Do Not Fool Yourself Into Believing That Cutting Ties With People Who Do Not Meet Your Criteria Of Living

This morning, my therapist shared this really useful hack and I feel like it could be useful to share: it is the pie chart method.

Essentially, it is a great tool to identify the behaviours, situations and events that caused a certain effect, in order for you to truly understand what really happened.

You simply draw a circle, identify the circumstances that caused the outcome and give each situation a percentage of its influence on the outcome.

For example: you bake a cake but it turns out horribly. It could be that 45% of the fault could be given to the oven that has malfunctioned, 30% to the wrongly calculated measurements of the ingredients, and 25% of your inexperience baking a cake. In the end, you will realise that it may not be your fault, and therefore you should stop being so angry at yourself.

Disclaimer: sometimes the fault could be given to you. This is a useful method for those of you who may constantly be harsh to yourselves.

THIS!!! I truly do not understand how my post was seen as out of touch or irrational. How is loving yourself enough to realise what or who is holding you back in your life an awful advice? I suppose the post may sound pretentious or a suggestion to create a fake perfect persona, but I did not meant it in that way.

My original post was intended for those who may struggle with certain aspects of their lives that are causing them unease, discomfort, anxiety and, in general, a bad feeling. I meant it as an encouragement to “curate” those aspects, especially those in your control.

Many wonderful people have added truly insightful comments to the post and I encourage everyone to read them, as they worded my true intentions wonderfully. I am truly grateful to those who have shared them, as I always am pleased to hear others experiences and perspectives when it comes to something that we may have in common.

Curate everything.

Curate your hygiene routine, curate your clothing items, curate your home, curate your habits, curate your nutrition, curate your environment, curate your circles, curate you socials, curate the content you consume, curate your social skills, curate your financial situation, curate your emotions, curate the version of you that shows up in public, curate your hobbies, curate your knowledge.

u really do have to forgive yourself

me when i do things that feel inconsequential and small to improve my life even though it feels hopelessly fucked beyond repair because for me giving up is way harder than trying but they actually work and my life slowly and surely gets better and i reap the delayed but plentiful rewards of my choices and i realize that a better life is built by making thousands of these little choices especially when it feels like they don’t matter

Truly well said, I really appreciate this advice!! If consumed, such content must be consumed in moderation and intentionally.

Unpopular opinion, but the moment I stopped listening to videos from self improvement channels like TheWizardLiz or Simonesquared is the moment I started improving.

There is absolutely nothing wrong with them, as I find some of their advices truly helpful, but consuming their media equals to trying to search to further “how to do x, y, z”, when in reality you are once again stopping yourself from doing better (or something at all).

The prettier, smarter, talented, put together, well groomed you are, the smaller your dating pool gets. Majority of the time, you’ll get approached by absolute dodos who think they’re in your league but they fail to do so. And you go for these men because they make you laugh or whatever. Then these kind of dodos get even more ridiculously confident because a pretty 10/10 girl thinks they’re the shit. And then they start acting up. 

Very rarely will you come across a man who is intellectually competent and on the same level/ greater level as you. However, you might push this one away because he may not fit the bill with other things, often superficial.

Date men that are only a part of your intellectual and emotional intelligence league or greater. Never, ever date down. If he’s not wealthy but has the potential to be - and is actively putting in that work - then consider him. 

Something you believe?

You have to put yourself in proximity to privilege.

Taller than me, richer than me, CHALANT, funny, manly, great sense of style, intelligent, pretty, smells good, kisses the floor I walk on, profound personality.

Academic advices from a (non american) law student.

Premise: I feel the urge to underline the fact that I am not American nor attend any university in America due to the fact that most tips and tricks I found, coming from Americans, were scarce in terms of concrete application. If you found them to be useful, then I am more than glad. All I wish to do is to share different experiences and approaches to the university world that are maybe differing from the usual content.

I. “Time restricted” spaced repetition: the great majority of the subject in my curriculum are quite complex and portray a large number of complex topics, Latin terms, and regulations that are specific. What I suggest here is to write down in a fun colour (to me it is red) the words, terms, names and phrases that are difficult for you to remember. We are not born all knowing, and some terms can be, at first glance, peculiar or unusual. That is completely normal. Therefore, write down anything that you may struggle to remember and every day, you do your best to recall those specific terms, and over the span of even two days you will most likely incorporate even the most difficult words.

II. Repeat out loud: in my university, we do not have written exams. Therefore, practicing your speech for the exam is fundamental for us. However, even if your exams are not oral, explaining out loud subjects helps you remember them better (even if you give a look to your notes from time to time). Do this from day one of preparation. My favourite way of doing so is to repeat everything when outside, while on a walk or at a cafe.

III. Mental connections: chances are, some topics will be repeated in different ways in the same subject. For instance, the concept of inter-subjective laws was discussed three times in this one course, and each time a different aspect was discussed. What I am suggesting is that, when a particular topic or word comes up often, you force yourself to do two things: first, you do a repetition exercise in which you repeat where and when was that topic already mentioned, and second, you differentiate between the two. Why are they different, how are they different and in what ways they are similar.

IV. During the lectures: our professors do not record lectures, nor do they use any platform to “stream” them. If it is possible for you, attend the lectures! Take careful notes and correct them right away, after the lectures has finished! Ask those questions, no matter how “silly” they may be! The professor is right there for you, so you might as well use the opportunity to enrich your knowledge.

V. The notes: print them. Not only will your eyes thank you, but I find studying from paper more effective and it is easier to focus. Call me a grandma, but that is the truth. And if correcting some parts is the reason you prefer digital, try to simply cover the parts tg at you wish to rewrite eight plain paper and write the correction on it. This way the topic will be easier to be remembered.

VI. Audiobook: this may sound unusual, but listening to your notes can be quite beneficial. Due to me being a student, I have free access to the Microsoft package: world has this “read aloud” feature, and I play the audio during the night. The subconscious mind is much more powerful than what you may think of it.

VII. Grades: obviously we all aim for the greatest grades, but often the way we are graded may be out of your control. Sometimes you may get sick right before the exam, sometimes the examiner may be irritated and got up already upset with the world, sometimes we could have given better performances. It happens, and it will inevitably make you feel awful and out of place: please, remember to be kind and gentle with yourself. It will be better the next time, but in that moment remember that you are never alone. If you do not wish to talk it out with someone, ask ChatGPT. It really gives comfort and great advices in moments of frustration and disappointment. Do not ruin your life for a temporary moment.

Hello everyone,

I am Samah,I am 34 years old from Gaza, but I am married in Egypt. I used to live in EgyptI have two twin children who are now two years old.

I went to Gaza to visit my family two months before the war, but unfortunately I was detained there with my family. I could not return because the travel coordination is very expensive. My children and I live a very difficult life. We suffer a lot. We were forced to flee several times and I lived in tents. I cannot provide the most basic needs for my children. Now I want to return to my husband, but I cannot return because of the difficult financial conditions. We are suffering here with everything from water, food, and cold. When I came to Gaza, I did not bring many things with me. I had to buy some clothes, but they have become very expensive. Please help me and my children survive. Please help me get out and return to my husband. I trust you and your generosity.

Chuffed

Save Samah's Family From the Palestinian Genocide

I'm a New Yorker fundraising for my friend Samah. Here is her story: