Miracle Incoming

renfarber​:

“I don’t know,” she said honestly. There was no why. There was no reason. She’d had nine years to think of it (and many nights therein during which she thought of nothing else), and a couple of therapists thrown in, and all she’d learned was that she’d been scared. Of love, of being loved, of failure, of success… she’d just been terrified and overwhelmed by of all of it. 

“We were so young, Leo. And everyone was telling us that we couldn’t possibly be as sure about each other as we said we were. But I was sure. Even looking back now, I don’t see myself as some stupid kid who didn’t know what love was. I knew what it was, because we had it. It was real, and that was scary. I’ve never seen love work out well for anyone, so I guess I just… fucked it up. I wish I hadn’t.”

She winced slightly at his last words, as though physically struck by them, and was quiet for a moment. “I didn’t… decide to hurt you, that was never what I wanted. I know that I did, though, and I haven’t forgiven myself, so I can’t expect you to forgive me either. But… even if you hate me, we need to try to get along, right?”

-

He was completely enthralled by hearing the story of them from her perspective. Again an insight he never expected to have. She spoke of their love like some tangible and strong element. He had felt the same way. He was so sure of their love because he had been raised without it. Nothing had ever felt so potent or as sweet as his first taste of love with Serenity. He tried. Leo actively tried to fall in love like that again. He looked for the little things that made up Ren in other people. Vihana was actually someone he hadn’t expected. She was beautiful, kind, and took care of him. It was easy and simple because he never really was himself. Even now, she had no idea who he was. 

He groaned with a roll of his eyes. It wasn’t directed towards her. It was energy that he needed to push out. The whole situation they were in now compared to where they were years or even months ago was nothing like he had ever fantasized. He didn’t have the right to be tired of the ride that dipped and derailed from his choices. But he was. There was never a break unless he had numbed himself with his vices. He brought his elbows up on the table, he held his hands together and proceeded to tap his forehead on them. “Serenity,” he said, his eyes closed as he rested on his hands. “I don’t hate you. I can’t ever hate you. I just hate what you did. But I can’t exactly talk now, can I?” He questioned, lifting his head up to look at her once again. “I didn’t exactly get into the situation I am in now by being a good guy.” He said with the glint of calmed chaos in his dark eyes. He didn’t where his mood was going. The alcohol made his veins sting and his attention jump around. Though the weight of his problems just kept trying to follow behind him. He grabbed his glass again to get rid of it. “I’ll play nice if you will.” He said swirling the remaining contents in his glass.

Penn Badgley  as Joe Goldberg YOU | 1.05 Living With The Enemy

blakemadden​:

Blake was taking the metro Uptown at probably the busiest time of the day, which is hindsight was a mistake, because it was busy as hell. No one had offered her a seat so the woman was holding tightly onto one of the handles hanging from a ceiling strap with one hand and cradling her sizeable bump with the other. Trying not to fall asleep from the rhythmic rocking of the train carriage she made a point of looking around her with attentiveness she usually reserved for when she was frosting something intricate. Maybe some significant people watching would stop her from dozing off. Eyes flicking between the figures that were also in the carriage they were the usual rag tag bunch of New York City residents, in that there was nothing about any of them that was expected, which was what kept the city fun after all. When her eyes fell on Leo she didn’t even register that it was him at first, doing a significant double take, her eyes widening. This was not planned. “Leo…” she exclaimed, face going pale.

-

Once he made it to her, their surprised expressions were matched. He reached up and gripped on the yellow strap tighter now as his mind was running faster than the train that treatened to throw him off balance. “Blake,” he managed to choke out from his dry mouth. he focused on her pale hand on a sizable bump jutting from her hips. His mind couldn’t even think of the one word to describe what she was. There was no way. No way. His denial repeating like a prayer. His big eyes kept shifting from her face to her stomach. “Wh-wha-what’s?” he gaped unable to form a coherent question. “I just saw you-why-” he husked out. his mind then began to process in it’s usual selfish way, and the realization that it could be his began to formulate. 

xbhandri​:

@le0davis​

“Don’t you dare say anything. I don’t want to know. Just because you’re teaching my ex-husband how to act does not mean I want to know if he word vomited anything about our night together. Tell me everything.” Xavier quickly backtracked on what he was rambling about. “No, don’t tell me. I don’t want to know. Why is sex so good? Not with him. Okay, like, with him, but in general. I meant in general.” He scrunched his face with a small tilt to his head. Taking a sip of his drink, he tried to ignore the feelings instead. “So what about Broadway. What’s your dream role, lover boy?”

-

Leo laughed after Xavier went on a little tangent. His relationship between Nate was a completely different vibe than his with Xavier. with Nate, Leo was a teacher and felt such responsibilty with him. with Xavier, Leo was himself; the good and the bad fully. Xavier was the only one who knew everything. hell, xavier added fuel to Leo’s fire. “Sex is so good.” He agreed quietly with his body slack on the couch and his hand and a halful glass resting on his thigh. “Dream role?” He repeated and then proceeded to murmur himself as he thought about it. “Any male lead.” He answered but he felt it was too general. “Roger from RENT.” His heart answered. “That would be fucking sick.” His enthused, still just a simple theater kid underneath the full beard. 

Penn Badgley as Joe Goldberg You (2018 -)

being intuitive is just like... i don’t like this and no i will not elaborate

mood: joe goldberg

What was the most embarrassing thing that you’ve done for a friend?

"I don't remember, but I'm pretty sure it was for Xav."

@xbhandri

renfarber​:

She’d thought she’d be prepared for this. She’d thought that enough time had passed (what was it, almost a decade now?), and that she’d moved on, and she was over what had happened… but she wasn’t. She was smiling, looking at him now, because he looked so much like the boy she’d loved. She was smiling, but her heart had sunk, and her brain was so focused on his face that it forgot to remind her to breathe.

“No,” she said - too loudly for the quiet, echoing theatre, “no, please don’t go. It’s a good movie… I’ve heard. I haven’t seen it, but… that’s kind of the appeal.” Of course, she didn’t need to explain that to Leo. Anyone else on Earth, maybe, but this familiar-but-distant man, standing in shock ten feet from her, giving her almost the same expression he had the last time she’d seen him… he already knew. He knew her love of new things, new experiences, new places, new people. He’d loved that about her once. And it had hurt him in the end.

When she finally remembered how to move, she made her way toward him. Slowly, gingerly, like he were a wild animal or a broken bird, and might either attack or flee if she moved too suddenly. She would deserve both, she knew, even if it had been ten years. But selfishly, she just wanted to see him.

The lights went down, and the projector came on, and they were still standing, staring, closer now but still unsure of each other. “Will you stay?” Ren whispered.

-

Her loud protest to him leaving echoed tremendously. It stopped him in his slow attempt to leave. And quite honestly it warmed him up a bit. It was a good surprise to know that she wanted him to stay and enjoy the film. He hadn’t seen it either, but he couldn’t find himself to speak up as he was grew overwhelmed and overstimulated by everything. He was at a crossroads of what to do. He knew had this meeting been less than the decade that passed he’d already be out the door. Hell, maybe even popcorn in her hair.

Leo’s feet stepped back once she began her approach towards him. He had only stopped when he remembered his drink on the ground. He was stuck between making a mess or allowing her closer. He went with the latter. It did offer him a chance to look at her better. Her hair was in braids, he’d never seen it styled like that before. He also noticed her tattoo collection had grown. When his own collection had diminished.

But it was different now. He was different. He had love coming at him from multiple hearts. Love that he had desperately wanted from just one heart, years ago. Hers. Did he still feel that way now? With his heart strings being pull down by someone on his phone and with broken vows he pretended to keep with his wife? The lights turning down and glow of the hazy film lit the room. It shown upon her face in such a familiar way. He would usually stare at her in this light to watch her reaction when they shared this pastime. He blinked and answered her wordlessly, by sitting back down in his seat. His eyes never moved off of her. He just kept looking at her with an air of anticipation. It took him a bit too long to let it go and turn his head to the screen. He began to become too aware of his own breathing as he felt the side of body she was at heat up. He parted his lips to say something but quickly closed it to focus on the film. But just a moment later, he did once again.

blakemadden​:

Leo’s eyes danced across her features as she grew flustered at his question. It gave him much more of an answer than her words did. She did want sex and he knew how insatiable appeitie was months ago. Leo could only conclude that her ache now was far more potent. His, on the other hand, was as feveret as ever and leading the way for his actions as always. And it enjoyed the hell of that blush on her cheeks. Oh how he wanted to see her with that blush, sweaty, and throughly debauched because of him. “Makes sense. But I could have enjoyed having the option.” He stated simply, but letting it go. There was no way to reverse the clock now. Just like he didn’t have a foot to stand on when she ended things between them.

“No, not here.” He replied, smiling a bit of her utter willingness to give into him. He glanced at the people who surrounded them. He didn’t recognize anyone and just knew they were surrounded by a variety of what the city had to offer. “As colorful as this city is, I doubt they’d all consent to be part of our... games.” His voice wrapped around the last word with infliction that let her know exactly what was flashing through his mind. Her naked and entangled with his nude body, both of them building up to release. His eyes were heavily upon her face and Leo finally dared to place an arm around Blake. it stretched across her lower back, supporting her the way he should have earlier as she leaned on him. He was finally touching her kindly as he should have. A complete one-eighty to the man he had been minutes before. “Do you know if your roommate is home?” He questioned as his began to move across the fabric of her clothes. “You could certainly beg there. You have plenty of times before.” He said and a small smirk curved the corners of his mouth.