Kians-blog2 - * 𝓫𝓸𝔂 𝓶𝓮𝓮𝓽𝓼 𝓮𝓿𝓲𝓵...

MINJI: and what about it ?? MINJI: pls don’t say shit like that it would be like fucking my own bro and i don’t swing that way MINJI: he’s my best friend, not that it matters to you

KIAN: don’t be mean especially when i’m nothin but nice to u KIAN: oh ya? how come u don’t come hang at our dorm with us then? KIAN: seems like the makings of a threesome to me  KIAN: ofc it matters to me! any friend of junnies is a friend of mine 😇

seojvns‌:

“i wouldn’t wanna share such a special moment when anyone else,” he teases, but despite the playfulness in his tone, he means it. whenever kian gave seojun any bit of his attention, it felt like a privilege, and he never knew how long it’d last. he assumed that’s why kian left for days at a time. out of boredom. “must be,” he responds with a grin, listening to his words as he continued, agreeing with each word that he said. “i feel bad for the people who choose to let it stop them,” he mumbles in response, thankful that he’s not one of them. “do you ever think you’ll fall in love? like the kind of love that’s in movies?” he questions, the childish question leaving his lips before he can even think about stopping himself. “it’s just,” he feels his cheeks warm, “sometimes i wonder if it’s all made up, or if there really is love like that out there. it’s stupid, i know, but,” and now that he’s started rambling he can’t seem to stop, “i’m really afraid that i’m gonna be alone forever.” his voice is soft, his words barely above a whisper. he shifts a bit when kian questions him. “i don’t know,” he scrunches his nose, “i guess if it were late, like it is now, and no one was around…” he muses, but he shakes his head slightly. “seems risky though,” and if there was anything jun hated, it was getting in trouble. “umm,” he takes a moment to think about it before answering, “probably in a bathroom at a party?  maybe? i’m not… a very adventurous person… in that way…” his words are slow and sheepish. “but, uh, what about you? i bet you have lots of crazy places.”

kian smiles at seojun as he speaks, giving him his undivided attention. “i’m so glad we’re roommates.” he voices. “i really thought i’d end up getting stuck with someone awful, but i got lucky. more than lucky.” he says. but something sort of shifts in the air when the boy asks him about love. kian doesn’t believe in love because it’s never existed in his life and he doesn’t think it ever will. but he can’t just throw out that kind of pessimism when seojun believes him to be this optimistic, nice boy. so, as always, he just tells him what he knows he wants to hear deep down. “yeah, of course.” he whispers with a nod. “maybe it’s childish to believe in such a thing, but i do. i can’t help it.” he explains, reaching over to take seojun’s hand in his own. he gives it a gentle squeeze, sending him a soft look despite the fact that he probably can’t see it. “you don’t need to worry about being alone forever, junnie.” he assures him. “you’re amazing, truly. anyone should be honored to be with you. i mean, you’re funny, nice, cute, compassionate, attentive— you literally have all the qualities that those boys in those romantic films have. except, you know, you’re actually real.” he smiles, giving the other’s hand another gentle squeeze. he lets out a breath through his nose, rolling his eyes playfully, as he pokes seojun in the side. “that’s why it’s fun. because it’s risky.” he points out. “bathroom at a party, huh? how very nineties.” he teases. “actually, i don’t.” he lies, averting his eyes as if he were embarrassed. “i’ve spent my whole life playing it safe. guess it’s hard to get out of that.”

seojvns‌:

when kian scoots closer, jun can feel the nervousness seep in. not in a sense that he’s genuinely nervous - as his roommate, he probably knows jun in a way most don’t. instead, it’s the kind of nervousness that leaves jun feeling a little lightheaded, and he shifts a bit closer anyway. wanting to see the pages was an excuse, but not the reason. “i’d like that,” he says, his tone soft as he considered the thought, and he was naive enough to think it was a genuine possibility. it’s difficult for him to concentrate on planning anything, in all honesty, and planning has never been a strength of jun’s to begin with. he keeps stealing glances at kian when he should be looking at the pages, but his focus keeps slipping. he laughs softly when kian knocks his feet into jun’s, and again once he complains about the quiet. “if you didn’t want quiet, this is the worst place you could’ve picked,” he teases. he barely notices that the page turns, his attention on kian almost entirely now. as soon as he considers jun, and what he wants, he’s thrown off. “oh, uh…” it’s almost as though he’s not asked about what he wants very often. “i think camping would be fun,” he answers, on his side now as he faces kian. “just… getting lost in the woods somewhere,” he adds with a sheepish smile. 

“camping?” he quirks a brow, genuinely interested. “i didn’t take you for the camping type.” he admits, propping his head up with his elbow. “it’s really not all that fun, but the company makes it better. see, camping with my family? worst possible decision. a fat zero out of ten. but, camping with you? definitely somewhere like an eight out of ten.” he teases with a smile. even though it’s almost completely dark aside from the flashlight, kian’s eyes have adjusted and, even through it, he can make out the planes of seojun’s face. “sounds like the setup to an extremely cliche horror movie.” he points out. “one that we wouldn’t survive because, one—” he holds up a finger, “we’re not white. and, two—” he holds up another, “we’re not straight. those would both get us axed in the first ten minutes.” he explains, a certain glint in his eye that’s hidden by the darkness. “or, well, i guess i can only speak for myself. maybe you’re exclusively into girls. i dunno.” he shrugs, settling onto his back again as he reopens the book. “for all i know, you could be living a double life; fucking girls right here on this table in the library.” he says, breathing a light laugh through his nose.

stcrliqhts‌:

there he was, gorging on his third funnel cake with absolutely no regret. the mix of his body issues and manon’s death had brought out his emotional eating side – strong. “delicious.” he hummed, licking the powdered sugar from his fingertips before his gaze rose, locking on someone quite familiar. “oh, uh, hey.” he muttered, quickly grabbing a napkin to wipe himself off before he moved further down the bench to make room for them. “enjoying yourself?”

“not really.” he sighs, slipping into the seat next to jisun with ease. the bench is large enough for the both of them to fit comfortably, but kian still settles up right next to him, their thighs pressed together. he likes to call it a test to see other people’s boundaries. “what about you?” he asks, not even asking for permission as he snatches a piece of the funnel cake from the plate. is it rude? yes. does kian care? not even a little bit. “why do you think these things are so good?” he suddenly questions, curiosity lacing his words. “i mean... it’s just bread and powdered sugar, right? it’s nothing.” he explains.

MINJI: how about you start acting as if you actually care about him, mh ?? junnie adores you for some reasons MINJI: do not call me babe, it’s making me sick MINJI: my morals are better than your … nonexistent ones

KIAN: ofc he adores me...... who doesn’t?? KIAN: right...... keep tellin urself that babe KIAN: nonexistent by whose standards? KIAN: i have my own set of morals

☆ — who : @anvya ☆ — when : november of 2017 ☆ — where : pugh hall dormitory

kian is in uncharted territory; everything is so new and unfamiliar. a part of him wants to run and never look back, but he can’t. annya keeps him grounded to the spot with some unseen magnetic force. but it’s all just so exhausting. it’s like he’s slipped into his facade, like he’s pretending, without doing so at all. the line between reality and the world he’s created is starting to blur and the cracks are starting to show. for once in his life, he’s scared of how it’s all going to end. “i’m gonna grab some more popcorn.” he says, removing his arm from behind her as he stands from the bed. he just needs a minute to breathe, to calm himself down. all they’re doing is watching a movie in her dorm, something completely normal, and he’s damn near having an existential crisis. grabbing the nearly empty bowl on the bedside table, he makes the short trek to the attached kitchenette and places it on the counter. he manages to keep his hands from shaking as he takes a bag of popcorn from the cabinet and tosses it into the microwave.

when the sound fills the room, he allows his eyes to close and lets out a breath he didn’t realize he had been holding. he and annya have been official for a couple of months now after initially meeting at freshman orientation, but it’s so incredibly different from anyone else that he’s dated that he wonders if he’ll even survive it. the most jarring revelation is that this isn’t a game to him for once. he actually doesn’t want to hurt her. and that’s terrifying, as sick as it sounds. when the microwave goes off, emitting the universal beep that signals the popcorn is ready, he pulls himself together and opens the door. his motions are robotic and even though he burns himself as he pours it into the bowl, he doesn’t even flinch. “this movie kinda sucks, huh?” he smiles as he rounds the corner back into the room. in truth, he hasn’t been watching it. he doesn’t even know what it’s about. “if there wasn’t a snowstorm outside, we could’ve actually did something fun.” he says.

he sets the bowl down in its previous place and leans over to give her a short kiss on the lips. “i guess i can deal though if it means spending time with you.” he states, internally cringing. he’s delivered that same line to a million other people, but it feels wrong doing the same to her. at least he means it this time.