One Thing That I Feel Is Really Interesting And Often Forgotten About Essek Is That Fundamentally, His

There's something so bittersweet, though, about 'Seth Domade', sorcerer and archivist of the Cobalt Soul.

Something about Seth being from a tavern family, a place where you'd be surrounded by laughter and life; no pretension, no expectations, no loneliness. Something about Essek's mother being an Umavi, and Seth's being an ordinary tavernkeep. 'My mother has never made Kraft cheese' vs 'my mother can stop time with her ale!' Something about Seth being a sorcerer, a class that just gets their talent and doesn't have to work and work and work to achieve more, until you've shut out everything else but your studies. Something about Seth being in the Cobalt Soul, where he'd always have peers and where all knowledge is shared.

Something, too, about Seth being a human from a humble family who realised he had arcane talent, and went off and studied and was happy. Something about Seth being a combination of the life Caleb should have lived, and the life Essek never could.

there's something so funny about how the early Nein talks like Fjord has a high charisma but only took intimidate and lie as his skills and also only talks when it's clear everyone else has fucked the situation so bad he has to step in. Jester, Molly, and Beau all have proficiency in lie but all three of them have +0/+1 to Charisma and prof bonuses aren't that great at early levels and also none of them will shut up. Sam has a negative to charisma and cannot stop trying to talk because he hasn't really registered that he's not Scanlan any more. Caleb has both a decent charisma and also has a proficiency bonus to lie but he really only uses it in PVP. the ONLY person who took persuade was Jester.

if you dont have me on facebook you are probably not missing out on any posts but the comment section is important too lmao

Honestly the fact that the other Assembly members are helping Ludinus is a surprise. But it also is kinda expected. He thrives in the viper’s nest, he always has. Even the Vanguard has tenuous relations and I doubt he has any misgivings about how that is. He’s been the head of the Cerberus Assembly for centuries, he knows backstabbing and undermining like the back of his hand. And Ludinus probably loves that shit.

Because truly he can’t handle genuine relationships. Sincere care or compliments. It’s why Jester throws him off so much. Because her smiles are real. Because her compliments are genuine and not backhanded.

The fake smiles and promises, the underhanded slights and backstabs is the world Ludinus moves like water through. He plays the political game so very well. Delilah, the charismatic witch, herself said it. Everyone knows Ludinus is a snake but they all fall for his traps anyway. But people like Jester throw him off because it breaks his world view. It breaks the idea that the world is dog eat dog all the time and you have to play this game to get yours. He rejects these genuine connections, romantic and platonic because “it’s beneath him”, but truly also because he can’t fathom the idea of those things meaning something real, having worth in a world in which those are all tools to manipulate and gain something from you, distractions from a larger goal.

The conversation he had with Essek is reframed in this light. It is not just that he thinks Essek gaining friendship is a distraction, makes him weak. It’s that he cannot see how a wizard similar to him can believe in such things. “Maybe you should try friends” was a sick burn but also there is this notion that Ludinus doesn’t get that. He doesn’t believe that is possible. True friendship isn’t something good or meaningful, it’s supposed to be a tool. In his mind Essek should have used the M9 to get further ahead.

Oh yes I do believe he does care for Liliana in some way. But it is also in the way that he needs her for his plans. Everything he does is framed around his goals, his needs. Because he cannot see relationships as anything but transactional. Subconsciously perhaps he desires deeper connections, but he will consciously bar himself from committing to such a thing because he has no faith in such a thing.

So yeah he is going to surround himself with people that hate him, people that he knows will backstab him at some point. Because he gets that. That’s familiar to him. He can deal with hatred and jealousy, but he can’t deal with genuineness.

spent way too long making a shadowgast propaganda slideshow for the tumblr ship poll….. EVERYONE GO VOTE NOW FOR THE BEST SHIP IN THE BRACKET!

So I just listened to the first ~40 minutes of c2e4 while doing somethings, just to get a headstart on tomorrow's (Today's, when I post this XD) episode. . . And I have a Many Post Ideas™ about but this one first.

(EDIT: Bsjsksk it was SUPPOSED to be first, but my schedules posts didn't work right - Please know I typed this up first XD)

!! Spoiler Warning for people who don't know PC Backstories/Caleb's History yet!!

Let's talk about Caleb talking to Toya in the boat.

Cause like, at first he's trying to get information (very wizard™ of him, imo, but also very 'on the run' wizard where knowing information and the keeping of certain strains of it are very important) - I feel this is not only to get a more full picture, but also to feel out how to proceed w/ Toya - How innocent is she in this? Was she mind-controlled? Was it more mundane manipulation?

He allows the others to explain the situation, he asks how she grew close to him after she says 'he was my friend'/the most emotional response thus-far in this point in the conversation, 'What did you talk about?', all with a sympathetic pained expression as he listens.

Alot of early-Caleb from what I've seen so far is trying to suss things out and decide best courses of action at almost every given turn - Carrying this on, his next part I feel is partly manipulation; The sympathy may be real to one extent or another, but what they/what he ultimately decides they need is for Toya to cooperate and I feel he's usin' that Charisma stat to try and secure her for that purpose (RIP that 6 tho XD)

This is all fun and good, but It's What he says at the start that brings me the most pause - He says, 'People we feel we know. . can be someone else.' - He continues on more towards manipulation, pushing gently to the forefront what he feels she needs to focus on (staying with the rest of the circus), but at that line I wonder. . .

What is he thinking about, when he says that? At first I stopped what I was doing and was like, '!!! His Parents? Does he mean his Parents??' Cause like, Yes, he knows now that those memories were false. . But still, it musta been something to 'realize' your parents were against the very country you are giving up so much to protect and serve.

But then I wondered. Is he thinking of his Parents, or perhaps Ickithon, who he thought of likely as a strict but ultimately Good teacher who also wanted the best for the Empire, wanted the best out of him for this noble cause?

Or was he thinking of himself, seen by his parents as their little spark, who was moving up in the world and loved them dearly. . . Only for him to mercilessly trap and burn them within the very home they raised him in?

Essek skyrocketing my pulse making me come out of my hiatus hole and sketch at 4:30 am

idk if anybody did this before

i am laughing at caleb and nott assuring each other that if things go sideways they'll be the first out the door, together, and nott says, "they'll never know who we were!" and caleb confirms, "caleb and nott" which is so hilarious in retrospect because THEY didn't even know who each other were. if they'd left? yeah, the others never would have known who they were. they only would have known caleb and nott, never veth and bren. and neither of them even know they're both using fake names yet