I Hate Needing Other People In Order To Feel Ok, Especially When The People We Need Are Also Not Doing

googling shit like "why do i feel bad after hanging out with my friends" and all of the answers are either "you need better friends" (i don't; my friends are wonderful) or "your social battery is drained, you need to rest and regain your energy levels" (i don't; i've got tons of energy, it's just manifesting as over-the-top neurotic mania). why is this even happening. it's like some stupid toll i have to pay as a punishment for enjoying myself too much

Apparently there was some kind of race scheduled at a local park or something so I've been trying to avoid the main trail but a little while ago when I had to cross near it I overheard the following shouted exchange

Higher feminine voice: woo, look at you go! You're jogging! Keep it up!

Lower masculine voice (panting): you know it! Last place is still a place, baby!

And goddamn if that didn't rewire my brain a little bit.

Last place is still a place, baby.

You know what'd be really refreshing to see? A story where every main character just genuinely, openly, and purely loves each other, and nobody has a problem with it or thinks it's weird. Are they polyamorous, just intensely good friends, is it sexual, romantic, platonic? You can't tell where one ends and another begins. And whatever drama there is between the main characters is about genuinely wanting the best for each other, but disagreeing about what it is or how to get it.

Like imagine a scene where a woman sees her fiancé kiss another man on the mouth and later walks up to the man like "I see that he loves you as deeply as I love him, never dare to break his heart."

And the guy, who just put together that this must be his boyfriend's girlfriend, just goes "my lady I would push my sword through my own throat before I'd let him come to harm."

And this is just depicted as a perfectly normal way for people to talk to each other and about each other.

𝕙𝕖𝕪! 𝕠𝕡𝕖𝕟 𝕪𝕠𝕦𝕣 𝕖𝕪𝕖𝕤, 𝕝𝕠𝕠𝕜 𝕦𝕡. 𝔼𝕟𝕛𝕠𝕪 𝕥𝕙𝕖 𝕘𝕠𝕠𝕕 𝕥𝕙𝕚𝕟𝕘𝕤 𝕚𝕟 𝕝𝕚𝕗𝕖…

u survive literally every single event in your life & still every time a new event happens you feel like this is the event that will kill you and that you will never move on from but actually you will continue to survive like you always have bc u have a 100% win rate of surviving events. btw

🌸🐝

Just a cute little bee and some cute little flowers.

hey do you think they sit like this often. and she scoots her head down a lil to listen to his heart. count his breaths.

do you think he counts his? cherishing that they're alive?

I once heard somewhere that the opposite of dysregulation is self expression

Any time that our emotions feel like they're out of control, or we feel empty and hollow, or like we're anxious or scared or shaking and tense for some other reason, or we're so apathetic to everything around us that it's hard to get ourselves to do anything, that's emotional dysregulation. A lot of people think that the opposite of that is just nothingness, but I heard somewhere once that the opposite is actually self expression, like writing about it, talking about it, painting about it, anything that lets those feelings be seen and expressed and felt and released.

I wonder if that's why art can be so healing. I wonder if writing just a little something about it whenever I have the energy for it, could maybe help.

What weird and wonderful things have you indulged in today?