Embarrassment Has Good Bones

I think it’s interesting that the people who most often benefit from violence against minorities are the first ones to be liek “erm violence isn’t the answer” as allies

thinking again about vampirism as disability

@storage_of_moments

Artem Rohovyi - Symphony of Branches gouache on paper

open.substack.com

WHO GETS TO BE A WEIRD GIRL?

on ‘weird girl’ fiction, microgenre, and the unbearable whiteness of weirdness + a rec list

Throughout history and in our modern society, women are supposed to be: thin, silent, chipper, happy, pale, dressed modestly but not too modestly, sexy but not too sexy, young, reserved, sane, able-bodied, fertile, mothering, selfless, humble, restrained, and, above all, white. She has to be a She, she has to be cis, she has to wear makeup and dresses, skirts; she cannot under any circumstances be described as smelly, loud, brash, dark, or crude. She cannot wrinkle, she cannot stink, she cannot cause a scene. A woman is always religious, a woman is always married or seeking to be married, a mother or hoping to be a mother. To stray from this path is to become weird. While I personally do not believe that any act that subverts the status quo makes one queer, I do think it makes you weird. There’s an honor to that, to stepping outside of the very thin, very pale line set by mainstream culture. To exist as one’s truest, boldest self, to exist as a human being with warts and farts and smells, to be unusual and to react with the madness, the anger that this world we live in inspires is brave. It is weird to be brave, and it is brave to be weird.

One thing that always strikes me as interesting about fandom is how institutionally conservative it is.

That's not to say that it's necessarily ideologically conservative (though I do see more than my fair share of misogyny, racism, ableism, acephobia, transphobia, imperialism apologia, fascism apologia, etc.), bur instead that fandom is broadly a community that privileges tradition and the status quo over change.

There is a veneration of the older Big Name Fans, particularly those involved in the creation of AO3. This often comes with the implication that they were faultless and pure of heart, and if they argue(d) for something, then it must be the right answer.

That ties into the originalist push that is often used to oppose changes to the community or to AO3 specifically--it was perfect in its creation, the original intents were entirely right and implemented correctly, and any change is a violation of that impeccable original design and so is bad. The old laws (Don't Like, Don't Read etc.) are also often still pushed as the law of the land, with limited conversation about new or updated cultural rules or norms.

There is also a strong implicit or explicit in-group mentality that I see, often also used to oppose change. Fandom is by women, for women, and any change must consider women first, last, and always. And if you are doing or asking for something that might impact women (specifically the women who are currently welcome in fandom), it's because of misogyny.

I'm generalizing, of course--fandom, like any other community, has a diversity of ideas and viewpoints. But I do wonder, if I asked people who consider themselves part of Capital-F Fandom whether they would support cultural or structural changes to the community or to AO3, how many would say yes.

palestinian civilians pictured in 'the spirit of palestine,' taken during a full scale uprising against the israeli occupation, c. 1987.

Hadal: 'love language' robe with an Arabic love poem by Palestinian poet Mahmoud Darwish embroidered onto the sleeve.

The poem reads:

قالوا: تموت بها حبـاًً، فقلـت لهـم. ألا اذكروها علـى قبـري فتحيينـي

English translation: They asked "Do you love her to death?" | said "Speak of her over my grave and watch how she brings me back to life."

art will save you, being unreasonably passionate about something niche will save you, letting past sources of joy show you the way back to yourself will save you, earnestness over composure will save you, the natural world will save you, caring for something bigger than yourself will save you, daring to be seen will save you, kindness not as a whim but a principle will save you, appreciation as a practice will save you, daring to try something new will save you, grounding will save you, love will save you, one good nights sleep will save you

told myself I’d take more selfies this year and yet..