A Cinderella Story (2004) Dir. Mark Rosman

renfarber​:

Ren was playing this Escape The Ex game on expert mode, and she had to say, she was killing it. She knew it wasn’t sustainable; both she and Leo would be in Blake and Mira’s lives forever if all went well - and forever was a very long time to avoid someone. But for now she was expertly avoiding seeing him, and thinking about him, and thinking about anything at all. So it was working.

She was on her way home from work now, and Max was at her mom’s, and she was looking forward to a rare bit of quiet alone time when she got back. She had her headphones on, and her favorite Strokes album playing, and all in all it was looking like a great day. Until she saw who was sitting on the steps of her building. Her stomach dropped and she stopped in her tracks, and even though he’d seen her now, she was still thinking about turning and running away.

But, she knew, this was hard on him too. He’d brought it on himself, and on her, and on Blake, but it wasn’t as though he’d been the only one. If Ren or Blake had just been honest with each other and mentioned Leo’s name once during their friendship, all of this could have been avoided. Secrets caused this mess. Maybe talking would fix it.

Still, there was a bit of nervous anger in her voice when she finally spoke, pulling her headphones down around her neck. “What do you want, Leo?”

-

Once he saw her, he got up from his seat, keeping himself in between her and her door. “Serenity, I-” Leo began to say but was cut off by her question. He brought his palms up for a second before settling his arms back down at his sides. It was his poor attempt at showing she had nothing to be afraid of, even though him showing up in front of her home uninvited wasn’t already unnerving. “I just want to see you, to talk to you... I feel like there’s much to be said between us.” He said, his gaze never leaving her face. He missed her so much already it was ridiculous how these past several days felt longer than their decade apart. “I-I understand if you don’t want to talk to me, but I had to try one more time Ren.” Leo stepped one step closer to her but then also to the side, giving her a choice to talk to him or just close the door on it forever.

mood: joe goldberg

joey teaching an acting class

Penn Badgley The Birthday Cake (2021), dir. Jimmy Giannopoulos

Penn Badgley on Instagram

renfarber​:

“I don’t know,” she said honestly. There was no why. There was no reason. She’d had nine years to think of it (and many nights therein during which she thought of nothing else), and a couple of therapists thrown in, and all she’d learned was that she’d been scared. Of love, of being loved, of failure, of success… she’d just been terrified and overwhelmed by of all of it. 

“We were so young, Leo. And everyone was telling us that we couldn’t possibly be as sure about each other as we said we were. But I was sure. Even looking back now, I don’t see myself as some stupid kid who didn’t know what love was. I knew what it was, because we had it. It was real, and that was scary. I’ve never seen love work out well for anyone, so I guess I just… fucked it up. I wish I hadn’t.”

She winced slightly at his last words, as though physically struck by them, and was quiet for a moment. “I didn’t… decide to hurt you, that was never what I wanted. I know that I did, though, and I haven’t forgiven myself, so I can’t expect you to forgive me either. But… even if you hate me, we need to try to get along, right?”

-

He was completely enthralled by hearing the story of them from her perspective. Again an insight he never expected to have. She spoke of their love like some tangible and strong element. He had felt the same way. He was so sure of their love because he had been raised without it. Nothing had ever felt so potent or as sweet as his first taste of love with Serenity. He tried. Leo actively tried to fall in love like that again. He looked for the little things that made up Ren in other people. Vihana was actually someone he hadn’t expected. She was beautiful, kind, and took care of him. It was easy and simple because he never really was himself. Even now, she had no idea who he was. 

He groaned with a roll of his eyes. It wasn’t directed towards her. It was energy that he needed to push out. The whole situation they were in now compared to where they were years or even months ago was nothing like he had ever fantasized. He didn’t have the right to be tired of the ride that dipped and derailed from his choices. But he was. There was never a break unless he had numbed himself with his vices. He brought his elbows up on the table, he held his hands together and proceeded to tap his forehead on them. “Serenity,” he said, his eyes closed as he rested on his hands. “I don’t hate you. I can’t ever hate you. I just hate what you did. But I can’t exactly talk now, can I?” He questioned, lifting his head up to look at her once again. “I didn’t exactly get into the situation I am in now by being a good guy.” He said with the glint of calmed chaos in his dark eyes. He didn’t where his mood was going. The alcohol made his veins sting and his attention jump around. Though the weight of his problems just kept trying to follow behind him. He grabbed his glass again to get rid of it. “I’ll play nice if you will.” He said swirling the remaining contents in his glass.

closed starter: @averydawson​ where: avery’s apartment

“Aaaaay...” Leo’s voice drawled out the first syllable of Avery’s name. He repeated the vowel from his seated position in front of Avery’s apartment door. His posture was slack against the wood. His muscles so loose with the amount of alcohol he had consumed to rid himself of his guilt. It took sixteen shots to do so. He repeated the vowel again meaning to be louder but instead reached a much higher pitch. It reminded him of a song a particular song from the sixties called, Sherry by Frankie Valli & the Four Seasons. He tried to reach the falsetto once again using Avery’s name in place of Sherry’s as he began to sing the song. “Aaaaa-AAA-ver-yyyy, can you come out tonight?” He practically screech sang in the empty hall. 

What’s your favorite type of book or movie?

"Favorite type of movie would be anything old and different. I like to see those old school movies that no one cares for today. Especially the sci-fci ones."

One Hundred and One Nights (1995)

Penn Badgley as Rex Here Today (2021), dir. Billy Crystal