The Soft Courage And Freedom That Darkness Brings

Butterflies, spinning in celestial delight, over arches

Crumbling and old, divinity longs for the brush of a

Whispering wing. A Darkening sky looms over the cathedral

Of locked bolts, standing tall and stalwart.

Footfalls echo down the hallways of buried thought,

Love lies dreamlessly in a flower wreathed coffin.

A hand gently runs down the jar of forgotten myth,

“Elpis”, the walls softly echo, “You should have

left when you could Have”. The dead roses you

fear are tucked away in the spandrels of memory,

The night is dark and beautiful,

The butterflies linger, will you too?

September is a pretty month, with its pale blue skies overlaid with gold and rose, while hazy clouds of a darker grey float dreamily about the edges.

cognitive functions brainstorm (Ti and Te)

ps: you'll probably identify yourself the most if one of them is your dominant or auxiliary function.

Ti (introvert thinking) user - internal logic; "what makes sense to me?"; "does that makes sense to me?"; "but what makes sense after all?"; "nothing makes sense"; nihilism; overthinking; existential crises; existentialism; rationalism; "i think, therefore i am"; "i am my thoughts"; realising you're not your thoughts; "i am my intellect"; intellectual; perceived as intelligent and brilliant; logical-mathematical intelligence; linguistic intelligence; existential intelligence; "the meaning of life is knowledge"; know-it-alls; knowledge is everything for them; knowledge seeker; knowledge just for the hell of it; walking encyclopedias; "if i could live forever i would read all the books and articles i want"; have a hard time accepting mistakes because if they are so damn smart why the hell they could overlooked something?; learning to acknowledge that they know that they know nothing.

"why humans don't make sense?"; "i make sense". then over analyses oneself; analytical; perceives incongruencies and inconsistencies easily; pointing out incongruencies and inconsistencies; people often feel attacked when they make these apparently harsh observations; observant; truth seeker; "why i don't make sense?"; feeling like a fraud when their own incongruencies and inconsistences comes out; impostor syndrome; pointing out their own incongruencies and inconsistencies; self-deprecating; self-deprecating humor; "i want someone i can have a mind connection with"; "i don't want a soulmate, i want a mindmate"; mind over matter; mindgames.

debater; opinionated; "why is everyone so dumb?"; "why no one asks me what i think more often?"; intellectual loneliness; existential loneliness; self discussions; "i like to talk with smart people that's why i talk a lot with myself"; cares too much about what themselves thinks about themselves; have their own personal beliefs whether were created or enhanced by themselves; prone to believe in conspiracy theories; have their own systems and way of doing things; slow thinkers; slow doers.

Te (extrovert thinking) user - external logic; what makes sense externally; evidences; data; facts; perceived as rational; perceived as someone who always get their shit together; competent; efficient; getting shit done; people turn to you to help them do their shit; feeling overwhelmed because of your tasks and the tasks of others.

"why is everyone so incompetent?"; "if you want a thing done well, do it yourself."; perfectionist yet in a hurry to get things done; thinking out loud; "what do you think?"; "what do you think of me?"; my name's blurryface and i care what you think; "i want you to think high of me. that's why i have this credential and this credential, and this one and this other...".

straightforward; "i say what i mean and mean what i say"; self-confident; perceived as confident even if they don't feel like; people turn to them to make decisions; leader; boss; bossy; only with their posture, they command respect; leader posture; people often fear them; resting bitch face; people expect them to make the first move. ALWAYS.; "it is tiring sometimes to be the only one who always takes the first step".

"don't waste your time. don't waste MY time"; so good with deadlines; get pissed off when an employee or colleague don't meet the deadlines; "there's a time for everything"; schedules and timetables; organized; controlling; fast thinkers. fast doers; their motto is "just do it"; "you better think fast"; "what's the point?"; "go straight to the point, please"; objective.

their mind is always setting goals; ambitious; hardworking; workaholics; they are always doing something and/or thinking of doing something; checklists; pragmatic; "knowledge needs to be applied in reality otherwise it is useless"; the urge to be useful; it is hard to rest for them; it is hard to do nothing; abhors idleness; hates being sick because they need to rest and do nothing; procrastinate, as everyone in this burnout society, but their procrastinations just occurs every now and then. too goal oriented for that.

"i am my work. i am the work i do. that's why the work needs to be perfect and done as quickly as possible"; no time to die; realising you're not the work you do.

The invisible ropes of twilight cling gently to the new dawn, the gates of heaven are barred. “Exile is sweet”, uttered the wind. “For whom?” “Everybody”, she answers with a smile. “Liberty”, she mused, “what is it…?”Hesitation. Tentative reply. “Freedom to call your spirit your own.” “And how is it to be obtained?” Silence. “ Answer me young woman, how is one to go about purchasing liberty?” Murmurs. “I do not think you can.”Wonder. “Nature”, she suddenly said, “The answer to be found in nature, is it not?” Uncertainty. “Perhaps” “Are fetters to be hailed?”, she presses. Quick answer. “No” Laughter. “Break them then” Perplexed. “You despise your chains, yet revere them. What is it that you want child?”, She teasingly asks, wounding her slender fingers around a flyaway rose. Exclaims in despair, “I don’t know.” Laughter again. “Nobody really does I suppose”, she said, more to herself than to anybody else. “Why do you seek freedom?” “Liberation of the mind and soul is the object of life.” “Very well,” she said, “Liberty you seek and Liberty you shall have”. And thus cast the ascending sun it’s first rays on the mischievous interrogator and the exiled one.

I have come to a conclusion, after mulling it over for a while, that happiness has been been cast off and melancholy embraced perhaps not because of the evil and dark being more beckoning, nor is it because of the naivety associated with joy, though perhaps this might be one, for effervescence is so often confused with gladness that it is no surprise that it is seen to be foolish, but because it has become now that stillness and silence are symbolic of melancholy, while happiness is characterised by permanent high-spirits. Contemplation and reflection are few things that bring inner tranquility, for many it is the source of peace. Thus for some any absence of continuous childlike behaviour becomes sadness and for the others any presence of natural laughter and to not always be lost in a maze of cluttered thoughts becomes immaturity. I’m somehow both of these people.

𝙼𝚊𝚢 𝟸𝟾, 𝟷𝟿𝟷𝟶
 𝚃𝚑𝚎 𝙳𝚒𝚊𝚛𝚒𝚎𝚜 𝙾𝚏 𝙵𝚛𝚊𝚗𝚣 𝙺𝚊𝚏𝚔𝚊, 𝟷𝟿𝟷𝟶-𝟷𝟿𝟷𝟹

im really bad at conversations sorry if ive ever talked to you

smokeinsilence / sightofsea / young love by bts / nizar qabbani / abeba birhane / the waves by virginia woolf / franz kafka letters to milena / ratsandlilies.art / the butterflys burden by mahmoud darwish / underneath the stars by mariah carey

Sit with me in my bedroom when it is dark outside and quiet within, and you will see a part of myself put away with a July sunset years ago. I will reluctantly explain what psychic continuity and the human conception of personhood is to me, as chance reflections slip out, like the confusing threads of reason that circle my opinions. What intellect, as percieved, means to conciousness and dignity, the weight of insignificance to love on the soul, of eternity and chaos, of the infinite and the fractal. We will hold hands under my broken lamp and fly where angels are too afraid to soar. up, up, up, until we look god in the eye. The self and linear time will fall apart as toys in the hands of a child who has glimpsed what truth is. 

In the incomprehensible maze of personhood, somewhere in me there is a tangle whose causal knot is you.