just in time to see one of the baristas ducking to pretend she's been busy at work. He forgoes waving for an amused chuckle.

By the time he returns his attention to Lili, a phone screen is presented in his direction with a barrage of texts from his recently estranged mother. "Or who you are refe—"

A heavy sigh falls from his lips. "I am not reading that," his fingers grip his straw, tempted to run it through again out of sheer irritation; he folds it instead. "Can you not tell her that I am too busy to contact her now? Or... ignore her. You are not responsible for me, nor her middle man."

she laughs — an actual, loud-mouthed, almost snorting laugh — a laugh lili almost never lets anyone hear; and maybe it’s because of asami’s audacity or was it her comedic timing? or maybe, asami was actually that funny.

“you did not just learn that, shut up.” she teases, shoulder nudging the others as she shakes her head, nose crinkled and all at the playfulness of asami’s english. 

lili nods, understandably so to asami’s distress. when she had first arrived in america and had been placed into their special esl ( english as a second language ) classes at school, it was as if all her teachers were speaking an alien tongue — but now, after years of living and breathing the language and still being told it wasn’t enough ( hence why she was currently taking the english class ), well … it was quite the accurate statement: english was just so wrong. 

and yet, it was still considered one of the most important of languages to learn. 

that was some weird westernized level of thinking.

“you’re so right — but hey, on the bright side, at least they don’t need us to be completely fluent … just conversational? or like … maybe enough so that we don’t say … controversial things?” which, in hindsight, maybe learning a new language only opened them up to the vulnerability of saying something wrong …. well, that was for the company to handle.

When Asami was attributed with the task to learn English as fast as she could for the duration of the month, she won't lie, she was stressed. She doesn't know exactly why she never invested in learning English, to be honest, especially with how the company seemed to be investing in the western market as of lately, but after learning Korean in such a short time, and having Japanese to back her up as well, Asami didn't pick up any language books and focused in other things.

Now it's coming to bite her in the ass.

Though one must admit, trying to learn literally anything while feeling pressured? It isn't the best method. The teacher is nice enough, and Asami has been trying to focus, but when Lili interrupts her, it's like the first deep breath she takes of all evening, "The book's on the table," she says cheekily in English what she learned years ago when she was still in school, "English was one of my worst subjects when I was in school, I didn't think I'd need to revise those times years later," Asami admits with a sigh. "Korean was much easier to pick up, to be honest, now I'm struggling again with a language that makes very little sense."

“christ,” lili curses under her breath, fingers running through her hair as she steps back. she was thankful — no, relieved — when she sees the other open her eyes to a blurry haze. she was alive — there was no need for cpr that lili did not know heads or tails of or 119. shit, should she still call them just in case? the girl did look like she needed some type of medical attention. “are you sure, you looked like … kinda two steps to heaven?”

watching the other nearly stumble, lili sighs; hands on her hips, brows furrowed before shaking her head. a hand raised to stop the other, if not extend a hand to stabilize her. “no, no — it’s okay. i was going to use it but you don’t look so good, you should stay. rest, maybe go to the infirmary? does this happen often?” 

One moment, she was studying her form in the mirror, checking the angle of her leg as she pointed it towards ceiling. The next moment, she was looking into the eyes of a girl she recognized but was not overly familiar with and completely soaked.

Junyi was not alarmed - this was, unfortunately, a common enough occurrence.

"I am alright," she whispered reassuringly, bringing a hand up to sweep across her wet bangs. People did not typically use water to wake her up; they most often opted for shaking and shouting. Junyi wasn't sure if she preferred this method more.

Regardless.

"Thank you for your help. Apologies if I alarmed you." She smiled despite the circumstances and sat herself up slowly. "I must have overheated. Or something." Her doctors in China informed her that she had a problem with her qi, and that was why she experienced these moments of weakness. It's been improving, but not quickly enough.

"Are you here for the practice room?" Junyi glanced at the clock. "Sorry. I'll get going now." She reached for her towel in the corner to wipe her face. Must have moved too fast, because she nearly fell over again.

in a perfect world, it would have just been lili and minkyu. just them, no need for lili to act up for anyone, let alone minkyu.

but this wasn’t a perfect world — as reality so helpfully liked to remind lili — and instead of it being just lili and minkyu. it was just lili and minkyu and a handful of cameras that were panning in on their every move and recording their every word. the things she would rather do — the things she would rather say are swept under her tongue and instead replaced with an appropriate, friendly smile rather than the snarky and amused — chagrin, almost — smirk.

a face the public could grow to like — a face she knows like the back of her hand. 

“i suppose you’ve got one thing going for you: good taste.” she laughs, eyes twinkling at the compliment thrown her way. despite of herself, lili knew she couldn’t deny herself the flattery.

( it was one of her weaknesses, ugh — remind her to lock it up later )

she takes his arm for hers to hold, squeezing his arm, gently, as she smiles at him. “ah, you caught me.” she laughs, lightly. “honestly, it was one of my favorite things to do when i lived in beijing. it’s like a whole event — you’d see huge, huge kites flying all around. it’s also about around this time when it’s held and i just wanted to share it with a special someone — thankfully, it’s you.” 

“oh, and we won’t just be flying them,” she’s steering him down the path towards the little workshop she had spent the past week researching. her steps growing hurried as they grow closer that the hand at his arm snakes down to grab his hand instead so they could rush forward. 

and once they do, in a plethora of sparkling hand gestures and a smile practically spilling of sunshine and warmth — god, was it aching her cheeks — “we’re also going to be making the kites!”

In Lili's company, there's an immediate sense of comfort that envelops him. Perhaps it's the deep bond of their friendship or the effortless harmony they share, but filming this reality show suddenly feels far more exhilarating than he had ever imagined.

With her, he doesn't feel the need to conform to any particular persona or mannerisms; he can simply revel in being his authentic self, secure in the knowledge that their natural dynamic will resonate with viewers.

"Who did I expect?" he ponders aloud, pretending to mull it over for a moment, mock-serious, "Some Hollywood celebrity, of course," before breaking into a grin. "Honestly, all I hoped for was someone with a pretty smile and a contagious laugh, and you fit the bill perfectly. I couldn't ask for more." His words aren't just for show or because he knows female viewers will be swooning in this moment; he genuinely means them.

Offering his arm for her to hold on to as they begin to walk, his glance casts up at the sky dotted with kites. "I'm sure flying kites will be a blast, although I've never tried it before," he confesses with somewhat of a sheepish smile. "I can't help but wonder how you came up with such a unique date idea, though. Is there a specific meaning to your choice?" His focus is solely on Lili, every ounce of attention on no one but her suddenly. "It's definitely one-of-a-kind."

PITY PARTY: PARTY OF 1 ୨୧ @lgcjisoo / BACKDATED (010125)

the humiliation burns.

and yet, lili would rather wear the flaw like a bright red ‘a’ a la scarlet letter. if hester prynne could be prosecuted for the shame of adultery, could lili’s crime be considered of that multitude?

what had been her crime again?

ah right — existing, was it?

on the eve of her birthday, for what lili had thought was to be her birthday dinner — she had invited jisoo on the pretense of such — they gathered around a long mahogany table : filled with food, left untouched ; conversation, guided by the xu matriach, none other than lili’s grandmother ; and people lili could not place or fathom to know.

was this truly her birthday dinner?

her grandmother had introduced it as so and yet, despite the first sentence starting and ending with lili — everything that followed had nothing to do with the girl who was at the cusp of turning twenty-four that night. and she was floored, utterly embarrassed and speechless at the obvious display of neglect. 

was she supposed to sit here, look pretty and take this disrespect? the way her grandmother stares her down from across the table is a clear answer.

an obvious one that lili finds she doesn’t want to listen to — grabbing her purse, she tugs on jisoo’s sleeve, slamming her heels to the ground as she stands. “let’s go, we still have to pick up your dog from the daycare, right?”

she lies through her teeth — thinking on her feet for some semblance of an excuse only to find the piss-poorest one, and yet her eyes flash a demand for jisoo to get his ass out of that chair. 

two girls, one chicken coop  —  @lgcjaekyung

lili is no countryside girl.

she doesn’t even remember a time where she had voluntarily stepped out of the city — let alone, wanted to do so. pray tell, why would she want to leave the comforts and efficiency of a concrete jungle for the — pardon her ick — hovel that was the rural village they had currently been dropped in.

even though she was grinning and trying to bear it — the feigned laughs and smiles were starting to create an ache in her cheeks and make her voice hoarse — the smell was atrocious and lili was in dire need of an evian spritz or a d-air diffuser, stat.

was she starting to feel faint — she could feel herself waning.

then she stumbles, barely catching herself before she almost falls face-first into the dirt that she isn’t sure is just dirt or a mix of the compost and chicken poop that littered the area. fuck, even the rubber boats they had given her were falling apart from the smell — or so she thinks. 

she groans, immediately falling to a crouch beside a girl — was it jae … something … jane? june? jake? — all but a heap of defeat as she tries to muster a grin despite the stench strangling her nose out of her senses. “how are you able to do this — isn’t the smell killing you?” she whispers, honestly in awe at the other. lili may be in the worst mood ever but she had to give her appreciation where it was due. she sniffs, once — twice, trying to find a way to rid herself of the stink. 

@LGCENT just posted a photo!

just another year around the sun 🎁 ❤️

#lgctrainees #lgcent #xulili

“There was about her a wildness that flashed in her eyes. She was spoiled and beautiful and easily bored. She was either fiercely excited or cool and detached.”

— Kendra Bean, from Vivien Leigh: An Intimate Portrait (via violentwavesofemotion)

two girls freezing their asses off but don’t you know a gossiping hoe never gets cold? — @lgcmaylin

ever since snow had fallen upon seoul, the chill in the city had only turned for the worse — cloaking the entirety of the peninsula in the near negatives.

and you might be asking: just why was lili subjecting herself to the very cold that was freezing her to bits?

well — there were two presentable answers for such a thing.

one.

lili needed a smoke — badly — and the designated places for such a thing lacked the common decency of having a working heater.

and two.

she needed some space to air out her grievances after the last practice with a certain coach. and oddly enough, lili thought it was tacky to talk shit about an anal coach inside the company — but outside, mere feet away from where the door had safely hit its hinges, and even further away from nosy ears, did she feel comfortable to do just that.

unfortunately, the smoke that flows from pursed lips cease within minutes of another’s arrival. the cigarette snubbed at the sudden welcome, crushed beneath a leather boot, before being replaced with a pack of gum. it wasn’t a worthy substitute but because it was maylin, lili made an exception — just because the other girl quit all those years ago didn’t mean lili would ignore the other’s hard work just to get her nerves calmed.

immediately she flies into the other’s side, arm in arm, as if to conserve whatever heat the other had brought with her. “it’s so fucking cold tonight —” she breathes, the warmth of her breath billowing out into the cold in a puff.