A letter I’ll never send…
I love you. You are my best friend and I’ve never loved anyone like I love you. And each day I continue to fall more in love with you, the more I realize how you’re slowly pulling away. But it’s because you don’t love me the way I love you. Because I am not her. You don’t love me the way you loved her. You gave her the random “I love you” texts and the endless phone calls because you missed her voice. You posted her on Instagram and surprised her with flowers when you knew she was having a bad day. You weren’t hesitant to show your love and hold her when she needed it. I want that. You tell me you just never want to fall that hard for someone again because it was unhealthy, but I know it’s because I’m not her. I want the endless phone calls and random “I love you” texts. I want to be surprised with flowers and be held when I’m having a bad day. I want more than anything to be her. Because you are my him. You are the one I will never forget, you are the one that everyone else will be compared to. In my eyes, you are my everything. But in your eyes, I’m just temporary.
“Unless you’ve crawled inside someone’s skin and felt the words that claw away at their throat and suffocate them during the night, you have no right to tell anyone to get over it or that they shouldn’t be upset.”
— Unknown // I believe that more people should think like this.
“I’m afraid to love you. I’m afraid that you’ll leave and that I’ll go back to being alone again. Only it will be a hundred times worse because I’ll know what I’m missing. …I want to be able to love you more than I fear losing you, and I don’t know how. Teach me… Please teach me. Don’t let me destroy this.”
— Mia Sheridan
I never really understood why kissing was such a big deal. But then you kissed me. And oh boy, I never wanted to stop. Feeling the sparks through my entire body, that feeling was surreal. I could do that for days and days on end. You tasted so good, kissing you was one of the most addictive things I’ve ever done. But now you aren’t here to kiss me. You’ve got me wishing that we’d never kissed.
What if nobody makes my heart flutter the way you did?
“I’ll never cry in front of you. I’ll never tell you how I feel. I’ll never wear my heart on my sleeve. I’m not an open book. My walls will always be up and guarded. I won’t tell you how I fight with myself about you, about how I shouldn’t want you, about how you’ll break my heart if I give mine to you. I won’t tell you how my heart constricts at the thought of you leaving me. I’ll never show you how scared I am of this… Of you… Of us. You’re real. You’re everything I want, and nothing is certain. Everything is blurred and we walk on this thin line between reality and fantasy. You’re a dream and a nightmare. I find peace in you when everything else is chaos. I don’t know what this is and that uncertainty scares me but maybe just maybe if I stay around, you will too.”
— 2:31 AM thoughts
“I only want two things in this world. I want you and I want us.”
—
I’m a murderer