So I Got Home And My Brothers Friends Are Over And One Of Them Was Like “want A Pumpkin Spice Cookie

Dad: I'm dragon

Mom: dragon? I hardly know her?

I’m writing a Harry Potter au in my head. So far my favorite change is that There was no Battle of Hogwarts. Instead, a couple years later, when Harry in an auror, he gets an assignment to track down Voldemort. Since he’s so magic dependent when they find him the break his wand and set him on the muggle world. (This is before Hermione is in office). And a couple days later he’s arrested for running around a public park screaming about “why can’t I kill that stupid child!” He later gets shanked and killed in prison after molesting a fellow inmate.

So I use Flo as my period app and there is this thing called secret chat where you chat anonymously. One of the questions was Any Tips For Someones First Kiss? And

I just love whoever said this. This is how you do it.

When you get snap chat but you hate how your face looks on camera

The feminine urge to dominate men in every single way

Not just sexually but also just, beat up every man I see

Bee kind or bee dead

BEE DAGGER !!

My mom: you have to wear a bra

Me: *doesn’t wear a bra*

My mom: *doesn’t notice*

She says it’s distracting but she is the only one who has ever told me that I have to wear a bra. She says “well what if I didn’t wear a bra?” 1) you have much bigger boobs than me 2) I wouldn’t care! No one cares. No one notices. If they do they don’t mention it. I have small boob!

#freedatittieprotectdacity

ok so i just got a tumblr and i was reading a really good book and then my brain says “hey lets get on tumblr” and now i regret nothing but it was just very funny. i will update if i do end up regretting.

Horseheadhamsterbodyhumanlegs

holy hell thats cute

Sliding kiss for the win..

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