Im Never Writing Smut Ever Again Why Is It So Difficult To Do

— LEIGHBAYE’S RULES ™

all rights reserved. no part of this work and others with the tags, #minaleigh & #leighbaye, may be translated, used, or reproduced in any form or by any means without prior written permission from the author. unauthorized use, distribution, or claiming ownership of this work is strictly prohibited.

© MINA LEIGH 2023 - 2024

#rules for requesting a fic

♡ do use the ask box or submission form to make your request.

♡ do be specific about what you want (characters, pairing, scenario, etc.).

♡ do be patient; fics take time to write, and i want to give each one the attention it deserves.

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#do’s and don'ts

♡ do feel free to suggest prompts or ideas, but don't demand a specific outcome.

♡ do respect my writing style and choices, don't try to dictate every detail.

♡ do understand that not every request will be accepted or written, don’t take it personally.

♡ don’t send multiple requests for the same fic idea; one request is enough.

♡ don’t request anything that goes against my stated boundaries or content warnings.

♡ i won’t do any age - ups of canonically teen characters. i been getting requests like these recently and no shame to your preferences but i can’t work around that scenario since it feels inaccurate. no exceptions.

♡ i won’t write smut, the most ill mention are mature themes, that’s all you will get.

♡ i don’t write for actual actors/celebrities, implying that i only write on the character you want me to portray them as.

finn wolfhard, jacob elordi ㄨ mike wheeler, nate jacobs ✓

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nobody asked but im working on coming out with another nate jacobs one - shot

spoiler . . . viewer discretion is advised ୨ৎ

guys what the fuck should i write help me

when mfs bring up the outsiders and now shawty know u a nerd 😞

— CINNAMON GIRL ¹

written by mina leigh ୨ৎ , darrel curtis 𝔁 f! reader | wc 1000

summary. darry reflects on his lifelong friendship with y/n toizer and her impact on him and his family. this chapter delves into the bond they share, the weight of his responsibilities, and how y/n has been his constant anchor through it all.

labels. darry’s point of view.

warnings. mentions of grief, financial struggles, and family responsibilities.

life doesn’t give you much room to breathe when you’ve got a family to take care of. it’s not something i complain about — it’s just the way things are. i’ve got soda and pony to think about, bills to pay, and a roof to keep over our heads. sometimes, it feels like i’m carrying the weight of the world on my shoulders. but there’s one person who always seems to lighten the load, even when she doesn’t realize it.

y/n toizer.

she’s been my best friend for as long as i can remember. we grew up on the same block, running through sprinklers in the summer and building forts out of whatever junk we could find. even back then, she had this way about her — soft, sweet, always smiling. it didn’t matter if the world was falling apart; y/n could make it feel like everything was going to be okay.

i don’t know what i’d do without her.

the day had been long — too long. work at the roofing company was slow, and when you’re paid by the job, that’s never a good thing. i was tired, sweaty, and had about a million things on my mind when i heard the familiar sound of her laughter coming from the front yard.

there she was, sitting cross - legged on the grass with charlie leaning against her and matteo tossing a football with soda and pony. her sundress was bright against the fading light, her hair catching the golden hues of the setting sun. for a moment, i just stood there, watching.

❝you gonna stare all day, darry, or are you gonna come say hi?❞ she called, her voice teasing but warm.

i shook my head, a small smile tugging at my lips despite myself. i walked over, wiping my hands on my jeans. ❝someone’s gotta keep an eye on you lot. last time you were here, soda ended up with a busted lip.❞

y/n laughed, the sound light and easy. ❝that wasn’t my fault, and you know it.❞

i sat down on the porch steps, resting my elbows on my knees as i watched the kids play. it was like this every time she came around. y/n had a way of making the house feel fuller, like it wasn’t just me holding everything together anymore.

❝how’s work?❞ she asked after a moment, her voice quieter now.

i sighed, running a hand through my hair. ❝same as always. slow. but we’ll manage. we always do.❞

she nodded, her expression thoughtful. ❝you know, if you ever need anything —❞

❝i know, y/n. but we’re fine.❞ i cut her off, not unkindly. i knew she meant well, but the last thing i wanted was to lean on her more than i already did. she had her own family to take care of.

she didn’t press the issue, and i was grateful for that. instead, she leaned back on her hands, looking up at the sky.

❝do you ever think about how different things could’ve been?❞ she asked softly.

i frowned, glancing over at her. ❝what do you mean?❞

❝if our parents were still here,❞ she said, her voice barely above a whisper. ❝yours, mine… maybe life wouldn’t feel so heavy all the time.❞

❝ studying at the same university together, we always are.❞

it wasn’t often that y/n talked about her parents. they’d passed away in a car accident when charlie was just a baby, leaving her to step into a role she hadn’t been ready for. not that you’d ever know it. y/n had taken on the responsibility of raising her brothers with a grace that still amazed me.

❝maybe,❞ i said after a moment, my voice low. ❝but you’ve done a damn good job, y/n. you’ve got nothing to be ashamed of.❞

she looked at me then, her eyes shining with something i couldn’t quite name. ❝neither do you, darry.❞

later that night, after y/n had taken her brothers home, the house felt quieter than usual. soda was sprawled out on the couch, snoring softly, while pony was tucked away in his room with a book. i sat at the kitchen table, a stack of bills in front of me and a pen in my hand.

the numbers didn’t add up, no matter how many times i went over them. i rubbed a hand over my face, frustration bubbling under the surface.

❝you’re going to give yourself wrinkles, you know.❞

i looked up, startled to see y/n standing in the doorway. she held a plate of cookies in one hand and a thermos in the other.

cookies, the ones soda and pony love.

❝what are you doing here?❞ i asked, though i wasn’t upset.

she shrugged, setting the plate and thermos on the table before sitting across from me. ❝couldn’t sleep. figured you’d still be up.❞

she wasn’t wrong. she never was.

she poured two cups of coffee from the thermos, pushing one toward me. i took it with a small nod of thanks, the warmth seeping into my hands.

❝sugar, creamer?❞ she offered.

❝no thanks.❞

❝what’s on your mind?❞ she asked, her voice gentle.

i hesitated, but something about the way she looked at me made it impossible to lie. ❝everything. the bills, the boys, work … it feels like no matter how hard i try, it’s never enough.❞

her expression softened, and she reached across the table, placing her hand over mine. ❝darrel curtis, you’re one of the strongest people i know. but you don’t have to do it all on your own. you’ve got me. you’ve got the boys. you’re not alone in this.❞

her words hit me harder than i expected. for a moment, i couldn’t speak. all i could do was nod, the lump in my throat making it impossible to say anything.

she stayed for a while after that, talking about nothing and everything, her presence a balm to the ache i didn’t even realize i’d been carrying. by the time she left, the weight on my chest felt a little lighter, the world a little less daunting.

as i lay in bed that night, staring at the ceiling, i couldn’t help but think about what she’d said. about not being alone.

she was right, of course. i wasn’t.

because as long as y/n toizer was around, i knew i could face whatever life threw my way.

and for that, i’d be forever grateful.

© MINA LEIGH 2023 - 2024

. . . prologue you’re here! sodapop curtis ponyboy curtis

dallas winston johnny cade steve randle two - bit matthews

🤎 ₊˚⊹ — give you the world

parring ➵ harry potter x m!reader

summary ➵ enjoying the honeymoon phase in hogsmede.

warnings ➵ n/a

age of parring ➵ 14 - 15

extra ➵ teenage boys grappling the concept of love. credits to @cafekitsune for banners!

harry knew from the moment he woke up that he was going to have a wonderful day. the both of you came up with a plan to have him sneak into hogsmede and have a first date as the both of you officially have the boyfriends title.

as much as harry enjoyed your company, he was nervous to say the least. he thought on how he was gonna have to follow you like a lost puppy as you show him all the best places to visit at hogsmede.

in appropriate winter attire, hidden by his late father’s invisibility cloak, he began to walk. fiddling with his fingers, he did not notice the weasley twins, fred and george, snickering at his obliviousness.

he was making foot prints on the heavy layer of snow, it was like he wanted to get caught.

as soon was the twins finished building their cute snowman, the lunged at harry, dragging him through the snow.

❝ guys leave me alone! ❞ harry cried out.

❝ clever harry. ❞ replied fred, followed along by ❝ but not clever enough. ❞ from george.

❝ besides, we’ve got a better way. ❞

❝ guys cmon, im trying to get to hogsmede! i-i have a date! ❞

❝ we know! with y/n, oh we mean your boyfriend eh? ❞ the twins said simultaneously.

❝ don’t worry, we’ll get you there. ❞

❝ we’ll show you a quicker way. ❞

❝ if you pipe down. ❞

❝ let me go, cmon guys! ❞

❝ now harry, come and join the big boys! ❞

after escaping fred and george with the marauder’s map in his possession, he came out of the recommended one - eyed witch passageway, he found himself in honeyduke’s cellar.

he looked around, checking if the coast was clear, he lifted a tile slightly so only his green orbs could absorb his surroundings.

he lifted himself off the ground, tip toes to stairs that lead up to honeyduke’s. he quickly covered himself with the invisibility cloak as he stepped up, knocking a box of clutter in the process.

harry couldn’t believe his eyes. there were shelves upon shelves of the most succulent - looking sweets imaginable. creamy chunks of nougat, shimmering pink squares of coconut ice, fat, honey - coloured toffees; hundreds of different kinds of chocolate in neat rows; there was a large barrel of ‘every flavour beans’, and another of ‘fizzing whizzbees’, the levitating sherbet balls that ron had mentioned before.

you stood standby, although you and your boyfriend came up with the invisibility cloak hogsmede break in, you never planned where to meet. so made use of your trip to honeydukes to buy yourself some sugar quills.

you dropped some sliver sickles and one galleon on the counter and made your way to the door, only to be pulled by a unknown force, you smiled to yourself knowing it was harry.

it was your turn to drag him, a ❝ oomph! ❞ escaping his lips. coming to a secluded area, harry snatched the cloak off him and reached out, wrapping his arms around your neck.

❝ hey there harry. ❞ you said to him lovingly, wrapping your arms around his waist, with your neck resting on his shoulder.

it hurt your back a bit since the height difference between you and harry was noticeable, regardless of hitting puberty it was like he stunted in growth.

we aren’t gonna tell him though.

you let go and stunned harry by resting your hands on his sides giving them a hard grip.

❝ i’m glad you made it love. ❞ you pecked his check adoringly.

❝ i-im sorry if i took to long, fred and george- ❞

❝ don’t worry about it harry, what matters is that you are here now right? ❞ harry nodded in response.

❝ ready for our honeymoon? ❞ you asked him teasingly and he felt heat rising in cheeks and you intertwined your hand with his.

the both of you made it inside the popular pub, the three broomsticks, choosing a secluded area for the both of you, perhaps to snog comfortably, perhaps not.

you ordered two butter beers with extra cream on yours. you pulled out a sugar quill and handed it to harry

❝ thank you y/n. ❞ harry said softly, ripping into it right away.

❝ my pleasure harry. ❞ you cupped his face and kissed his forehead making his eyes flutter.

the both of you talked about how the term was going with dementors on the loose and his passion for quidditch.

how mesmerizing it was to see, practically the love of your life, ramble about quidditch, expressing his love for it using dramatic hand movements.

you caught him off guard by reaching out for his hand and placing it on your lips.

❝ w-what are you doing? ❞ he yelped out, not even bothering to smack his hand off you.

you kissed each knuckle, smiling against his palm.

❝ you’re so beautiful harry, im such a lucky boyfriend. ❞ you expressed your content in spending time with him alone

he giggled as you let go of his, now pampered, hand. he took a large chug of his last bit of butter beer before putting the glass down.

❝ i could say the same y/n, i mean your so handsome.. ❞ he whispered locking his emerald eyes in contact with yours.

you chuckled. ❝ i know! ❞ you then stood up grabbing your things as he did the same.

❝ oh shit harry, wait! ❞ you gasped quietly.

❝ h-huh, what’s wrong, do i have something on my face? ❞ he looked away embarrassed noticing the sticky feeling of butter on his lips.

you grabbed his chin, forcing him to look up at you and without hesitation you leaned down and kissed him.

harry’s eyes widened as you did so, this was your first kiss, on the lips at that.

he noticed you looked so.. so nonchalant.

you eyes closed, breathing in deeply. he doesn’t know it but, inside you where screaming internally.

harry responded by shutting his eyes and kissing back. which surprised you to say the least.

you let go first, readjusting his glasses for him.

❝ i love you harry. ❞ you whispered in his ear.

before he could respond you walked by him and turned back, pointed to the exit of the pub signaling to leave.

he stood there in a trance, not blinking once. before he could say it back, you had been already opening the door, holding it waiting for him to go though.

❝ w-wait y/n ! ❞

୨⎯ 𝐦𝐢𝐧𝐚 𝐥𝐞𝐢𝐠𝐡 ⎯୧

might have to write something for him ♡

— CINNAMON GIRL ᵖʳᵒˡᵒᵍᵘᵉ

written by mina leigh ୨ৎ , greasers 𝔁 f! reader | wc 886

context. a glimpse into y/n toizer’s life and her connection to the curtis brothers and their group of friends. this multi - part fic explores the bond y/n shares with the boys and how they view her as their “second mother,” a central figure in their lives.

labels. mild language, mentions of familial struggles, and emotional themes of loss and responsibility.

‧₊˚ ୨୧ mina speaks. revamping my first ever work from wattpad, this was truly my best idea just executed very poorly & i was desperate to fix it to my fulfillment. i really hope this reaches my target audience. without further ado, i wish this project shows everyone potential in enjoying. thank you all so much ♡

there’s something about the early evening that seems to freeze time. golden light spills across the cracked pavement, turning everything softer, warmer, even if life in tulsa rarely ever is.

y/n toizer leaned against the rickety fence outside the curtis house, the hem of her sundress swaying lightly in the breeze. her eyes followed her youngest brother, charlie, as he chased after soda and ponyboy with a whoop of laughter. next to her, matteo, taller and already wearing the sharp edges of teenagehood, leaned with crossed arms, watching the chaos unfold.

❝why do i get the feeling they’re going to break something?❞ y/n let out, nudging matteo lightly with her elbow.

❝because they always do,❞ matteo replied dryly, though there was a hint of amusement on his face.

the screen door slammed open, and darry stepped out, wiping his hands on a rag. he looked older than his twenty years, the weight of responsibility written in the lines on his face and the strength in his shoulders. still, when he saw y/n, his expression softened in a way it rarely did for anyone else.

❝you’re too soft on those kids, y/n,❞ darry said, but there was no real heat in his voice.

y/n tilted her head with a smile, her eyes sparkling with affection. ❝they’re just having fun. besides, it’s not like you’re any better. i seem to remember you teaching soda how to climb that tree last summer.❞

darry chuckled, shaking his head. ❝you’ve got a good memory.❞

it was true. she always remembered the little things — like how soda hated peas but loved mashed potatoes, or how ponyboy preferred books over ball games, or how two - bit had a soft spot for anything with a joke attached to it. she remembered how johnny flinched at loud noises and how steve’s bravado hid the fact that he just wanted to be seen.

and then there was dally, the wild card. even he softened around her, though he’d never admit it outright.

when the curtis parents had passed, y/n had stepped in as naturally as breathing. she was there to help darry when he didn’t know how to balance keeping a roof over their heads and making sure soda and pony still had a childhood.

at the same time, y/n had her own family to care for. her brothers needed her just as much, if not more, and she often stretched herself thin trying to be everything for everyone. but she never complained. it wasn’t in her nature.

later that evening, the boys were sprawled out in the curtis living room, the air filled with lazy conversation and laughter.

y/n sat on the couch, her legs tucked neatly under her, a half-mended shirt in her lap. two - bit leaned against the armrest, grinning as he recounted some exaggerated story, while soda rested his head in her lap, contentedly half - asleep.

❝y/n,❞ ponyboy said suddenly, looking up from his book. ❝why don’t you ever get mad at us?❞

the room quieted at his question, all eyes turning to her. she paused, her fingers stilling on the needle and thread.

❝mad?❞ she echoed, tilting her head.

❝yeah,❞ pony continued, his brow furrowed. ❝you’re always so nice, even when we mess up.❞

y/n’s smile was soft, almost wistful. ❝it’s not that i don’t get upset, pony. it’s just … i know how hard life can be. for all of us. sometimes, kindness is the only thing that keeps us going.❞

johnny, who rarely spoke up, murmured, ❝you’re real good at that, y/n.❞

❝at what?❞ she asked gently.

❝at making things better,❞ he replied, his voice barely above a whisper.

the room fell into a comfortable silence after that, the kind that only existed between people who truly cared for one another.

as the night wore on, y/n gathered her brothers to head home. charlie was half - asleep, leaning against her side, while matteo walked ahead, his hands shoved into his pockets. darry walked them to the gate, his hand resting lightly on the small of y/n’s back.

❝you know, you don’t have to take care of everyone,❞ he said quietly.

y/n looked up at him, her expression unreadable for a moment before she smiled. ❝i know, darry. but someone has to.❞

❝besides, i want to.❞ y/n let out in a whisper.

he didn’t argue, because he knew she was right. but as he watched her walk away, her silhouette fading into the dark, he couldn’t help but feel a pang of worry. she gave so much of herself to others, and he wondered if she ever kept anything for herself.

❝take care of her, matt,❞ darry called softly to her brother.

matteo glanced back, his expression serious. ❝always.❞

© MINA LEIGH 2023 - 2024

. . . you’re here! darry curtis sodapop curtis ponyboy curtis

dallas winston johnny cade steve randle two - bit matthews

— HOUSE OF BALLOONS

written by mina leigh 𝜗᭪ , elliot fike 𝔁 m! reader | wc 2750

summary. you’re over at elliot’s house, alone without your sister & jules. he explains the complicated situation between the trio and as you vent out your pent up frustration about the revelation, elliot comes up with a way to calm you down, not that you were imposed.

labels. bennett reader, elliot’s kinda horny, he also gets touchy, mentions of reader nicotine smoking, angry makeouts, praising, hair pulling from both parties, angst, dubcon. VIEWERS DISCRETION ADVISED.

‧₊˚ ୨୧ mina speaks. i just needed to write something with elliot & male reader after remembering elliot admitted he fucked ❝ 4 to 3 ❞ guys when jules was interrogating him

you were in elliot’s bed, staring up at the ceiling, fingers fumbling with the buckle on your belt as elliot leaned back, reaching for your vape. the room was dimly lit, curtains drawn tight, suffocating any light that dared creep in. there was a weird tension between the two of you — not new, not entirely unfamiliar, but more pronounced now that it was just the two of you. no jules. no rue. just the silence, punctuated by the quiet hiss of the vape and the soft hum of a playlist neither of you really cared about.

elliot took a drag, his lips pressing against the cool metal, and exhaled slowly. the faint scent of nicotine and something sweeter hung in the air. he glanced at you, as you were still fidgeting with your belt but not really looking at him. elliot ran his tongue over his lower lip, hesitating for a moment before finally breaking the silence.

❝ hey, uh ... can i tell you something? but you gotta promise not to get mad alright? ❞ his voice was calm, lazy, but there was an undercurrent of something more. guilt, maybe.

you paused, your hands stilling on the belt, eyebrows knitting together. ❝ depends on what it is.? ❞

elliot took another drag, stalling. ❝ it's about rue.? ❞

the room seemed to grow colder instantly. your grip on the belt tightened instantly.

❝ what about rue? ❞

elliot sighed, sitting up straighter, letting the vape roll between his fingers. ❝ me, rue, and jules ... it's ... complicated. ❞ he glanced at you, observing your reaction, then pressed on. ❝ i mean, we've all kind of been messing around, you know? it's not exactly a secret.? ❞

you sat up too, your body suddenly tense, reaching into your pocket for your own vape. placing it on your lips, taking a long dab before exhaling sharply. ❝ what the fuck are you talking about, elliot? ❞ your voice was strained, irritation bubbling just under the surface.

elliot bit his lip, trying to figure out how to phrase it without making things worse.

❝ look, man, rue's your sister, i know that, but she's... she's been in a weird place, and jules — ❞

❝ jules? ❞ you cut him off, voice rising ❝ what the fuck does jules have to do with this? ❞

elliot looked away for a second, rubbing the back of his neck. ❝ it's not like ... like we planned it or anything. shit just happened. but ... they've been together, kinda ... and i've been there too.? ❞

you coughed, choking on nic, eyes wide with disbelief, ❝ are you fucking serious right now?? ❞

elliot leaned back, avoiding your gaze. ❝ i didn't mean for you to find out like this.? ❞

you then felt a surge of anger rush through you, your heart pounding in your chest as you reached out and grabbed elliot by the collar of his sweater, yanking him forward.

❝ so what, you just ... what the fuck, elliot? ❞

elliot didn't resist, didn't pull back. in fact, a slow, almost smug smirk spread across his lips. it was the kind of smirk that made your blood boil even more. elliot's eyes darkened, and he tilted his head, his voice low and teasing. ❝ you mad at me, y/n? ❞

you grit your teeth, pushing elliot back onto the bed. but elliot's smirk didn't fade. instead, it grew, like he'd just come up with the most brilliant idea. before you could even process what was happening, elliot surged forward, crashing your lips together in a heated, messy kiss. tasting strawberry ice gelato melting in your mouth.

for a second, you froze, caught off guard by the suddenness of it. but then, something snapped inside you, and you kissed elliot back with a fury that surprised even himself. elliot wasted no time, using the momentum to flip you both over so he was straddling your hips. his hands were everywhere — running up your sides, tangling in his hair, tugging just hard enough to make your breath hitch.

❝ fuck, ❞ you muttered against elliot's lips, your hands trailing finding their way under elliot's shirt, feeling the warm skin beneath. your mind was racing, anger and confusion mixing with something else, something you didn't want to name.

elliot's hands moved lower, toying with your belt buckle like it was some kind of game, his fingers brushing against your skin in a way that made you shiver. ❝ you're so tense, ❞ elliot whispered, his breath hot against your ear. ❝ you need to relax. ❞

you responded with a low growl, your hands gripping elliot's hips, pulling him down harder against you. the kiss grew more frantic, more desperate, and before you knew it, your fingers were tangling in elliot's hair, tugging hard enough to make elliot gasp into his mouth.

❝ you think you can fuck with my head like that and get away with it?? ❞ you muttered, your voice rough and low. elliot's smirk returned, but this time it was more breathless, more eager.

❝ is that what you think i'm doing? ❞ elliot's voice was teasing, but there was a challenge in his eyes.

you didn't bother answering. instead, you tugged elliot's hair again, harder this time, earning a low moan from him. you felt a strange sense of satisfaction at the sound, the power shifting between you, and for a moment, everything else seemed to disappear. the anger, the confusion, the betrayal - it all faded into the background as you lost yourself in the heat of the moment.

elliot's fingers fumbled with your belt buckle again, teasing, but you weren’t in the mood for games. you flipped him over once more, pinning elliot beneath you, your hands gripping the sides of elliot's face as you kissed him fiercely. you didn't feel the need to care about being careful or gentle — you just needed to feel something, anything, to drown out the whirlwind of emotions in his chest.

elliot's hands slid up your back, pulling you closer, and for a while, it was just you both. no words, no thoughts, just the raw, messy collision of your bodies and mostly your anger.

but then, just as suddenly as it had begun, it stopped. you pulled back almost forcefully, your chest heaving, your mind catching up with what had just happened. you stared down at elliot, who was lying beneath you, his lips swollen, his hair a mess from where you had pulled at it.

❝ fuck, ❞ you muttered, scrambling off the bed and running a hand through your own hair. what the hell had you just fucking done?

elliot sat up slowly, watching you with a curious, almost amused expression. ❝ you alright dude.? ❞

❝ no, i'm not fucking alright, ❞ you snapped, grabbing your jacket from the floor and shoving your vapes back in your front pockets, with trembling hands. ❝ i gotta get out of here.❞

before elliot could say anything else, you were already out the door, the sound of it slamming shut echoing in the empty house.

you didn't stop walking until you were outside, the cool night air hitting your face as you leaned against the side of the building, trying to steady your breathing. biting your now swollen lips almost making them bleed. still smelling elliot’s god damn attractive scent lingering around you. it was just so unfortunately intoxicating.

© MINA LEIGH 2023 - 2024

— COPYCAT

written by mina leigh 𝜗᭪ , cassie howard 𝔁 f! reader | wc 2250

summary. after cassie & nate’s so called relationship was called quits. you became nate’s new hot girlfriend. cassie being cassie did everything she could do to win nate back. from copying your hair & makeup, your fashion choices, and even the way you portrayed yourself. analyzing your every move.

warnings. mentions of jealousy, obsession, stalking, unwanted attention, emotional manipulation, internalized homophobia, unhealthy behavior.

‧₊˚ ୨୧ mina speaks. my first time writing a female character x reader. i wouldn’t call it wlw but maybe it could if you know what i mean. like just a girl obsessing over you! barely any dialogue by the way. CASSIE’S POV

i couldn’t stop looking at her. the way she looked at him. The way he looked at her. y/n wasn’t even trying— just laughing and being herself, nate’s hand on her lower back like it belonged there. the way he used to touch me.

there’s a tightness in my chest every time i see them together. like I can’t breathe, but I’m also addicted to watching. i hate it. but I can’t stop.

i stand at the edge of the party, my gaze darting between them. her hair is loose tonight, and i know that by tomorrow i’ll be doing the same thing. i’ll curl mine just like that. her outfit? It’s effortless, but it works. i’ll be ordering that exact top later.

it’s not that i want to be her. it’s that i have to be her. i have to understand why nate left me for her. what’s so special about her?

i know it’s pathetic. maddy would’ve tell me i’m insane, if she hadn’t completely cut me off after she found out about nate and i, and kat would probably give me one of her judgmental looks, but it’s not like i’m hurting anyone by copying her. it’s just a way to get nate’s attention back. to make him realize i can be what he wants — again.

i watch them for another second, the smile on y/n’s face curling into my mind, sinking deep into my thoughts. the way her lips look so perfect, a soft laugh falling from them as nate whispers something into her ear. his eyes trail her body, the same way they used to on me, but now they’re filled with this … desire that used to be mine.

beneath it all, it feels like she’s stolen everything from me. but i’ll get it back. as simple as that.

the first time i copied her hair, i saw nate look. just a glance, but it was enough. enough to make me think this wasn’t crazy. i could do this. if I could just be perfect, like her, he’d see it.

but tonight, watching them, i realize something feels wrong. different. It’s not just nate anymore. the more i stare at her, the more I feel this pull toward y/n herself. it makes no sense. i’m supposed to hate her. she’s the reason nate isn’t with me. she’s the problem.

but i can’t stop staring.

it’s not just her hair. or her makeup. it’s the way she carries herself. the confidence. the ease. i’m trapped in a cycle of fear and desperation. but she? she’s free. it’s slowly consuming me. at least i happen to be somewhat self aware.

that’s when i realize what it is — why i’m so obsessed. i’m not just jealous of her being with nate. i’m jealous of her. she’s everything i want to be. free, beautiful, confident … powerful. everything I’m trying to be.

and deep down … i know i don’t just want to be her. i want her to notice me. maybe if she did, i wouldn’t need nate.

the next day, i go all in. my hair, makeup, outfit — all styled exactly like hers. i even spent hours studying her instagram, her poses, her expressions. i have it all down. but it’s not just about nate anymore. i’m doing this for me. i want her to see me. to notice me the way nate notices her.

when i walk into the party later that night, i feel the buzz of attention immediately. people are looking at me, but i don’t care about them. i’m looking for her. and then i spot her, standing by the drinks with nate. her eyes sweep over the crowd, and i wait, holding my breath, until they land on me.

she stares.

it was only for a moment, but i saw it. and something in me snapped, change.

i walk up to them, my heart pounding in my chest. nate barely glances at me, but i don’t care anymore. it’s her i want.

❝ you look … familiar. ❞

she says it with a raised brow, a smirk playing on her lips, and my stomach flips. she noticed. she sees me.

❝ do i? ❞ i ask, my voice quieter than i mean for it to be, but she’s still looking at me. she’s really looking at me.

❝ almost like a mirror. ❞

my cheeks flush, but before i can say anything else, nate pulls her away, his hand on her waist, guiding her to the next room. but i catch the way she glances back at me over her shoulder.

for the rest of the night, i find myself watching her more than nate. she moves with such ease, completely oblivious to the way i’m hanging on her every move. her every smile. every word.

weeks pass, and the obsession only grows. i study her. every little detail. i spend hours scrolling through her photos, reading every post, learning her habits. i don’t care if it’s wrong. i need to understand her, to know her. i start showing up wherever I know she’ll be. parties, the mall, even the café she frequents.

one day, i see her sitting alone in a booth at a diner. i feel my heart racing as i sit down at the table across from hers, pretending to be engrossed in my phone, but really i’m watching her. her hair is pulled back today, and i make a mental note to try it the same way.

and then, she looks up and catches me staring. my heart stops.

❝ hey, cassie, right? ❞ she says, her voice casual, like it’s nothing, like i haven’t been stalking her for weeks.

i nod, my throat dry, and she smiles. she waves me over, and i feel my legs move before my brain can catch up.

❝ come sit, let’s talk. ❞

i don’t know what to say. she’s so calm, so … collected, and here i am, a nervous wreck. but as i sit across from her, i can’t help but feel like maybe this is it. maybe this is the moment she’ll understand me.

hours go by, and we talk about everything — nothing. she’s so easy to talk to. i feel like i could spend forever just sitting here, listening to her voice, watching her lips move. and then she says something that sends a chill down my spine.

❝ i know what you’re doing, cassie. ❞

my heart stops. i feel my breath catch in my throat, and for a second, i can’t speak.

❝ what are you talking about? ❞ i ask, trying to play it off, but my voice shakes.

she leans forward, her eyes locking onto mine, and suddenly it’s hard to breathe.

❝ i see you, i always have been. i’m not blind. i do find it very flattering though. ❞

i feel heat rise to my cheeks. i can’t look at her anymore, but i feel her eyes burning into me.

❝ i don’t know what you’re doing at all, but if you need a friend i’m always here. ❞

the words hang in the air between us, and for the first time, i realize what i’ve been chasing. it’s not nate. it’s her. it’s always been her.

i don’t know how long we sit there, just staring at each other. the world fades away, and all i can think about is her. how i want to be her, how i want to be with her. it’s all so confusing, but at the same time, it’s crystal clear.

❝ i guess i wanted you to notice me. ❞

her expression softens, and for the first time, i see her as more than just competition. there’s something about her that pulls me in, something i can’t ignore anymore.

❝ cassie, i noticed you a long time ago … ❞

© MINA LEIGH 2023 - 2024